A detailed map showing the venues Sassco.co.uk have played in since 2008.

MALTA 2008

7th November 2008
Victor Tedesco Stadium, Valletta, Malta
Kirkop FC 4 Sassco.co.uk 1
Scott Hembrough
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Marc McDermont, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Mark Muers, Scott Hembrough

8th November 2008
Victor Tedesco Stadium, Valletta, Malta
Mdina Knights 4 Sassco.co.uk 0
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Marc McDermont, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Davinder Sangha, Scott Hembrough

9th November 2008
Victor Tedesco Stadium, Valletta, Malta
Gudja FC 5 Sassco.co.uk 2
Mark Cresswell, Dave Gourlay
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Marc McDermont, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Davinder Sangha, Scott Hembrough (Davinder Sangha)

PORTUGAL 2009

17th October 2009
Estadio Da Nora, Albufeira, Portugal
FC Ferreiras 0 Sassco.co.uk 2
Scott Hembrough, Wayne Greenwell
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Mark Muers (Davinder Sangha), Simon Mulvaney, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Mark Muers, Scott Hembrough

16th October 2009
Municipal, Albufeira, Portugal
Juventude SC 1 Sassco.co.uk 1
Scott Hembrough
David Smith, Chris Dixon (Davinder Sangha), Simon Mulvaney, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Mark Muers, Scott Hembrough (William Harper)

18th October 2009
Hotel Alfamar, Albuifeira, Portugal
DFFC 6 Sassco.co.uk 4
Scott Hembrough 3, Mark Cresswell
David Smith, Chris Dixon, Simon Mulvaney, Paul McConville, Tim Gillespie, Mark Middlemiss, Dave Gourlay, Wayne Greenwell, Davinder Sangha, Scott Hembrough

SPAIN 2010

22nd October 2010
Pabello Zal, Barcelona, Spain
Port de Barcelona 14 Sassco.co.uk 8
Tim Gillespie 3, Scott Hembrough 2, Dave Gourlay 2, Mark Edmondson 1
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Scott Hembrough, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

23th October 2010
Complex Sportius Llars Mundet, Barcelona, Spain
Ashwan FC 8 Sassco.co.uk 9
Dave Gourlay 5, Mark Edmondson 2, Scott Hembrough 2
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Scott Hembrough, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

23th October 2010
Colegio Sagrado Corazón de Sarrià, Barcelona, Spain
ALM FC 7 Sassco.co.uk 7
Dave Gourlay 3, Scott Hembrough 2, Tim Gillespie 2
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Scott Hembrough, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

24th October 2010
Poliesportiu La Farga, Indoor Gym.
UE Sants 10 Sassco.co.uk 3
Dave Gourlay 1, Mark Edmondson 2
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Scott Hembrough, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

ITALY 2011

9th September 2011
Verde Giardino, Venice, Italy
Amici Calcetto Pellestrina 6 Sassco.co.uk 1
Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

9th September 2011
Verde Giardino, Venice, Italy
Amici Calcetto Pellestrina 3 Sassco.co.uk 3
Mark Edmondson 3
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

10th September 2011
Verde Giardino, Venice, Italy
Vimage SRL 3 Sassco.co.uk 3
Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

10th September 2011
Verde Giardino, Venice, Italy
Vimage SRL 4 Sassco.co.uk 5
Mark Edmondson 2, Tim Gillespie, David Gourlay 2
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark Edmondson

GERMANY 2012

17th August 2012
CageBall Center, Dusseldorf, Germany
FC Vollkontakt 20 Sassco.co.uk 14
Matty Downs 2, Dave Gourlay 4, Matthew Alldis 2, Chris Dixon 2, Ed Cook 2, Paul McConville 2
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Matty Downs, Matthew Alldis, Dave Gourlay, Ed Cook

18th August 2012
CageBall Center, Dusseldorf, Germany
Futsal Lions 7 Sassco.co.uk 2
Paul McConville, Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Matty Downs, Matthew Alldis, Dave Gourlay, Ed Cook

FRANCE 2013

17th August 2013
Stade de Football, Villefranche, France
Sassco.co.uk 6 AngloSports 4
Ed Cook, Paul McConville, Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Dixon 2
Kevin Cooper, Ed Cook, Paul McConville, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

