A detailed map showing the venues Sassco.co.uk have played in since 2008.

MALTA 2008

7th November 2008
Victor Tedesco Stadium, Valletta, Malta
Kirkop FC 4 Sassco.co.uk 1
Scott Hembrough
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Marc McDermont, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Mark Muers, Scott Hembrough

8th November 2008
Victor Tedesco Stadium, Valletta, Malta
Mdina Knights 4 Sassco.co.uk 0
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Marc McDermont, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Davinder Sangha, Scott Hembrough

9th November 2008
Victor Tedesco Stadium, Valletta, Malta
Gudja FC 5 Sassco.co.uk 2
Mark Cresswell, Dave Gourlay
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Marc McDermont, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Davinder Sangha, Scott Hembrough (Davinder Sangha)

PORTUGAL 2009

17th October 2009
Estadio Da Nora, Albufeira, Portugal
FC Ferreiras 0 Sassco.co.uk 2
Scott Hembrough, Wayne Greenwell
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Mark Muers (Davinder Sangha), Simon Mulvaney, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Mark Muers, Scott Hembrough

16th October 2009
Municipal, Albufeira, Portugal
Juventude SC 1 Sassco.co.uk 1
Scott Hembrough
David Smith, Chris Dixon (Davinder Sangha), Simon Mulvaney, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Mark Muers, Scott Hembrough (William Harper)

18th October 2009
Hotel Alfamar, Albuifeira, Portugal
DFFC 6 Sassco.co.uk 4
Scott Hembrough 3, Mark Cresswell
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Simon Mulvaney, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Davinder Sangha, Scott Hembrough

SPAIN 2010

22nd October 2010
Pabello Zal, Barcelona, Spain
Port de Barcelona 14 Sassco.co.uk 8
Tim Gillespie 3, Scott Hembrough 2, Dave Gourlay 2, Mark Edmondson 1
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Scott Hembrough, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

23th October 2010
Complex Sportius Llars Mundet, Barcelona, Spain
Ashwan FC 8 Sassco.co.uk 9
Dave Gourlay 5, Mark Edmondson 2, Scott Hembrough 2
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Scott Hembrough, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

23th October 2010
Colegio Sagrado Corazón de Sarrià, Barcelona, Spain
ALM FC 7 Sassco.co.uk 7
Dave Gourlay 3, Scott Hembrough 2, Tim Gillespie 2
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Scott Hembrough, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

24th October 2010
Poliesportiu La Farga, Indoor Gym.
UE Sants 10 Sassco.co.uk 3
Dave Gourlay 1, Mark Edmondson 2
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Scott Hembrough, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

ITALY 2011

9th September 2011
Verde Giardino, Venice, Italy
Amici Calcetto Pellestrina 6 Sassco.co.uk 1
Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

9th September 2011
Verde Giardino, Venice, Italy
Amici Calcetto Pellestrina 3 Sassco.co.uk 3
Mark Edmondson 3
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

10th September 2011
Verde Giardino, Venice, Italy
Vimage SRL 3 Sassco.co.uk 3
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

10th September 2011
Verde Giardino, Venice, Italy
Vimage SRL 4 Sassco.co.uk 5
Mark Edmondson 2, Tim Gillespie, David Gourlay 2
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

GERMANY 2012

17th August 2012
CageBall Center, Dusseldorf, Germany
FC Vollkontakt 20 Sassco.co.uk 14
Matty Downs 2, Dave Gourlay 4, Matthew Alldis 2, Chris Dixon 2, Ed Cook 2, Paul McConville 2
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Matty Downs, Matthew Alldis, Dave Gourlay, Ed Cook

18th August 2012
CageBall Center, Dusseldorf, Germany
Futsal Lions 7 Sassco.co.uk 2
Paul McConville, Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Matty Downs, Matthew Alldis, Dave Gourlay, Ed Cook

