The traffic beats the Tash, and a 5-1 defeat.

Sassco traditionally had a huge pre-season programme – sometimes up to 10 games. We usually played higher level teams, but always enjoyed the road trips. Report as below:

On a busy Saturday afternoon, both main routes into Cramlington from our side of the county were struggling with road works. I chose both the wrong routes there and back. Travelling there we got stuck on the Tyne Tunnel traffic. On the way back, the poxy Sat Nav took us on to the A1. Nelly went AWOL and we were also lacking Dave Graham, Mark Muers and Dave Gourlay, Titch Conlin from the regular set up. Marky Mark made a return, but just about everyone else was there from the previous hammering off West Auckland Town FC.

First error occurred when I drove into the kid’s playground and parked next to the swings. Simma (aka Driving Miss David Simpson), as expected, followed me. We eventually got to the car park of the Samms Centre. The centre was quite impressive – not too different from the changing areas at Northumbria Centre. We did have the unfortunate sight of Macca’s excuse for a penis in the changing rooms. Langan and Stoker both exclaimed, “How the f**k do you f**k with that?” Macca’s reply was that he wasn’t too bothered and that he’s learned to live with his inadequacies. The second error was that Harper was missing. We were now around ten minutes away from kick off. I just assumed he’d got sick of the whole show and dropped out. I spent around one minute on tactics in the team talk and around five minutes slagging him off, only for him to ring and say that he thought it was a 3:00pm kick off. Eventually, the traffic beat the Tash back to Sunderland.

With Tash obviously not going to show for kick off, me and Gourlay hastily put together the team (Gourlay was injured, but there for moral support). Stoker was plonked in attack from the off. Newcastle BT looked impressive. They are in a higher standard than ourselves, but finished near the foot of the lower division in the Northern Alliance (that’s the League, not the pre-Iraq War rebels in the north part of Iraq). Still, they would be classed the same as a strong Premier opponent for us.

It seemed to show as they had some decent chances in the opening moments. They eventually scored, but from kick off, Macca put Stoker through to equalise. From then on it was an even game. Our left hand side was weak. An “injured” (that’s what he claims) Dixon and Macca faled to stop the opponents putting in good crosses. A lot of it was a simple lack of marking and sticking tight to the opponents. We soon leaked two easy goals. The team was in a bit of disarray. Questions were being asked by the players as a change was obviously needed, “What’s happening on the sidelines?” someone said to Dave Gourlay, to which he replied, “Well, Dov’s taking photos….”

Changes were made. McConville who was ineffective and deserved his “Fancy Dan” label was moved from centre mid to centre half. Marky replaced him. Digga and Macca were also switched. Macca was inept on the left hand side, despite assisting with Stoker’s goal. He didn’t give much help to Dixon, who spent the game kicking the ball to the opponents.

The changes didn’t do too much. Within minutes, they were 4-1 up with a simple through ball. Eventually they got another and it was 5-1. After this, I came on to replace Dixon and the team immediately received a lift. No more goals were leaked. I can’t take all the credit, as Simpson pulled off some excellent stops throughout the ninety minutes. I went up for a corner in the last minute, but was thwarted by the ‘keeper when a goal was certain.

A good day out. Traffic was a bugger, but the Tash’s complaint that we need more local games is quite insular. He needs to realise that Sassco go out far and wide to promote the name. Sort yourself out Tash and give your head a shake. The pitch was quite hard, but the venue was excellent (in my opinion). The weather was also excellent. A bad result though, but mind you, I got some good photos of the airplanes and trains.

“Dov did well,” quotes Michael Pearson. ” We need experience like him in the team. These young-un’s like Campbell and Mulvaney haven’t got a clue.”

“If he came on earlier, I think the score would be reduced. Bad mistake keeping Dixon on as long as he was. I’m not sure having Harper as the coach is the right choice. Sangha’s team talk; especially the section where he slagged Harper off, was poetic.” said Gourlay.

“Suck us off…” said Stoker.

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Brave performance from nine men.

Well what can I say? Yes, my legs weren’t as long as I thought they were and didn’t reach the ball, which went on through for Usworth FC to score their equaliser. However, this was just after Muers had waddled up the field and turned a player inside and out, and missed. Also, when Emu’s twisting the captain’s armband on, we know we’re in for a battle (around twenty games as captain: one win).