DENMARK 2014

25th July 2014
Dansk Boldspil-Union, Brondby, Denmark
Ishoj Fodbold Forening 12 Sassco co uk 5
Chris Dixon 2, Mike Barker 3
Carsten List, Arjan Sangha, Mike Barker, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon, Tim Gillespie

25th July 2014
Dansk Boldspil-Union, Brondby, Denmark
Ishoj Fodbold Forening 3 Sassco co uk 5
Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Mike Barker 2, Tim Gillespie
Carsten List, Mike Barker, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon, Tim Gillespie

26th July 2014
Dansk Boldspil-Union, Brondby, Denmark
Ishoj Fodbold Forening 4 Sassco co uk 6
Chris Dixon 2, Dave Gourlay 2, Mike Barker 2
Musa Binici, Arjan Sangha, Mike Barker, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon, Tim Gillespie

26th July 2014
Dansk Boldspil-Union, Brondby, Denmark
Ishoj Fodbold Forening 3 Sassco co uk 4
Chris Dixon 3, Mike Barker 
Musa Binici, Arjan Sangha, Mike Barker, Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon, Tim Gillespie

UNITED STATES 2015

12th September 2015
East River Park, New York, United States
Alphabet City SC 6 Sassco co uk 6
Davinder Sangha, Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Dixon 2, Greg Lalas
Davinder Sangha, Greg Lalas, Tomasz Kozlowski, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

12th September 2015
East River Park, New York, United States
Alphabet City SC 4 Sassco co uk 6
Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Dixon 2, Greg Lalas 2
Davinder Sangha, Greg Lalas, Tomasz Kozlowski, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

SWITZERLAND 2016

4th June 2016
École de commerce Aimée-Stitelmann, Geneva, Switzerland
FC Semailles 12 Sassco co uk 5
Dave Gourlay 3, Mike Barker, Chris Dixon
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Mike Barker, Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

5th June 2016
Stade De Fraisiers, Geneva, Switzerland
FC Semailles 3 Sassco co uk 4
Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay 3
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Mike Barker, Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

5th June 2016
Stade De Fraisiers, Geneva, Switzerland
FC Futsal Equipe 0 Sassco co uk 5
Mike Barker 2, Dave Gourlay 3
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Mike Barker, Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

5th June 2016
Stade De Fraisiers, Geneva, Switzerland
FC Geneva 2 Sassco co uk 1
Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Mike Barker, Ed Cook, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

ICELAND 2017

27th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 4 FC Sækó 0
Chris Scott 2, Dave Gourlay 2
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Indriði Waage, Chris Dixon

27th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 1 , Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur 0
Dave Gourlay
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Indriði Waage, Chris Dixon

27th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 2 Breiðablik UBK 0
Dave Gourlay 2 
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Indriði Waage, Chris Dixon

27th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 6 Ospin 2
Dave Gourlay 3, Chris Scott 2, OG
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Indriði Waage, Chris Dixon

28th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 2 Breiðablik UBK 2
Chris Scott, Chris Dixon
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Albert Steinn Guðjónsson, Chris Dixon

28th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 4 FC Sækó 1
Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Albert Steinn Guðjónsson, Chris Dixon

28th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Sassco.co.uk 5 Ospin 0
Chris Dixon 2, Dave Gourlay 2, Chris Scott
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Albert Steinn Guðjónsson, Chris Dixon

28th May 2017
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur , Reykjavik, Iceland
Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur 1 Sassco.co.uk 0
Kevin Cooper, Davinder Sangha, Chris Scott, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Albert Steinn Guðjónsson, Chris Dixon

ISRAEL 2018 

20th May 2018
Ma’agan Michael, Israel
Sassco.co.uk 16 Soccerstars Tel Aviv 16
Soccerstars won 5-4 on penalties 
Tim Gillespie 1, Davinder Sangha 1, Roi Nave 1, Yaniv Lugasi 1, Chris Dixon 3, Dave Gourlay 9 
Roi Nave (Yaniv Lugasi), Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Chris Dixon

CYPRUS 2019 

2nd April 2019
AM Fair Game, Paphos, Cyprus
A. M. Fair Game 14 Sassco.co.uk 10
Lee Calvert 4, Dave Gourlay 1, Gabriel Theodorou 4, Pitsillos 1
Davinder Sangha, Lee Calvert, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Gabriel Theodorou, Pitsillos

4thApril 2019
AM Fair Game, Paphos, Cyprus
St. Georges FC 9 Sassco.co.uk 6
Lee Calvert 4, Dave Gourlay 2
Maxim Kindyakov, Davinder Sangha, Lee Calvert, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay

5th April 2019
Alana Sports Center, Paphos, Cyprus
Alana FC 17 Sassco.co.uk 8
Lee Calvert 1, Dave Gourlay 3, Chris Dixon 2, Andreas Konstantinou 2
Davinder Sangha, Lee Calvert, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Andreas Konstantinou

2020, 2021 and 2022

The pandemic caused the cancellation of the Netherlands 2020 tour and it’s subsequent restarts for 2021 and 2022.