FRANCE 2013

17th August 2013
Stade de Football, Villefranche, France
Sassco.co.uk 6 AngloSports 4
Ed Cook, Paul McConville, Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Dixon 2
Kevin Cooper, Ed Cook, Paul McConville, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

DENMARK 2014

25th July 2014
Dansk Boldspil-Union, Brondby, Denmark
Ishoj Fodbold Forening 12 Sassco co uk 5
Chris Dixon 2, Mike Barker 3
Carsten List, Arjan Sangha, Mike Barker, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon, Tim Gillespie

25th July 2014
Dansk Boldspil-Union, Brondby, Denmark
Ishoj Fodbold Forening 3 Sassco co uk 5
Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Mike Barker 2, Tim Gillespie
Carsten List, Mike Barker, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon, Tim Gillespie

26th July 2014
Dansk Boldspil-Union, Brondby, Denmark
Ishoj Fodbold Forening 4 Sassco co uk 6
Chris Dixon 2, Dave Gourlay 2, Mike Barker 2
Musa Binici, Arjan Sangha, Mike Barker, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon, Tim Gillespie

26th July 2014
Dansk Boldspil-Union, Brondby, Denmark
Ishoj Fodbold Forening 3 Sassco co uk 4
Chris Dixon 3, Mike Barker 
Musa Binici, Arjan Sangha, Mike Barker, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon, Tim Gillespie

UNITED STATES 2015

12th September 2015
East River Park, New York, United States
Alphabet City SC 6 Sassco co uk 6
Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Dixon 2, Greg Lalas
Davinder Sangha, Greg Lalas, Tomasz Kozlowski, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

12th September 2015
East River Park, New York, United States
Alphabet City SC 4 Sassco co uk 6
Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Dixon 2, Greg Lalas 2
Davinder Sangha, Greg Lalas, Tomasz Kozlowski, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

SWITZERLAND 2016

4th June 2016
École de commerce Aimée-Stitelmann, Geneva, Switzerland
FC Semailles 12 Sassco co uk 5
Dave Gourlay 3, Mike Barker, Chris Dixon
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Mike Barker, Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

5th June 2016
Stade De Fraisiers, Geneva, Switzerland
FC Semailles 3 Sassco co uk 4
Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay 3
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Mike Barker, Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

5th June 2016
Stade De Fraisiers, Geneva, Switzerland
FC Futsal Equipe 0 Sassco co uk 5
Mike Barker 2, Dave Gourlay 3
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Mike Barker, Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

5th June 2016
Stade De Fraisiers, Geneva, Switzerland
FC Geneva 2 Sassco co uk 1
Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Mike Barker, Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

ICELAND 2017

27th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 4 FC Sækó 0
Chris Scott 2, Dave Gourlay 2
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Indriði Waage, Chris Dixon

27th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 1 , Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur 0
Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Indriði Waage, Chris Dixon

27th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 2 Breiðablik UBK 0
Dave Gourlay 2 
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Indriði Waage, Chris Dixon

27th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 6 Ospin 2
Dave Gourlay 3, Chris Scott 2, OG
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Indriði Waage, Chris Dixon

28th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 2 Breiðablik UBK 2
Chris Scott, Chris Dixon
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Albert Steinn Guðjónsson, Chris Dixon

28th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 4 FC Sækó 1
Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Albert Steinn Guðjónsson, Chris Dixon

28th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 5 Ospin 0
Chris Dixon 2, Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Scott
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Albert Steinn Guðjónsson, Chris Dixon

28th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur 1 Sassco.co.uk 0
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Albert Steinn Guðjónsson, Chris Dixon

ISRAEL 2018 

20th May 2018
Ma’agan Michael, Israel
Sassco.co.uk 16 Soccerstars Tel Aviv 16
Soccerstars won 5-4 on penalties 
Tim Gillespie 1, Davinder Sangha 1, Roi Nave 1, Yaniv Lugasi 1, Chris Dixon 3, Dave Gourlay 9 
Roi Nave (Yaniv Lugasi), Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

