Murton’s chaos delivers a result. Sangha is humiliated in front of a large crowd.

Murton and Robinson proved their worth in front of the big crowd of around ten people. Sangha’s team folded and collapsed within minutes of Nelly making his first complaint.

Fulwell Buccaneers 8 Downhill Impact 0
After last week’s diabolical capitulation against Sassco, a result which nearly drove Murton into administration (as he was banking on the £5 win for the mini-competition to cut down his entrance costs), this week saw the team much improved. Yes Trigger has been banned from all football and put on the sex offenders list, so Murton “stole” Kev McCluskey from Nissan and put Carl “Carlos” Middlemiss outfield.

Their opponents, Downhill Impact, were struggling. It was left to Simma to run the team and the first tactical error occured when he put himself outfield and the portly Bri Marley in goal. The result was never in doubt. The Murton / Robinson double act was finally producing the goods, as well as its own homoerotic undertones with both players working off each other. Jimmy Raeper got in on the act with two goals, but Kyle finally let go of the “over the hill” shackles with a hat-trick. Carlos, Woody and Bunta added the other goal.

Nissan 8 Sassco.co.uk 2
A disaster for Sassco. Even as the whistle was blowing, Nelly was in full whinge blow because I couldn’t manage to prize Ronaldinho away from his day off to take apart a strong Nissan side. Even Logan was struggling with errors and will no doubt be self harming again tonight. Saying that – Nissan were well on form and fully deserved their “favourites” tag. Just as Nelly had finished his first stage whinge, they scored and soon racked up five goals in the first half. Sassco didn’t know what to do with themselves. The second wasn’t much better. Sassco did score two, but Nissan had notched up eight goals by then. Mark Moon scored a hat-trick, Mark Catcheside scored two, along with Calvert. Josh Lay only managed the one.

It’s quite obvious that the challenge is a two horse race. Murton’s minions against the ultra-professional Nissan. Josh Lay claims that despite Murton’s revival, “they haven’t got a chance. And that Kyle. I’ll tell you what – I’ve seen aircraft carriers turn faster than him.”

Note that you can now access more player and team statistics in the League Table and Results page. Simple click on to the team name (in results and the table) and then a little drop down menu will appear showing additional options. It’s still under construction, but seems to be functional.

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Heavy defeat for Sassco and a major setback for Fulwell.

Two major games on the night between the top two, Nissan and Fulwell, and bottom two, Sassco and Downhill. Both ended in decisive wins in the humid evening.

Nissan 2 Fulwell Buccaneers 1
The two goal setback didn’t help an increasingly agitated Fulwell team. Both Murton and Robinson were at each other more than the opponents, while Carl Middlemiss made the error of announcing his retirement before the game. Based on his performance, he already had his feet up. At the other end, Danni Lay was just asking to be sent off.

The first half was mainly Fulwell. Nissan couldn’t get a grip on the game, but eventually when Nissan did score, th0ey settled. The second goal just confirmed the result. Catcheside and Calvert with the goals. But a howler from Laing let Wooton in and it was 2-1. It was too late though and Nissan secured a major result over their nearest contenders.

Downhill Impact 5 Sassco.co.uk 1
A disaster for Sassco. All week there had been discussions on why the leagues were losing teams. Lack of the ability to fill a form was one reason, but also lack of players was another. Sassco suffered when Tyson dropped them in it and Pearson announced he was going for a massage. The five hardy souls were confident of a decent result, until Craig Charlton turned up and Simma decided to go in goal.

Within around 25 seconds, Logan got caught cold when a shot went in off the post. The Sassco plan was in tatters and a second goal from Charlton killed them. However, Ed Morrison did grab one back and things were looking up. Unfortunately for Sassco, they conceded a third and the game was up. Eventually it was 5-1 and Charlton got all the goals – what a hero!

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Hylton won 4-2 on penalties.

I’m in preparation to be hauled up and bent over in front of the discipline committee, who will take turns running along the corridor to boot me up the arse.

I can actually picture the scene. In sultry Atlanta, Georgia in the USA. Craig Taylor, amongst the directors of iKobo International, sitting in their plush high-rise office boardroom thinking, “What the f**k is Muers still doing up front?”

Yes, even Sangha and Sassco are accountable. Greenwell’s accountable to me and I’m accountable to my paymasters. Luckily, the chances of iKobo executives hopping on a transatlantic flight to position a boot up my arse is unlikely to happen. Until then, the pressure remains on Greenwell despite his six-month fixed contract. He had suspected Swine Flu earlier in the week, so you know if Emu gets it, both fiddlers have been sharing spit in the showers again. Disgusting.

A controversial game. Maybe Sassco have grown up a bit. Greenwell’s placing his stamp on the team and pissed Si Mulvaney off by not putting him on directly at half time. I also didn’t select Campbell or the returning Langan to bolster an already bloated squad.

