Muers, McDermont and Nelly provide the pace.

We were returning to our old stomping ground and nothing has really changed.

It was The Shipwright’s Field in Redhouse. Shite on the pitch, a mound at the bottom end of the goalmouth and a ditch at the top end. And, yes, tectonic plates hadn’t really shifted, so the pitch sloped and according to Garmin it was around 8m.

Last Orders were a strong side, not my normal choice of opponents, but it was balanced out when Tyson lined up for them. For our lot, we had the regulars who still had a chance to show potential: Dixon, Nelly, McDermont, McConville, Muers and Davey Smith in goal. Filling the other spots were John McHale, James Adams making their debuts and Mullen returning.

We were 3-0 down in the first half, which was a bit expected, as the opponents were quite strong in comparison to our put together team. Crisis at half time though, as Dixon was ready to walk off, leaving us short. I thought it might be dog shit on his shoe, which he’s never recovered from in the early 2000s, but we managed to persuade him to stay by calling him all the cunts under the sun to shame him into staying. Thankfully he remained, so our tactics in the second half were to try and piss him off as much as possible.

Second half saw Mullen push into defence and John McHale in midfield, along with Brannen (who sneaked on) and this was before Macca meandered off, stating a bad back, which essentially meant he was spineless. Stubba also turned up on crutches on the sidelines putting in a better performance than Macca.

We improved and had a few chances here and there, with Muers ignoring my advice and taking long shots. He did manage to get a head battering though, not from the headers he won, but from having Tyson talking shite next to him in the second half. However, we did eventually get one back. Nelly finished off a move involving a few players. Then we got a penalty shortly after. We were all excited and at 3-1 Mullen strode forward like Beckenbauer from the back to send the keeper the wrong way….and the ball the wrong way as well. We did have odd chances again, but Last Orders Redhouse fired one more so it ended 4-1.