We started with eleven and ended with nine. Scotty H and Si Mulvaney both wandered off injured, but the fury was directed at Stoker and Langan; both who failed to show. Stoker texted in the morning saying he was still injured, but no response from Langan and no show for the second game running. Scotty went off with his guts playing up. I did offer to give him a body cavity search to remove any offending object (“with nee vaseline”), but he turned me down. I think Si’s just getting too old.

With an already injured set of players, Sassco battled through and Anth Pearson took the team 1-0 ahead in the first half, which ended with the aforementioned nine players. Si managed to come back on for the second and we actually missed around six really good chances. Usworth’s winner came near the end when Mickey Oliver sliced through an opponent and gave away a penalty.

I got booted in the skull going for a ball, everyone else got a fair few knocks, but it was a strong performance hampered by unfortunate injuries before the game and during it. Also a mass panic as I thought my car keys were lost, only to turn up in Nelly’s pocket. Cheers.

PS. Bri Watson’s quit a Team Secretary due to work commitments so I’m looking for a volunteer to step up.

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Narrow but dominant win. Champagne corks popping as Stoker misses a penalty.

Chances were well missed. The loudest cheer was when Stoker stepped up and missed a penalty. The cheering came from our side and it shut him up for around five minutes.

Nelly Richardson returned and stole the show with a superb opening goal. This was followed by Times Inn equalising with another Stoker mistake, before new mid-weeker, Nicky Smith, scrambling in the winner almost immediately after.

I wish the score would have been more emphatic, but the chances we had numbered into double figures. The crossbar and post were rattled on several occasions and their goalkeeper managed to keep out several shots and scrambled shots. Then I have to mention the penalty miss from Stoker.

The performance was the best we’ve had for a long time. The last few outings have been poor, but mainly down to the changing team with players missing and being injured. For this one, Langan didn’t show and Tim was “stuck in traffic”. Also missing were Scott Smith (long term) and Dave Gourlay (preparing to be under the thumb).

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McDermont, cap in hand, returns to Sassco and begs forgiveness.

A massively depleted squad was given an extra edge when McDermont decided to miss the 4-2 defeat against the Colliery Tavern on Saturday to watch the match in a pub. Having been accused of being a liar, publicly on Facebook, the slanging match continued with McDermont handing in his transfer request, and Sangha being indifferent to him leaving. A begging apologetic text was received on Saturday, but Sangha still held firm and didn’t respond.

By Wednesday, the squad of 10 had eventually bloated to 13. McDermont was there and sheepishly returned to the fold and graciously accepted a place on the bench. So 14 players kicked off against the Cambridge and Macca was immediately called into action to replaced an injured Dixon within the first few minutes. Sassco conceded midway in the half and performed poorly throughout.

Second half saw Wayne Ramsay replace Campbell, but Sassco went 2-0 down. By now, Stoker was in tourettes over drive, giving abusive commentary throughout. Late on, Sangha replaced an injured Simpson, who had come close with a first half header. The team had reduced the deficit by then, with Mickey Pearson acrobatically firing in a Mark Muers assist. After this, Sassco were on top and grew in confidence.

Three minutes remained when convicted sex-offender, Gareth Stoker, twisted Zidane style and secured the equaliser.

From a really poor performance; probably one of Sassco’s worst this season, the team gained an unlikely point.

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Stoker busts Macca’s lip.

Dave and Scott Smith, plus Campbell were missing from this expected win. It didn’t start too well. We weren’t under any real threat, but the early goal didn’t come. The wind at Thompson Park didn’t help much, but we did open the scoring when Langan’s powerful shot forced it’s way in. After this, the team relaxed and the eventual second goal came from Scott Hembrough.

A bit of a half-time rollocking from Mickey Pearson (probably didn’t get his leg over the night before) resulted in a much better second half. This time, Scott Hembrough scored again. Finally, Dave Gourlay scored from a free-kick in a comprehensive win.

An interested back line full of retards to end the game (due to substitutions), with McDermont, Stoker, Muers and Sangha holding back the hoards of Cove players.

Back in the changing rooms, Stoker and Macca had an argument which led to Stoker giving Mac a dig and resulting in a bust lip. It’s all good.

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Wasted second half opportunity.