Murton might well have stopped the kid’s getting any presents at Christmas, as he squared up to the referee once we had let a late 1-0 lead go. Mickey Pearson scored the goal in the last fifteen minutes. Sassco were truly impressive. The squad was solid from the back, with Greenwell learning from his errors last week and playing two solid centre-half’s, Stoker and Scott Smith.

The game ended and it was penalties. Gourlay and Stoker scored, but Pearson, Muers and Macca missed.

Can’t damn the performance. It was excellent. The pressure seems to be ebbing away from Greenwell, despite the abuse given to him in the last few weeks (mainly from me). Less said about the Murton incident the better. We’ll have to take anything we get hit with on the chin.

It was good to see Greenwell taking full control of the coaching side of things. I’ll still handle the squad and the logistics, but he does the team line ups, the subs and everything to do with football. I’m a bit distracted these days. Even ran through a red light at Heworth.

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Sassco are beginning to played a refined version of the Dutch “Total Football” system.

Refined as in they do what the f**k they want sometimes. We were missing a few. Steve Conlin was on work experience with his school (cheers for that one Simon). While Tim and Dixon were both injured. Marky Middlemiss was roped into working. There were returns for Campbell, Mr. Murton and Anth Pearson (who refused to come on).

We started reasonably brightly. However, when the first goal was conceded, I remembered my last words in my much listened to team talk; “Don’t . . . give . . . away . . . corners . . .” Simon, under pressure from a long(ish) throw, nodded the ball out for the aforementioned corner and they headed it in. After this it was all the usual complaints:

• “Change the system”
• “We’re too high up the pitch”
• “We’re too deep on the pitch”
• “Get Muers off the pitch”

We settled after this and the game levelled out. We didn’t have clear cut chances, but were getting forward easily, but not releasing the ball quick enough. Eventually, Muers managed to scramble the ball into the net after their ‘keeper made an error.

I was planning to change things, namely getting Gourlay out of left back where he was “wasted” (private joke – you won’t get it) and into the middle. But decided against it. For the second half, a superb opening move nearly led to a goal, but Langan shocklingly lashed it over the bar when clean through. Both Greenwell and Murton missed excellent chances as well (one hit the post). We were punished. A long ball caught McConville fannying about and their player didn’t have any problems in looping the ball over Simma, who, incidentally, pulled off some astonishing saves throughout.

We applied pressure and when the ball landed at the feet of Langan, he made no mistake this time and we had equalised at 2-2. The scoring ended there, but in the last crazy ten minutes, we were camped in the box and each corner coming in was cleared off the line, tackled at the last minute or just badly scuffed. An error by Gourlay then saw The Saltgrass sprint up the field and nearly score if it wasn’t for Simpson. A scramble at our end, where a goal was certain, was smothered by Simpson.

A good game. My voice is hoarse after spending the game slagging Macca off. Rumours are currently flying about around Macca and Langan leaving. The rumour mill is full drive when it comes to Sassco.

Oh, and I lost a f**king ball again. Some moron kicked it behind the goal and didn’t retrieve it. Will be bringing a f**king tennis ball for all away games now.

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Good effort, but nothing to show for it. 

Despite the negative scoreline, it was Sassco’s best 90 minute performance after two poor opening games. But, being realistic, it was just another defeat.Most said after the game that we didn’t deserve the defeat, but my opinion is that we did. The better team always wins. They take their chances and we don’t. Saying that; having an aging and balding ginger haired centre forward, who shaves his head out of denial, isn’t really going to get us the number of goals that we want.

We conceded early in the first half when Dave Smith, getting an outing in preparation for Portugal, misjudged a cross and they scored. After this it was quite even. Murton (yes, Murton) had a rocket of a shot saved from an angle. Macca skied an easy chance. The aforementioned Muers scuffed to opportunities. By this time, Dixon playing as centre half was injured and Tim came on to replace him. I can’t complain about the effort. The centre half pairing of McConville and Gillespie were excellent. Even poor Simma at left back was strong. Campbell was on the right.

Second half saw Langan wanting to come off after another ineffective performance on the wing and in attack. Although he did complain about the long balls instead of football to feet. The chances died down in the second half, but as the game wore on, we got an equaliser. A speculative shot from Muers caught the ‘keeper stranded and we were back in it. But, as always, squandered chances cost us. In the last five minutes, Houghton scored a goal through a ruck of players and it was 2-1. We seemed to run out of steam and moments later, a long range shot settled the score at 3-1.

Good performance, but lack of finishing has cost us again.

Despite the major loss of players, we had a good full turn out, with Murton, Wayne Ramsay, Greenwell and Dave Smith all being available. From a management point of view, the team is quite easy to organise now. Harper turned up, but late, so he didn’t really have an input in the starting team talk. I’m looking for a full-time coach now. Someone who would do the team talks and line up. My choice of candidates would be Mulvaney, Langan or Greenwell.