CYPRUS 2019 

2nd April 2019
AM Fair Game, Paphos, Cyprus
A. M. Fair Game 14 Sassco.co.uk 10
Lee Calvert 4, Dave Gourlay 1, Gabriel Theodorou 4, Pitsillos 1
Davinder Sangha, Lee Calvert, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Gabriel Theodorou, Pitsillos

4thApril 2019
AM Fair Game, Paphos, Cyprus
St. Georges FC 9 Sassco.co.uk 6
Lee Calvert 4, Dave Gourlay 2
Maxim Kindyakov, Davinder Sangha, Lee Calvert, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay

5th April 2019
Alana Sports Center, Paphos, Cyprus
Alana FC 17 Sassco.co.uk 8
Lee Calvert 1, Dave Gourlay 3, Chris Dixon 2, Andreas Konstantinou 2
Davinder Sangha, Lee Calvert, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Andreas Konstantinou

2020, 2021 and 2022

The pandemic caused the cancellation of the Netherlands 2020 tour and it’s subsequent restarts for 2021 and 2022.

NETHERLANDS 2023 

4th May 2023
Sportcomplex, Oostzaan, Netherlands
OFC Oostzaan 2 Sassco.co.uk 0
Davinder Sangha, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Tim Gillespie, Mark McShane, John Harper

4th May 2023
Sportcomplex, Oostzaan, Netherlands
OFC Oostzaan 5 Sassco.co.uk 3
Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark McShane
Davinder Sangha, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Tim Gillespie, Mark McShane, John Harper

5th May 2023
AK Broek in Waterland, Netherlands
Voetbalvereniging S.D.O.B. 2 Sassco.co.uk 4
Leo Boon, Dave Gourlay, Mark McShane, John Harper~
Davinder Sangha, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Mark McShane, John Harper

5th May 2023
AK Broek in Waterland, Netherlands
Voetbalvereniging S.D.O.B. 4 Sassco.co.uk 0
Davinder Sangha, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Mark McShane, John Harper

The post Sassco’s tours overseas appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

DF FC 6 Sassco.co.uk 4.

Day 3, the final day of the tour. I was up at 7:00am and by 8:00am was making my way to McDonalds for breakfast. Nothing was open so I was reduced to sandwiches from the supermarket. Most were up and ready. Greenwell and Muers weren’t and I looked a bit unusual banging on their door to tell the dickheads to wake up.

Eventually everyone was up and we travelled to the Hotel Alfamar grass pitch. We were presented with perfect luxury changing rooms. Muers was unable to play due to injury, excess weight and a mammoth blister. Harper had done his calf in and could barely walk.

Marky Mark – Action Man.

They went 3-0 up before Scott Hembrough grabbed a goal. Eventually they added another one and we looked finished. In the second half, we upped our game and got back into it. We missed so many one-on-one chances, that I got worked up again. Must be the heat. Marky was non-stop running all day. Scott Hembrough scored a long range effort to reduce it to 4-2, but they scored again. Then Hembrough added his hat-trick. Si then handled the ball on the line, but wasn’t sent off. Dave Smith, fresh from his leg over, saved the penalty and we broke with me laying the ball to Hembrough and then Cresswell, livening up his failure of a tour so far to strike our fourth.

I had a nice rant at Cresswell which lasted about five minutes. If it isn’t the cold, it’s the heat.

Greenwell prepares to take a free-kick.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t add to it and they scored at the death. Hembrough was awarded the Player of the Tour award for Sassco from the referee, who did all three games.

Sangha takes one of his long(ish) throws and Dave Gourlay shows off the gift from the opponents. The slow stroll back after the game.

On the night, there were more shenanigans. Muers suffered quite heavily, while Greenwell is classed as a permanent victim. Back at the hotel, we relaxed besides the pool. Muers decided to jump in and was almost frozen. Greenwell refused – until Cresswell pushed him in. He got out and dried himself off before Muers reached up and dragged him back in, towel, cigarettes and all. Like I said; he’s a victim.