NETHERLANDS 2023 

4th May 2023
Sportcomplex, Oostzaan, Netherlands
OFC Oostzaan 2 Sassco.co.uk 0
Davinder Sangha, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Tim Gillespie, Mark McShane, John Harper

4th May 2023
Sportcomplex, Oostzaan, Netherlands
OFC Oostzaan 5 Sassco.co.uk 3
Tim Gillespie, Dave Gourlay, Mark McShane
Davinder Sangha, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Tim Gillespie, Mark McShane, John Harper

5th May 2023
AK Broek in Waterland, Netherlands
Voetbalvereniging S.D.O.B. 2 Sassco.co.uk 4
Leo Boon, Dave Gourlay, Mark McShane, John Harper~
Davinder Sangha, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Mark McShane, John Harper

5th May 2023
AK Broek in Waterland, Netherlands
Voetbalvereniging S.D.O.B. 4 Sassco.co.uk 0
Davinder Sangha, Chris Dixon, David Gourlay, Mark McShane, John Harper

The post Sassco’s tours overseas appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Shopping, drinking and it actually rained!

The Monday was coming back day. Me, Macca, Cressy and Dave Smith spent it shopping around. The Maltese roads and pavements were shocking. Digga, in his health and safety role would have closed the whole street down and sent everyone home.

Greenwell and Emu had snared a cockroach and named it “Crez the Cockroach” and used it on Cressy and Greenwell had it kicked into his face by myself. Muers also managed to crush some stink bombs into Macca’s bed while we all noticed the toothpaste he’d had pasted all over him was still there and un cleaned. Muers hadn’t brushed his teeth and had a shave since we started.

The trip back on the plane saw everyone convincing Macca that he needed a boarding pass to get on. Cressy also briefly lost his passport. When on the plane, most were sitting separately. The yokels were in the back, while. Muers and Greenwell were separates. Every now and then we shouted over Greenwell and all we saw were some eyebrows looking at us. Same with Emu, – just a shine red head with tint of ginger. The flight attendant gave Cressy a packet of crayons and a drawing book, while everyone was busy chatting up the over 60’s Saga Tour that was also on the flight. Tim, well pissed and rapidly making an arse of himself asks someone on the same plane flying from Malta, “did you have a nice holiday – where you been?” He also spent a few incidents trying to drop everyone’s trousers, before Greenwell yanked his off back at the terminal in full few of everyone. Hairy arse and thumb-like nob sticking out and all. Cressy also spilt drink on himself and looked as if he’d pissed his pants.

The plane went through some heavy turbulence when landing at Gatwick. Macca, sitting at the back, shouts loudly to Emu, who’s sitting between two pensioners, “Ere, Emu, stop moving about.”

That was it really. Me Hembrough, Tim and Scotty spent the evening at a Gatwick hotel as did Dixon and Gourlay. The yokels had to drive all the way back. I wouldn’t have minded, but the rest overnight and the flight back in the morning was on like clockwork.

I was presented with a signed ball and some gifts from all the players (when we were leaving Malta), which didn’t really bring a tear to my eye (I’m not that sort of bloke), but I was worrying about rummaging inside the back incase Crez the Cockroach was scuttling about. I did plan for the next tour to be in Portugal in 2010, but overwhelmingly was asked to get it for next year. Only problem is that Macca’s wife was also threatening him with all-sorts, so I’ve decided to ban him from any future tours as I don’t want any death threats floating around. However, the plan is to all pack some extra clothes for him in our own suitcases while he tells his other half that he’s going out for a paper and comes back three or four days later.