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Hendon get two back to back wins!

A night which saw Murton summarily dismissed from the field (possibly never to be seen again – as predicted) and Hendon Rovers gain two magnificent and unexpected wins.

Hendon Rovers 2 IPS 1
Hendon were in for a long night with two games being played back-to-back. The first was against IPS and Wayne Ramsay managed to bag two goals before Michael Vincent reduced the arrears, but IPS failed to get the all-important equaliser.

Hendon Rovers 3 Wear Consulting 2
The second game for Hendon was against Wear Consulting, who now featured Gary Tyzack. In a very open game, Richard Hall scored and Lee Ramsay also bagged one. Tyzack also scored; twice he claims. Unfortunately, one was an own goal. Mick Hall also scored, but in the very last minute the aforementioned Lee Ramsay scored the winner in an exciting game. It seems to proves that playing back-to-back games seems to be working well.

AA Fabrications 9 Sassco.co.uk 0

Once the third goal went in, Sassco collapsed and AA took over. Four goals came from Josh Lay and two came from Kurt Baxendale. Woody, Danni Lay and Mark Moon scored the other single goals. To his utter humiliation, David Murton was dismissed for bad language and now misses Sassco’s next game.

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AA draw first blood against Hylton Castle.

A decent start for the new AGUK Super League cup, despite all the teams no longer involved. Sporting Redhouse were added to Redhouse Youth’s and Castletown FC in the missing list before the games started. But good news with Wear Consulting, as they have decided to re-enter the competition from next week. The cup is the traditional league format based cup. Due to the lack of numbers, all six teams are pooled in one group and play each other once. The end table will see first against fourth and second against third in the semi finals. The format could change if more teams are added. The ideal number is eight, but as with every team, it’s quality and not quantity. Luckily, the new team, IPS, seem very well organised and are much welcome in the competition.

Sassco.co.uk 3 IPS 0
IPS; a new team under the control of Ian Tench, made their debut against a reasonably strong looking Sassco team, which featured Wear Consulting’s Gary Tyzack. A tight opening half was soon opened up when Jimmy Raeper fired in the first goal. The half time came and went and Sassco added to their lead. They had to pace themselves as they were playing two games and were relieved to get a third. The latter two goals coming from Paul Stokoe and Gaz Tyzack.

Sassco.co.uk 2 Hendon Rovers 1
A lethargic start from Sassco saw Hendon race into the lead at the end of the first half. Lee Ramsay’s long range effort was unstoppable. Sassco were driven on by the urge to prove the ever increasingly whinge bucket David Murton wrong and looked desperate. Eventually Tyson equalised and then Tyzack put them into the lead. A good comeback performance in sweltering heat – which is rare for Downhill.

AA Fabricatons 2 Hylton Castle 0
With the amount of withdrawals, it seems that these two teams will be the main rivals and possible cup finalists. The first half was blank, but the second saw Liam Wooton fire past a despairing Kev McCluskey. It got even worse when Kurt Baxendale, drafted in from the gone, but not forgotten Youth’s, fired in the second goal. The scoring ended there.

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…while Tommy Bell struggles in agony.

Sassco.co.uk 4 Castletown FC 0
Sassco with Murton and Robinson featuring, despite their humiliation on Wednesday, sprayed the ball about against Castletown. Murton feared facing FIFA ‘keeper, Logan, but within seven seconds his fears were dispelled. After that it was all Brazilian style for Sassco who gained another three goals. Robinson failed to notch a single decent effort apart from one which struck the crossbar. Sassco’s last game for a decent season where all the side were happy with mid-table mediocrity.

AA Fabrications 4 Wear Consulting 0 / A AFabrications 3 Wear Consulting 1
A double header for the Title. First game saw AA over comfortable and running out easy winners. However, the second game saw an overconfident team (minus Tommy Bell), suffer a top corner curler from Tyzack. But, AA then doubled up on Tyzack and snuffed him out before securing a 3-1 victory* and confirming their Title win.

Hylton Castle 4 Sporting Redhouse 0
A stroming finale from Hylton Castle. Mathematically, they were still in with a chance of catchning AA, but the later win meant that this was for bragging rights and confirmation of second place.

The post “We’ve done it!” Josh Lay takes the glory… appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Pre-season in full swing as Sassco let a 1-0 lead slip.

The so called regular cup game against Redhouse FC didn’t materialise during the season, so we managed to get it added on to the end of the season before all the posts came down.

We weren’t struggling, but were down on numbers. Steve Farquhar came in for a debut and so did the legendary David Murton. It’s good to have Murton on board for a good two months, before the inevitable vanishing act. Murton came into the side in 2005, but claims he’s more “mature” now.