Greenwell was burning with a desire for revenge most of the day and decided that the line had to be crossed. He asked me to download some pornographic material off the Internet, because he wanted to masturbate, then ejaculate into a small empty bottle of mouthwash. I told him he could masturbate over a picture of Emu instead. Anyway, the disgusting deed was done and while at our evening meal (which took ages to arrive), he deposited it into Cressy’s now cloudy beer.

Cressy was paranoid about things happening and we were in agony watching him hold the pint and put it down. Finally he did the deed.

On the night he got his own back. He urinated into a shot glass and Greenwell drank it. Also Muers suffered on the evening when he dropped off to sleep in Cresswell’s room saying “I’m not falling asleep, I’m not falling asleeeeeeep…” He was toothpasted over his head. He sort of had revenge as the following day. Cresswell suffered from toothache as he had no toothpaste left during the tour. All of it went on Greenwell’s face the previous night and Muers’ head this night.

All during the tour, unknown culprits wandered around the corridors banging on the flat door alarm switches. Very inconvenient for those responsible types trying to get asleep. So for the final night, I smeared my piss on the flat panel. Could have been worse; my original plan was to have a cup of piss ready and the first ring to be heard, I would have opened the door thrown the cup over the culprit and simply closed the door again.

Day 4 | The return journey.

Talking about the voyage home the following day. Everyone was ready apart from Muers and Greenwell. We actually left them, until Cressy, probably due to him ingesting Greenwell’s jizz, didn’t have the heart and persuaded the driver to go back for them. He did and we were horrendously late. The EasyJet check-in desk was packed. We did manage to get there and have a bite to eat before the brief flight home.

That’s it for Portugal. Thanks to all the players and Gary Thomas at Algarve Football Tours for all the help. This was his first “official” tour as a business and we think he did a cracking job with the organisation.

The 2010 destination isn’t fixed yet. Tel Aviv in Israel is my preferred destination, but realistically, it’s going to be the South of France or Spain. Cyprus and Greece could also be possible destinations. Will keep all posted.

The post Portugal Tour | Day 3. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

FC Ferreiras 0 Sassco.co.uk 2.

A more relaxed morning. The long day the night before took it out of us. Si and Hembrough were having breakfast at a place called Betty Boop, next to the pub which was due to have the SAFC game on. Me and Harper wandered along and tasted the local cuisine and culture by choosing something called “a full English.”

No sign of the others until we got back to the hotel. Cresswell claimed he’d had a blow job off someone who Muers later described as looking like Kenwyne Jones. Muers himself was nearly involved in a flare up when his bosom buddy told a big, scary looking bloke he was a cage fighter. The bout was due to take place on Saturday night. Emu also encountered a Transvestite. Think he got his or hers number.

The long walk to the pick-up point. The squad relax before the game to watch Ferreiras first team in action. The flag goes up. Note Dixon’s duds. Apparently, he wore the same ones for all four days.

A few cliques were beginning to show within the team. Dave Smith clearly had Cressy as his “bitch.” He’s began to force Cressy to make his breakfast as well as tidying up his apartment room. Although when Cressy didn’t do a good job, Dave emptied his suitcase on the floor. We also discovered that the theory of Cressy’s gullibility is true. The theory is that if two people say the same thing, he believes it. I convinced him that we were playing the afternoon game on concrete, and by the time we’d walked a hundred metres I had told him it was indoors in a gym hall and we were going to play two games on Sunday; back-to-back.

Cresswell taking a throw in.

In the Dixon, McConville, Gourlay room, Dixon had been relegated to a cold cubby hole while McConville and Gourlay were in the separate, warmer section. “Three’s a crowd” said Dave G, while the exciteable Dixon tried to snuggle amongst them. Paul is also increasingly being referred to as a “Mincer” A term coined up by Mulvaney. The whole squad is frightened to be accused of this now.

Half time team talk with Sassco firmly in command.