So, if everything goes to plan, it’s Portugal Tour 2009 in November next year. The venue, the country might all change as it’s going to be based on cheapest flights this time. It could change to Germany or Southern Italy. Really don’t want to go through the headache of transfer flights. If we are going for the cheapest option, then it’s hopping on an oil tanker and remembering to bring some portable goalposts. Gourlay suggested something like Poland or other Eastern European destinations. I reminded him that they “don’t like my kind around there….”

One thing for certain, I’ll be specifying a quad room for Macca, Cressy, Muers and Greenwell.

Shirt sponsor	Tour operator	Visit Malta.com	Host night club	Supporting radio station

The post The Voyage Home appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Best performance so far, but second half lack of fitness shows

The third and final game took us to the evening on Sunday. As everyone had a late, late night, we all switched alarms off for the morning. I was absolutely gutted that I got back at 3:00am, but woke up, bright as a spark at 6:30am. I wandered along the harbour for a bit and was really tempted to get fully kitted up, bang on Macca’s door and tell him the bus was waiting, before legging it back to my room, leaving him in a panic. Eventually, everyone got up around the 11:00am mark and we all had breakfast in a local bar (full English, obviously). The drinking started again there. Greenwell was still asleep and didn’t wake until the late afternoon. It sort of dawned on us that this last game needed a good performance. The extra rest helped, but the extra drink would kick in during the second half. My hangover was actually kicking in during the early afternoon. Blocked nose and a headache.

Like clockwork, we got to the stadium after 5:00pm. The opponents this time were Gudja FC, and we played the best we could. This time we were playing an experimental 5-3-2 under Dave Gourlay (who picked the formation and positions for the second game as well, due to me relinquishing managerial duties due to camera work). It was working well. Scott Hembrough as sweeper had things sewn up at the back and Cressy’s goal opened the scoring. Dave Gourlay added to it after coming close with a free kick. Paul McConville was also bundled down in the box and the overly large referee failed to award a free-kick. Criminally, Scott H’s career came to an end with an injury, which was probably a turning point. The offside trap was working well, until the referee actually overruled his linesman. It all kicked off heavily. I called the referee a “wanker” three times loudly, then we went at the linesman asking him to shove his flag up the referee’s arse. I’m convinced that inside this big referee was a little Ken Street pulling all the levers. Later on, he overruled him again and I went up to the linesman and said, “mate, may as well, get yourself up there for a pint, because that prick isn’t listening to you.” Fitness took it’s toll and eventually we succumbed to a 5-2 defeat having changed to 4-4-2 in the second half due to the wing backs struggling to get back. This concluded our marathon set of games. Lack of players, too much drink and general unfitness with two or three players, who wouldn’t have played in normal circumstances due to injury, playing.

The night saw everyone chilling out at the same restaurant we spent the opening night. Everyone was stuffed and crawled back to the hotel to sleep. Macca remembered to lock his door this time. Apparently, they were all out late again and someone saw a stray dog and made that “Here boy” clicking noise you do to any dumb animal. Macca, being of the same ilk said, “Ere, it won’t understand English.”

The post Sassco.co.uk 2 Gudja FC 5. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Searing heat combined with massive hangovers.

The morning game was rough. I started due to Emu blowing out of his arse for the previous one. Cressy was well out of it with a hangover. The little spotty virgin could barely handle it. Luckily, Marky’s Missus, Bianca, was on hand to record the games. To be honest, had she not been there, it likely we wouldn’t have recorded the footage we had, so many thanks go out to her and also a medal for suffering a bunch of fuckwits making an arse of themselves. Ironically, she was much better at recording than me, because I tend to look up and bollock Emu, while play is going on elsewhere.

Cressy had to go off for Emu, but then I was blowing out of my backside after seventy minutes and we dragged Cressy back on. The eventual loss was 4-0. After the game we spent a bit of time at the stadium with a few drinks where I managed to meet Pierre Azzopardi, the person who’d arranged the perfect tour.

Back after the game, it was fun time. Macca and Cressy crept into Emu’s room and doused him in shaving foam. Completely fast asleep and all recorded on camera.
The big shock of the day was Dixon’s new look. The closest we could say was a sort of candidate to assassinate Obama. A red neck, yokel with a straw in his mouth. “Just call me….Digga,” he growled during the night.

We also went to watch the SAFC match at a local pub where Emu was demonstrating the microcosmic version of the English Lout, shouting and balling at the screen when Sunderland lost. Actually, when Defoe scored, he shouted, “I hope you die, you gap toothed twat,” while Greenwell was sitting next to him. No consideration whatsoever.