I any case, both him and Kyle were well pumped up for the major event. A flurry of text messages from them first thing in the morning meant that I brought in a new rule; Kyle and Murton are not allowed to sleep together before a game. Before kick off, Murton claimed “3-1” and “all hell to break loose.”

My calming act failed and when Jimmy skyed the ball well over the bar, I expected a set of missed chances. Still, moments later, Jimmy looped the ball over Carlos Middlemiss and Sassco were leading 1-0. Catfish was doing his mind tricks again, saying that they had a bare eleven. They had around fourteen players there. If that’s short Catfish, you should see Sassco. Eleven players for us is too many sometimes.

So, in at half time leading 1-0. Simma did have a good few saves to make and despite Redhouse meekly capitulating their division title, they were still very strong. Even Charlie made an appearance for them after his brief affair with Sassco.

Just as the video camera batter was fading, the second half saw a disputed penalty dispatched by the ever dependable John Hunt. Our heads seemed to go down immediately. The decision was probably at fault, but Simma did make a good deal of saves to keep the score down prior to that. Redhouse then took the lead when a player was unmarked on the left hand side. At 2-1 the game levelled out. We had some decent opportunities in the box, but shots were high or wide or way too limp.

David Murton had a glorious chance to write his name in the history books, but his shot was palmed out by Carlos and the game was gone for Sassco. Right at the death, a corner kick was given and Simma raced up the length of the field and inevitably all the way back as the final whistle went.

Redhouse keep the trophy this season, but we’ll try and win it during the season or at the end again if we don’t meet. The way Catfish is going – this will be the only trophy he’ll be winning for a while.

The video footage of the first half and part of the second half will be uploaded shortly.

Community North Sports Complex
AGUK Challenge Cup
Sassco.co.uk 1 Dave “Jimmy” Raeper
Redhouse FC 2
Sassco.co.uk: David Simpson, Simon Mulvaney, Chris Dixon, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Neil Richardson, Kyle Robinson, Dave Murton, Dave Raeper, Steve Farquhar, Marc McDermont

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Vastly superior to anyone within the League*.

* According to David Murton.

It all began on a rare, warm summer evening – the 28th June 2005, to be precise. The League Secretary, Davinder Sangha was being pestered by some young upstart on MSN claiming that he was going give the incumbent Champions, Sporting Redhouse, a good seeing to. “Heard it all before” was Sangha’s response, but the mighty David “Bunta” Murton delivered on his promise and the Hylton Castle team, which up until then was floundering, sprung alive in a 2-2 draw.

In his own words, he claimed that he “set the league on fire with my amazing vision and lethal finishing and quickly becoming the star of the team.”

As a young pup, he was clearly eager to impress and establish himself as the best player ever seen in the Sassco League. After growing restless at Hylton Castle, he decided to head into management, which was a true disaster, much to everyone’s amusement. As Murton continues, “A team of testosterone filled steroid abusers, including Gav Murton, Chris Ord, Kyle Robinson and Davey Taylor.” The team, known as Marine House, just about won their first game, but then lost the second one. The team imploded and Murton was left with egg on his face.

He was then made aware of a new venture of Gash Braziers with AFC Redhouse and finally gained something to show for his talents. After a few successful campaigns, which included silverware, Murton was once again getting the itch (not a medical condition). He was poached by his previously sworn enemies, the Youth’s, and it all started well as he along with another shock signing, Hembrough, was banging in the the goals, including a memorable strike against the then Champions, Southwick, on his debut. Things did turn sour and according to Murton, “The Youth’s friendly alliances got in the way of success, as they insisted on playing their mates who are of a less quality then we had in the squad.” He then cancelled his contract with them and supposedly took a substantial pay off to keep silent over the Youth’s shenanigans.

His 11-a-side career was all hit and miss as well. Debuting for Sassco in 2005, he fired in a goal on his debut and began to tot up a number of strikes, before vanishing and returning sporadically. Sassco 11-a-side seems to be his spiritual home, but General Manager, Sangha, doesn’t seem to trust his reliability. Only time will tell if he ever dons the Sassco jersey again in the 11-a-side field.

Back in the 6-a-side, he did return briefly to play a solitary game for Sassco in a 2-0 defeat to the Youth’s, but is at the moment waiting in the wings for Gash Brazier to fire up AFC Redhouse again and move forward as one, as he doesn’t seem to rate his successor, Thomas Bell, as genuine management material (Bell took over the embers after Brazier quit the League in disgust).

Since then, Murton has all but disappeared into obscurity, very similar to George Best playing for the Los Angeles Aztecs in the late 70’s. A vast talent, which is rapidly fading due to age and alcohol. It wouldn’t surprise anyone if in around fifteen or twenty years time, Murton will track down all his illegitimate children and form the genuine Murton FC, as David knows that the only good players around him should be clones of the Murton himself.

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