After breakfast, we went on a wild goose chase to find Harper some cheap sun tan lotion. An hour out, we still didn’t have any, so it was pool time. Harper then made a critical error and decided to jump into the pool. The only way I can describe it is like someone hoying a house into the pool. The error he made was that he did his calf in and spent the rest of the day walking around like a Tellitubbie. It was at this time that Emu had to bum more cash.

We caught the Sunderland game at a local bar and then trailed up to be picked up. We arrived at the FC Ferreiras stadium and had time to watch a local, lower division game containing plenty of diving and play acting and typical Latin temperament.

I was warned by Gary Thomas that our opponents today, FC Ferreiras (a representative team) would complain to the referee constantly. However, the game wasn’t too bad. Greenwell fired in a bullet free-kick to put us ahead. Ironically, we performed poorly. Passing was terrible and we never picked out the right man. Eventually, Scott Hembrough scored the second goal and we were coasting.

By the second half, Emu had to come off after an inept performance, with him suffering blisters. I came on and it kicked off (not literally, but metaphorically). We were closing in on a second goal as we now started to dominate, when Dave Gourlay had a tangle with their player. They shook hands and it was over, but then the Manager of Ferrieras (who was playing) started saying, “Any more and game abandoned.” Shockingly it occurred. Much to the bemusement of his players, he walked off and said it was abandoned. This time I steamed in calling him a “soft bastard” “Soft Shite” and probably “Mincer” somewhere in there.

I have a theory why it was called off. Back in 1961, India expelled the Portuguese from Goa using military action. The Portuguese weren’t pleased, but they could do f**k all. Once their manager saw me coming on, he though not again. There’s no way our 2-0 win over Ferreiras would be classed as the biggest thing to happen since the 1961 victory and bottled it. That’s my theory anyway. It’s probably bollocks and the Ferreiras Manager was simply an aforementioned “Mincer”.

We had a few cold drinks in the bar afterwards where I was given a Ferreiras pennant. Harper dared me to burn it infront of them.

Party night. We all went to the Old Town and had a large meal and then over to some local bars. I drunk more than I normally do and started to feel the effects. Scotty H had left straight after the meal as his guts were rumbling. Greenwell discovered some Lesbians in a bar and was compelled by them (video footage of his wide eyed reaction uploaded soon). Marky and Bianca left just after midnight so I did the same. Was fine and relaxed in bed looking forward to some sleep when I began to throw up my guts. Did me a world of good. Bit light headed, but then the wankers started to ring the door bell when they started floating in. “A farce!” mumbled the comatose Harper in his sleep.

The main points scored in the evening was Davey Smith bringing a bird back to his room. Greenwell asked for some and was told, “f**k off you little twerp!” Greenwell also made the fatal mistake of falling asleep in Cressy’s room. He was completely smothered in toothpaste, chocolate and ice. He had a Crunchie bar and Maltesers rammed up his backside and ice cubes stuck in as well. It was all caught on video and his screams were unearthly. A modified video will be posted shortly.

Also, I’ll be banging on the dick heads’ doors 9:00am in the morning. Revenge is sweet.

The post Portugal Tour | Day 2. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Juventude Sport Campinense 1 Sassco.co.uk 1.

As expected, the paranoia kicked in about 6:00pm on the Thursday evening. I must have sent around seven or eight (or more) texts to everyone with subjects ranging from passports, to times, to kits, etc. Most didn’t get much sleep. I struggled to get some shut-eye from 7:00pm, but eventually crashed out at around 10:30pm and had a good sleep. Being paranoid, I told Dave Smith, Scotty H and Harper to text me the instant they woke. I also warned everyone I’d be texting them when I was up.

Around 5.30am and the pre-match alcohol has begun to flow with Cresswell, Muers, Greenwell and Dave Smith. Double whammy for Greenwell. First, being sick several times and second, having his passport photo from his car thief days being shown around. Dixon, Greenwell, McConville and Muers.