Then it was the night out. The place was St. Julians, and I’m not exaggerating when I say it was wall to wall pussy of the finest kind. The problem was that they were all so fucking miserable, there was no chance for any of the single lads. I think you’d need a subway sized cock (and make it a foot long) encrusted in ribbed diamonds and balls the size of Emu’s head to get any joy. Cressy did actually snare a young un, but like his passing and link up play, the thick cunt lost her in the crowd. Also, apparently he was nearly in luck with another girl, until someone told her he was only 14.

We actually started off in Fuego to see Ken Camilleri the Manager of XFM, Malta’s local radio station and also the manager of the bar. We got a full set of free drinks and spent a good hour in there smoking the pipes of peace and generally pissing off the locals in for a “quiet” drink.

It was then to the bar where Cressy got (and lost) his bird. Ironically, it was the similar pattern to his facebook relationships. He announces he’s in a relationship, then when you press CTRL and F5 around four times, she’s dumped him. This was the bar where the birds were dancing on the table and where Scott Hembrough was bumping his arse with a fine looking one in denim. Yet, when he turned his back, he was bumping it with a fat heffer and nearly shite himself when he turned around five minutes later. Scott also nearly revealed his thong, but it was way too dark.

A bar later, we all crushed Emu as he was seating in a comfy chair. I then tried to give him some Vodka and coke, but because I was rapidly getting drunk, poured it into into his eye instead. Greenwell’s chat up line was, “How you doing?” in the manner of Joey from Friends. He actually sounded like Watto, the flying slave trader who looked like a turd from the first Star Wars film – Episode One.

Then, the infamous lap dancing bar. I saw a taxi rank and it being 2:30am, as well as me drinking more in one night than I have in five years, I decided to conclude the night. Marky Mark and Bianca had left just before me as well. In the club, an anonymous person spent around 60 Euros on three lap dances. He then asked the fancy bird for a suck which cost an extra 30 Euro. This resulted in three sucks before she fucked off with his cash. Arse!

Another bright spark spent around 40 Euro on champagne and a flat chested bit of stuff on his knee. “like an ironing board with two cherries on top,” was his description. Finally, everyone chipped in around 20 Euro each to get Scotty an on-stage dance. He did all the Sassco lads proud when he dropped his pants for the bird, exposing his thong. Apparently, the look on her face was priceless. Not that I was there to see it.

They all went into some strange dingy bar where Emu was banging his head on the wall as well as all of them writing on the wall before realising there was a CCTV camera in the top corner watching them.

The trip back to the hotel for some of the players was scary, as they got in with Ridge Racer, who was blaring out some loud music while driving a tad bit too fast. Ironically, Paul McConville nearly caused a fight at the start of the night when he ordered two taxis by mistake. Both the taxi drivers nearly laid into each other. When Muers and co came back to the hotel, it was partially locked. They managed to creep in while Greenwell did his “Manuel” impression behind the counter while dishing out the keys. The hotel porter eventually came down and Dave Smith called him a “dirty, perving bastard,” as he was probably sneaking in and out of someone’s room.

Cressy and Macca, being quite clever, locked their door before the night began, but being thick as pig shit, left their key at reception, where Muers and Greenwell asked for it and sneaked in and shaving foamed the entire room, their boots and all. Greenwell was ready to take a dump in the cushions, but Emu stopped him for some reason. I’m really worried that I’m going to get a call from the Hotel when back in England, saying that a shocked cleaner found a steaming turd in the third drawer from the left. It wouldn’t surprise me because the room was lifting.

The post Sassco.co.uk 0 Mdina Knights FC 4. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Hembrough opens the account, but everyone else is out of it

I was utterly convinced that out of the thousands of flights from Newcastle to all over, ours would be the only one that’d get cancelled. This would mean the dipstick, Ant Hill mob, driving down in the car (with Dave Smith being the only sensible one) would have to play 6-a-side against their Maltese opponents. In the event, everything was truly perfect. No delays and we were all in Gatwick with plenty of time to wait for the Malta flight.