We were definitely going to be short this week. I knew this from last week when Nelly, Farquhar, Stoker and Langan all scarpered without getting the nets down.

However, Langan did make a return and was selected to start. Gourlay was still missing, but there were returns for Greenwell, Dixon and Gillespie. Stubba and Keith Mouat were also due to make a reappearance, but were unavailable. Ironically, had they been there, we’d have featured a number of players who played in our very first game.

The Colliery Tavern were beaten by us last season on the rare occasion where we had our full strength side. This time, it was a pale shadow of the strong team from last season. Stoker, Robinson, Graham, McDermont, Gourlay, Raeper and Richardson were all missing or had moved on.

The eventual result was one-sided. First half was a great performance. The wind was at us and we repelled everything we could. A superb cross from Langan quickly equalised their opener. They scored again, but Dixon’s cross squirmed under the ‘keeper. Last throw of the first half saw them lead 3-2.

Everyone thought the second half would be a comeback for us. It wasn’t. Instructions were to get the ball to their half and then strike on goal. Apart from the first ten minutes, when we had several chances which were missed, we seemed to lose the plot. They scored to make it 4-2 and the game was effectively over.

Ironically, despite the scoreline, Paul McConville had a superb game at centre half. Mistakes by his partner, Muers, were the reason for a few of the goals. The well known saying, “like a knife through air (not butter)” ably describes the movement of players past him. Tim had a good game as well coming back. Campbell also performed decently, despite Rikki Kennedy and Wooton abusing him from the sidelines.

Not a good start, but no arguing. Not bad.

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An opening day disaster in every sense of the term.

We were already quite short. Gourlay and Graham were missing. Tim and Campbell weren’t there and Marky Mark was also absent. In place we had Wayne Ramsay and Steve Stubbs helping out.

However, it wasn’t some much the 2-0 defeat, but the complete indiscipline late on. We were getting butchered in the surprisingly goalless first half, but after Tyson had put Cambridge 1-0 ahead in the second half, we had our best moments. Titch, coming back from injury, looked threatening, but missed two glorious chances. Stoker, playing in attack, saw his header shave the post.

It was then that the nastiness came out. Stoker and Nelly were at each others throats. Nelly was playing with an injury, so he had his excuses. Stoker walked off with two minutes remaining after Cambridge scored their second goal.

Stoker, Richardson, Farquhar and Langan will be absent from the next game due to the fact that in my team talk, I clearly stated players won’t be playing if they don’t help with the nets. I’ll stick to my guns.

Harper also failed to show as he had to arrange a hospital visit.

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The traffic beats the Tash.

On a busy Saturday afternoon, both main routes into Cramlington from our side of the county were struggling with road works. I chose both the wrong routes there and back. Travelling there we got stuck on the Tyne Tunnel traffic. On the way back, the poxy Sat Nav took us on to the A1. Nelly went AWOL and we were also lacking Dave Graham, Mark Muers and Dave Gourlay, Titch Conlin from the regular set up. Marky Mark made a return, but just about everyone else was there from the previous hammering off West Auckland Town FC.

First error occurred when I drove into the kid’s playground and parked next to the swings. Simma (aka Driving Miss David Simpson), as expected, followed me. We eventually got to the car park of the Samms Centre. The centre was quite impressive – not too different from the changing areas at Northumbria Centre. We did have the unfortunate sight of Macca’s excuse for a penis in the changing rooms. Langan and Stoker both exclaimed, “How the f**k do you f**k with that?” Macca’s reply was that he wasn’t too bothered and that he’s learned to live with his inadequacies. The second error was that Harper was missing. We were now around ten minutes away from kick off. I just assumed he’d got sick of the whole show and dropped out. I spent around one minute on tactics in the team talk and around five minutes slagging him off, only for him to ring and say that he thought it was a 3:00pm kick off. Eventually, the traffic beat the Tash back to Sunderland.

With Tash obviously not going to show for kick off, me and Gourlay hastily put together the team (Gourlay was injured, but there for moral support). Stoker was plonked in attack from the off. Newcastle BT looked impressive. They are in a higher standard than ourselves, but finished near the foot of the lower division in the Northern Alliance (that’s the League, not the pre-Iraq War rebels in the north part of Iraq). Still, they would be classed the same as a strong Premier opponent for us.