Timing seemed okay. Scotty and Tash were picked up on time and then over to Dave’s. In check-in, I was a bit worried. The worst thing to happen would be a suitcase loss. My oversized Adidas wheelie bag had to be checked in at the oversize section. Security was quick and in no time we were at the bar having a few drinks and breakfast.

Only delays were Emu, Greenwell and Cressy. The nonces were standing outside the aiport downing their final cans of Stella. Apparently they were bombing down the A1 due to Muers forgetting his mobile charger. Both Muers and Greenwell caught a glimpse of Cressy’s mother and instantly had the hots for her. Mentioning her around twice every five minutes from then on. She had made them turkey sandwiches. Both Muers and Greenwell are now fighting each other for the opportunity to become Cressy’s stepdad.

Me and Cresswell celebrating the fact that Emu left his money and cards at home and has become the official tour beggar / skip rat. Muers let loose with the camera enjoys the scenery.

Timing was getting better. Greenwell was bricking it on the plane and made full use of the sick bag. He also enjoyed several trips to the toilet. He also focused on McConville’s eyebrows – who made the faux pas of admitting his lass plucked them.

Eventually we landed and then another priceless moment (all caught on camera) was the removal of the smirk on Emu’s face when he realised he’d left his money and credit cards on the mantlepiece. He had to sub the Euros off me and others. And began to come up with schemes in order to raise funds such as male prostitution, tricks for Greenwell and mugging some locals.

The baggage also came in perfectly, and in the sweltering heat (yes, get jealous) we were on our way to the magnificent hotel. A real impressive site and ten-fold better than the shanty town we were in Malta. We turned up in the lobby and saw the welcome sight of a large sign / banner detailing our fixtures. The only hiccup was that mine and the Tash’s room along with Marky’s and Bianca were ready, but the others weren’t until a few hours later. I made sure the Sassco flag was flying outside our room, but eventually we asked to take it down. We all crashed in mine or Greenwell’s anyway and within minutes, we were by the pool in a perfect spot next to a few topless birds.

Better hotel than Malta. Even the cockroaches are smaller.

First serious training occurred with water polo (or handball) with a Sassco ball. We discovered that McConville’s shooting was pants. Several players nearly drowned. Best moment was Muers, submerged slowly coming to the surface head first. I waited and cannoned the ball off his head to get a bit of height to get the ball to Hembrough who nearly netted (scored or whatever they call it). After that, the fun and frolics continued with both Muers and Greenwell getting more affectionate towards each other. But that was probably Emu trying to get more funding off his pimp.

We met Gary Thomas, the tour operator who gave us the low down and a round of drinks. We also noticed a decent article in the local paper about us. After this we had lunch in a local restaurant, but Cressy and Dave Smith went to McDonalds.

Quite a few crashed out at the hotel after this, before the big game.

Hembrough, Paul, Gourlay and Harper.

We walked it there. The stroll was around ten minutes up and down the hill and towards the original venue we were due to be in. However, we knew in advance that it was the excellent training 3G turf we were on. The team talk was good and the pre-match training was great. Only cock-up was Hembrough and Cresswell not having blue socks, which meant me and the Tash had to remove ours and give to them. This meant a swap over if any subs. Image is everything.

The match kicked off and our opponents, like us, were all shapes and sizes. We were performing better. Scott Hembrough broke the deadlock from a Greenwell through ball and looped the ball over their ‘keeper. Later on, Greenwell said to him, “Was that a Poborski style goal?” response: “No, Scott Hembrough, you daft twat.”

Priorities. The flag was erected immediately on arrival. Sangha and Hembrough suffer in the humid evening on the bench. Hembrough, like in Malta, scored the first Sassco goal and wins a £13 bonus. Plus, Gourlay continues the second half. George Dawes, what are the scores?

Muers, who was walloping around like a sap, then had a great chance to double the lead, only to see the ball strike the ‘keepers legs. It was then that we suffered in the heat. Dave Smith was called on for some great saves and his defence in front of him (Tim and Paul Mc) were very strong. Dave Smith looked for the short option to Dave G at left back all the time and we built from the back.