Everyone driving down was well sloshed. Cressy was boozed up and Macca, Greenwell and Muers (who was catching up) had their fair share in Gatwick. So the flight itself had it’s usual ups and downs. I managed to get us all in together in the same seats. Greenwell fell asleep and had his face painted, while Emu sleeping had his watched stolen. He woke up, slavered all over his shirt and then looked at his wrist to see what time it was. Greenwell also puked up in the toilets before take off. It didn’t help that he admitted he was scared of flying, so it was the usual, “that wing looks a bit loose”, “is that smoke coming out there?”, “have you seen Airport 77, when they crash into the sea?” Gourlay and Cressy also got bollocked by the Air Hostess.

“What are the rules?” asked someone. “No rules,” was my reply. Once we took off from Gatwick, everyone was on their own. We landed and then it was a perfect transport to the hotel. Everything was running like clock work. Everyone was sharing rooms, but to my utter luck, Macca / Cressy were roomed next door to Greenwell / Muers. To top it off, instead of single beds, Macca and Cressy had one double bed. Cressy being the bitch of the relationship was in for a sore time (and a sore arse). He also discovered that an ex of his was spreading rumours that he was fiddling with boys in the Town End Farm Club toilets.

We met in the lobby and were soon transported to the Victor Tedesco Stadium for our first game, an evening game. Everyone was well out of it by now. In the changing rooms, Scotty revealed his thong. As I said, there were no rules in this tour and it also included relaxing my ban on long hair and homosexuals, which is the reason why Scotty Hembrough, turning increasingly camp throughout the tour, was available to play. The opponents, KirKop FC looked well and truly useful. All doing the usual warm up stuff while we could barely keep our eyes open.

Game kicked off and I announced there was no way I was going to play. Cressy, apparently “sober as a judge” was forced to play the full ninety. Marky Mark was our Man-of-the-match and rapidly realised that Sassco have been standing still for six years. He’s probably shocked thinking about how he spent a year travelling up and down from Northumberland playing with a bunch of retards. We actually did okay in the first half. Eventually they wore us down and went 4-0 up. Scott Hembrough scored a late consolation, but it was all that we deserved.

The standard of the Maltese sides was spectacular. We look at amateur football in a different way. The top level sides in Malta are pro, but not well paid, so the attitude in all the other sides is exactly the same. The same level of fitness and dedication. These are all teams run along the lines of the likes of Shildon AFC. In Malta there are no teams put together by one person such as the retards playing for us and not training, etc. These are all well organised community units.

Back to the hotel, shave, shower, clean up and we spent the evening in a local restaurant, drinking heavily and stuffing our jaws in preparation for an early morning kick off against Mdina Knights.

The post Sassco.co.uk 1 KirKop FC 4. appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

A panoramic view of Sassco’s venue for the tour. The Victor Tedesco Stadium (Capacity: 2,000) was inaugurated in 1996 and is the training ground for Hamrun Spartans. This football ground is used for the Premier League (including some of Hamrun’s league home matches), Division 1 and the FA Trophy. It is occasionally used by the National Team’s Under 21 side

Website. http://www.hamrunspartansfc.com

The post Victor Tedesco Stadium appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.

Malta 2008 Sassco team information. Numbers are shown as squad numbers.
	01 Dave Smith The highly regarded goalkeeper from Fatfield Biddick Inn. Made one appearance for the “B” team.
	02 Mark Cresswell Our current leading goalscorer. Cresswell will be playing in the forward position for Malta.
	03 Dave Gourlay Central midfielder and Team Captain. Will be occupying the same role in Malta. One of the originals.
	04 Davinder Sangha Team Manager. One of the originals, but will be mainly starting as substitute.
	05 Tim Gillespie A regular member of the squad.A utility player who will be playing as full-back for Malta.
	06 Marc McDermont Joined Sassco in 2007. Will be used as a full back or winger during the Malta trip.
	07 Scott Hembrough Played for Sassco in 2005 and will be returing as a forward player for the Malta trip.
	08 Paul McConville A non-regular for Sassco during 2008. Adaptable player in a full-back or midfield role.
	09 Wayne Greenwell Another original back in the fold after a two year absence. Will be in centre midfield.
	10 Mark Middlemiss Joined Sassco in 2006, but played less in 2008. Will be mainly used as a winger in Malta.
	11 Chris Dixon One of the originals from back in 2002. Dixon will be filling the centre half role for the Malta trip.
	12 Mark Muers Another original player. Will be centre half and Vice Captain for Malta.

The post Malta Tour Squad appeared first on Sassco.co.uk.