It seemed to show as they had some decent chances in the opening moments. They eventually scored, but from kick off, Macca put Stoker through to equalise. From then on it was an even game. Our left hand side was weak. An “injured” (that’s what he claims) Dixon and Macca faled to stop the opponents putting in good crosses. A lot of it was a simple lack of marking and sticking tight to the opponents. We soon leaked two easy goals. The team was in a bit of disarray. Questions were being asked by the players as a change was obviously needed, “What’s happening on the sidelines?” someone said to Dave Gourlay, to which he replied, “Well, Dov’s taking photos….”

Changes were made. McConville who was ineffective and deserved his “Fancy Dan” label was moved from centre mid to centre half. Marky replaced him. Digga and Macca were also switched. Macca was inept on the left hand side, despite assisting with Stoker’s goal. He didn’t give much help to Dixon, who spent the game kicking the ball to the opponents.

The changes didn’t do too much. Within minutes, they were 4-1 up with a simple through ball. Eventually they got another and it was 5-1. After this, I came on to replace Dixon and the team immediately received a lift. No more goals were leaked. I can’t take all the credit, as Simpson pulled off some excellent stops throughout the ninety minutes. I went up for a corner in the last minute, but was thwarted by the ‘keeper when a goal was certain.

A good day out. Traffic was a bugger, but the Tash’s complaint that we need more local games is quite insular. He needs to realise that Sassco go out far and wide to promote the name. Sort yourself out Tash and give your head a shake. The pitch was quite hard, but the venue was excellent (in my opinion). The weather was also excellent. A bad result though, but mind you, I got some good photos of the airplanes and trains.

“Dov did well,” quotes Michael Pearson. ” We need experience like him in the team. These young-un’s like Campbell and Mulvaney haven’t got a clue.”

“If he came on earlier, I think the score would be reduced. Bad mistake keeping Dixon on as long as he was. I’m not sure having Harper as the coach is the right choice. Sangha’s team talk; especially the section where he slagged Harper off, was poetic.” said Gourlay.

“Suck us off…” said Stoker.

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An amazing four goals for Jimmy Raeper.

I read a mini-riot act prior to the game, threatening those with outstanding subs to pay up or be benched. Also, the threat was there to help with the nets or else be benched. Now the wise arses would turnaround and say that if eleven are there; how can anyone be benched. Well, it would be the following week. If all eleven told me to f**k off, then next week there would be a different eleven.

The final game of the season saw us playing at home to Country Park Inn. The self titled, CP Inn, aka Marc Evans, after the last game claimed that he couldn’t wait to play us again. A bit of a boast – yes, but CP Inn had secured some impressive results recently (including a 2-2 draw against Hylton CW). It seemed that everyone wanted to play us after Anth Pearson, standing in goal for the absent Dave Simpson, let in a true howler within a minute. It wasn’t even a shot. The ball rolled towards him, through him and into the back of the net. The sidelines were packed with Redhouse FC players, including Tommy Bell, who was making notes, after their game was cancelled. Not much on his paper then…

I was very tempted to haul him off, as he looked shaken after it and put Muers in goal. However, once we got to grips with the game, he didn’t put a foot (or hand) wrong after this.

However, this lifted CP Inn, who started the stronger. We knew we were up against it and all the players showed their true spirit and came back strongly. Jimmy broke clear after around fifteen minutes and poked the ball past the ‘keeper before he got to it. Then after this, Jimmy beat several players before slotting it in. CP Inn had a great chance to score just before the half time whistle.

Second half saw Paul McConville, who had an unproductive spell in attack, replaced by Titch. Paul actually got himself a bad bruising and cut on his leg which looked like a shark bite. During the opening minutes of the second half, the heavens opened and the game was played in slick conditions. Even with the downpour, we were all parched and it wasn’t helped by the fact that my flask smashed into a million pieces so I was gagging for my half time tea.

The second half was played in a similar pattern to the end of the first half. We were reasonably comfortable, but were still only one goal ahead of CP Inn. Nelly then set Jimmy up with an excellent low cross for his hat-trick. 3-1 and the game looked secure. After this, it turned a little nasty. It was a bit bruising throughout. Both Kyle Robinson and Dave Graham had their work cut out. Dave Graham didn’t get a wonder goal, like he did last week, not for the want of trying. But I do remember him spending the rest of the evening asking the other players if they still wanted his autograph. Despite this, both him and Kyle were strong in the middle.