Second half saw tiredness kick in. They eventually equalised from a quick free kick and came into it strongly. Rolling subs came on. I came on for Dixon just after a massive “take them f**king socks off!” slanging match with him, and nearly had a perfect chance to score. I chested it down in the box and was about to let loose a left foot screamer until Muers came steaming in and shouted “bury it” which resulted in me completely missing the ball. Harper later said that had I scored he would have walked off and gone home.

Harper, Mulvaney, Sangha and Dixon (suffering) relax in the stadium restaurant afterwards.

More chances. Cresswell clean on shot at the ‘keeper, then right at the death, Marky’s cross shaved the post and Emu decided to nod it wide. So close. Torrents of abuse were heaped on Emu afterwards when we had a chargrilled chicken buffet at the stadium. I received several texts in response to the result and Emu’s miss. Most replies were to drop him.We’ve come to the conclusion that he whispers “Emu up front, Emu up front, Emu up front…” in Greenwell’s ear when they’re asleep together to subconsciously force him to play him in attack.

By midnight we stumbled back to the hotel. Si took afront at some public display of affection when Marky and Biance were hand-in-hand down the street, but I said if it’s acceptable for Muers and Greenwell, it’s good enough for anyone.

Some idiot, probably Cressy, rang my apartment door bell early in the morning and I discovered about eight missed calls from him on my phone. It was on ‘silent’ any way. Nob head must have locked himself out of his room.

The post Portugal Tour | Day 1. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Friday	Saturday	Sunday	Monday
Sunny Max: 26°C 79°F Sunrise: 07:40	Sunny Max: 26°C Sunrise: 07:41	Sunny Max: 25°C Sunrise: 07:42	Sunny Max: 26°C Sunrise: 07:43
Wind, humidity, pressure and visibility
Wind: ESE 11mph Hum: 43% Press: 1017mB Vis: Good	Wind: E 17mph Hum: 43% Press: 1018mB Vis: Good	Wind: ESE 7mph Hum: 68% Press: 1016mB Vis: Good	Wind: ESE 9mph Hum: 39% Press: 1015mB Vis: Good
Night weather
Clear Sky Min: 20°CSunset: 18:53	Clear Sky Min: 18°CSunset: 18:52	Clear Sky Min: 16°CSunset: 18:50	Clear Sky Min: 18°CSunset: 18:49

The post Portugal weather. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

As mentioned earlier, for the second game (on Saturday), we will now be on 3G turf now, as FC Ferreira’s first team will be playing on the main pitch. We’ll probably go there a little bit early to catch their game, before taking part in our game. The photo of the new venue is shown above.

The post Venue change for Ferreira’s game. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

We play our host, Gary Thomas’ team on Sunday just before lunchtime. Afterwards, we’ll be at the Bar Solar Da Palanicie near the football pitch at Alfamar where we can celebrate our tour conclusion after our match.

The post Sunday afternoon bar. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

More publicity in Portugal. Algarve Resident, the local newspaper (online and in print) for the area, will be featuring Sassco’s tour. Thanks to Inês Lopes at the newspaper and also Gary Thomas at Algarve Football Tours.

Their website is http://www.algarveresident.com/

The post In the newspaper in Portugal. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Pleased to announce that the local radio station, KISS FM Algarve will be mentioning our tour and also the match details up to and on game days. When we were in Malta last year, we were similarly featured on radio and still feature in the www.visitmalta.com website.

Thanks to Garry Auger from Kiss FM and also Gary Thomas from Algarve Football Tours for arranging this.

Kiss FM’s website is at www.kissfmalgarve.com

The post On the radio in Portugal. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

After our late game on Friday (the day we land in Portugal), we’ve been invited into the restaurant/bar in the Imortal Stadium, as they have put on chicken and chips for after the match. Cost will be 14 euros each, so that’s our Friday evening sorted. This will include some beers each. Our opponents on the Campinesne team will also join us as well.

The post Hospitality in Portugal on Friday. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.