David Murton – Player Profile.

Murton takes a battering from Kyle Robinson after he wasn't impressed by his lack of goals.

Murton takes a battering from Kyle Robinson after he wasn't impressed by his lack of goals.

Vastly superior to anyone within the League*.

* According to David Murton.

It all began on a rare, warm summer evening – the 28th June 2005, to be precise. The League Secretary, Davinder Sangha was being pestered by some young upstart on MSN claiming that he was going give the incumbent Champions, Sporting Redhouse, a good seeing to. “Heard it all before” was Sangha’s response, but the mighty David “Bunta” Murton delivered on his promise and the Hylton Castle team, which up until then was floundering, sprung alive in a 2-2 draw.

In his own words, he claimed that he “set the league on fire with my amazing vision and lethal finishing and quickly becoming the star of the team.”

As a young pup, he was clearly eager to impress and establish himself as the best player ever seen in the Sassco League. After growing restless at Hylton Castle, he decided to head into management, which was a true disaster, much to everyone’s amusement. As Murton continues, “A team of testosterone filled steroid abusers, including Gav Murton, Chris Ord, Kyle Robinson and Davey Taylor.” The team, known as Marine House, just about won their first game, but then lost the second one. The team imploded and Murton was left with egg on his face.

He was then made aware of a new venture of Gash Braziers with AFC Redhouse and finally gained something to show for his talents. After a few successful campaigns, which included silverware, Murton was once again getting the itch (not a medical condition). He was poached by his previously sworn enemies, the Youth’s, and it all started well as he along with another shock signing, Hembrough, was banging in the the goals, including a memorable strike against the then Champions, Southwick, on his debut. Things did turn sour and according to Murton, “The Youth’s friendly alliances got in the way of success, as they insisted on playing their mates who are of a less quality then we had in the squad.” He then cancelled his contract with them and supposedly took a substantial pay off to keep silent over the Youth’s shenanigans.

His 11-a-side career was all hit and miss as well. Debuting for Sassco in 2005, he fired in a goal on his debut and began to tot up a number of strikes, before vanishing and returning sporadically. Sassco 11-a-side seems to be his spiritual home, but General Manager, Sangha, doesn’t seem to trust his reliability. Only time will tell if he ever dons the Sassco jersey again in the 11-a-side field.

Back in the 6-a-side, he did return briefly to play a solitary game for Sassco in a 2-0 defeat to the Youth’s, but is at the moment waiting in the wings for Gash Brazier to fire up AFC Redhouse again and move forward as one, as he doesn’t seem to rate his successor, Thomas Bell, as genuine management material (Bell took over the embers after Brazier quit the League in disgust).

Since then, Murton has all but disappeared into obscurity, very similar to George Best playing for the Los Angeles Aztecs in the late 70’s. A vast talent, which is rapidly fading due to age and alcohol. It wouldn’t surprise anyone if in around fifteen or twenty years time, Murton will track down all his illegitimate children and form the genuine Murton FC, as David knows that the only good players around him should be clones of the Murton himself.