Finally, a superb curled effort saw Jimmy score his fourth and final goal. A truly astonishing performance. CP Inn then got one back with ten minutes remaining, when Stoker swung that leg of his and gave Marc Evans a chance to score from the spot. Stoker vented his hatred onto Marc Evans as they were having a verbal spat throughout the game and Nelly got himself a yellow card when he grabbed one of their players after a bad challenge. This was coming after he threatened Emu the previous week. Both Emu and Stoker were gagging for a goal and both bombed forward to try and get it. Both fired blanks though.

Everyone have a relaxing summer off and we’ll freshen ourselves and regroup for our first pre-season game in 48 hours. Macca was whinging that he didn’t fancy playing a Non-league team. I told him it was lucky we hadn’t secured a League team.

I’ll upload my season report soon and will ask all the players to vote for their Player of the Season.

Finally, it was Brian Watson’s last game, before he quits as Team Secretary. Our thanks go out to him for all the hard work done over the last season and a half.

Community North Sports Complex
League Division 1
Sassco.co.uk 4 Dave “Jimmy” Raeper 4
Country Park Inn 2
Sassco.co.uk: Anth Pearson, Gareth Stoker, Simon Mulvaney (Chris Dixon), Mark Muers*, Marc McDermont, Paul McConville (Steve Conlin), Dave Gourlay, Neil Richardson, Kyle Robinson, Dave Graham, Dave Raeper*

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A good second half is thwarted by missed chances.

I was the first one there. I arrive long before kick off at around 4:50pm and instead of twiddling with my dipstick, I got the ladder out and put both nets up (one with the help of Daz Snowball).

By the time they were up; still no players. Was it going to be one of those Wednesdays again? Not likely. Everyone showed (even Stoker, Graham, Kyle and Gourlay). I needed a strong side out against Hylton CW and I got it. However, Jimmy was missing for the opening half, so I elected for a 4-5-1 formation. Macca was on up front on his own.

The game was blank for a god twenty minutes until Hylton CW struck from the spot after Stoker swung his leg. Not too long after, Tim (Yes, Tiger Tim) was deceived by the full back and they were 2-0 up. We did have chances. Macca had a glorious one created by Nelly, then Nelly himself was tackled in the box, complaining that no one gave him the shout (what do you expect in a packed box? Turn and shot in one movement like I always do…).

A lot of whinnying and complaining at half time. A lot of it directed at me for removing Paul McConville (who actually took a bit of a knock and was on the sidelines for a few minutes in the first half) and putting Jimmy on in a 4-4-2 formation. Me being my usual self told all the bitches to stick it and fuck off if they didn’t like it. The signs weren’t too good. Players were blaming the tactics, the length of the grass, the fact that some blue shirts were long sleeve and some were short. The point I’m trying to get a across is that these idiots will blame anything else apart from the real reason why we were 2-0 down. We didn’t get tight, we didn’t get tight at them and we didn’t snap at ankles. And we didn’t take what limited chances we had in the opening half.

Second half proved I was right. I actually had Nelly on the right hand side, but Macca wanted to switch, after he missed a sitter in the first half. He actually jumped like Mr. Burns when Nelly played in a perfect cross.

We went at Hylton CW and created numerous chances. Nelly, clean through, saw his chance blocked. Macca had two or three chances. Muers and Dave Graham headed direct to the ‘keeper. At the back we weren’t even troubled at all. We simply marked and stuck tight the way we always should. Tim, who had a bit of a howler in the first was excellent in the second. Stoker eventually pushed up with Macca back to try and grab a goal, but it was not to be.

A great second half, but it shows the difference and why Hylton CW are up there. They take their chances.

As a footnote, a few players didn’t pay their subs and are in some arrears now. If effort isn’t made to reduce it, then it’s likely they will be on the bench until back in the black. Emu’s not getting much left over to get a pizza these days.

Community North Sports Complex
League Division 1
Hylton CW 2
Sassco.co.uk 0
Sassco.co.uk: Dave Simpson, Gareth Stoker, Simon Mulvaney, Tim Gillespie, Mark Muers*, Paul McConville (David Raeper), Dave Gourlay, Neil Richardson, Kyle Robinson, Dave Graham

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