Murton’s chaos delivers a result. Sangha is humiliated in front of a large crowd.

Murton and Robinson proved their worth in front of the big crowd of around ten people. Sangha’s team folded and collapsed within minutes of Nelly making his first complaint.

Fulwell Buccaneers 8 Downhill Impact 0
After last week’s diabolical capitulation against Sassco, a result which nearly drove Murton into administration (as he was banking on the £5 win for the mini-competition to cut down his entrance costs), this week saw the team much improved. Yes Trigger has been banned from all football and put on the sex offenders list, so Murton “stole” Kev McCluskey from Nissan and put Carl “Carlos” Middlemiss outfield.

Their opponents, Downhill Impact, were struggling. It was left to Simma to run the team and the first tactical error occured when he put himself outfield and the portly Bri Marley in goal. The result was never in doubt. The Murton / Robinson double act was finally producing the goods, as well as its own homoerotic undertones with both players working off each other. Jimmy Raeper got in on the act with two goals, but Kyle finally let go of the “over the hill” shackles with a hat-trick. Carlos, Woody and Bunta added the other goal.

Nissan 8 Sassco.co.uk 2
A disaster for Sassco. Even as the whistle was blowing, Nelly was in full whinge blow because I couldn’t manage to prize Ronaldinho away from his day off to take apart a strong Nissan side. Even Logan was struggling with errors and will no doubt be self harming again tonight. Saying that – Nissan were well on form and fully deserved their “favourites” tag. Just as Nelly had finished his first stage whinge, they scored and soon racked up five goals in the first half. Sassco didn’t know what to do with themselves. The second wasn’t much better. Sassco did score two, but Nissan had notched up eight goals by then. Mark Moon scored a hat-trick, Mark Catcheside scored two, along with Calvert. Josh Lay only managed the one.

It’s quite obvious that the challenge is a two horse race. Murton’s minions against the ultra-professional Nissan. Josh Lay claims that despite Murton’s revival, “they haven’t got a chance. And that Kyle. I’ll tell you what – I’ve seen aircraft carriers turn faster than him.”

Note that you can now access more player and team statistics in the League Table and Results page. Simple click on to the team name (in results and the table) and then a little drop down menu will appear showing additional options. It’s still under construction, but seems to be functional.

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Titch: The Miracle Midget.

The already bolstered missing list got even worse. Dave Smith was added to the list to those missing on Monday, and I expected this to be the first time we would present ten players.

However, resourcefulness and persuasion led to a total of twelve (including me) against the Times Inn. Stephen “Titch” Conlin’s last game for Sassco was back on the 5th September and he re-introduced himself to a crumbling squad with an emphatic hat-trick and performance.

Times Inn went 1-0 ahead after we had the better chances. The ex-Sassco trio of Mickey Donkin, Kevin and Paul McCluskey were more than pleased on taking the lead for their own team. After some dallying on the ball, Times Inn snatched it and their player hammered the ball into the roof of the net. But Sassco were soon back into it. A palmed save from McCluskey saw Titch easily nod the ball into the back of the net.

Second half saw Times Inn score from a poor offside decision from our back line. Instructions were clear that we go goal side, but Scott Smith, making his first return from injury, seemed to be in his own little world. Ironically, late on, he defended deep and Sassco looked comfortable. At this time, Sassco conceded and it was 2-1. Just when we thought it was going to be 2-2, Times Inn took a 3-1 lead, but Titch nodded another header in from a Scott Smith free-kick almost from kick off.

Finally, with around ten minutes remaining, the indomitable Titch rifled in a tight angle shot to make it 3-3. Another glorious chance was missed, but the resulting corner saw Anth Pearson’s face slap the ball into the back of the net.

A haphazard (some might say ‘shite’) performance from Sassco, but we cobbled together a team and managed to gain a result against a stronger Times Inn side than we faced on Wednesday a couple of weeks ago.

The good news is that the injuries seem to be clearing up and our ‘stand by’ players seem to be slotting in without any problems.

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Stoker busts Macca’s lip.

Dave and Scott Smith, plus Campbell were missing from this expected win. It didn’t start too well. We weren’t under any real threat, but the early goal didn’t come. The wind at Thompson Park didn’t help much, but we did open the scoring when Langan’s powerful shot forced it’s way in. After this, the team relaxed and the eventual second goal came from Scott Hembrough.

A bit of a half-time rollocking from Mickey Pearson (probably didn’t get his leg over the night before) resulted in a much better second half. This time, Scott Hembrough scored again. Finally, Dave Gourlay scored from a free-kick in a comprehensive win.

An interested back line full of retards to end the game (due to substitutions), with McDermont, Stoker, Muers and Sangha holding back the hoards of Cove players.

Back in the changing rooms, Stoker and Macca had an argument which led to Stoker giving Mac a dig and resulting in a bust lip. It’s all good.

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“Yes Trigger” suffers flares and abuse. Enquiry underway.

Wear Consulting 3 Hendon Rovers 1.
Keith Mouat somehow grabbed two goals in Wear Consulting’s 3-0 win over Hendon Rovers. The other goal was an own goal. Gary Tyzack also decided to grace the pitch again after a long absence. He did publicly say that he was too good for the Sassco League.

WWC 1 Downhill Impact 0.
It was hatred for Lee, Yes Trigger, Melia from the sidelines as he crossed the divides to join Tommy Bell’s WWC. He grabbed the only goal of the game (so he claims) despite the massive amount of abuse from the Lay brothers. Downhill had a solid side out, including the arthritic Steve Lawson, but WWC with their Mitchell Brothers, Trevor Walker and Grant Foster took the three points. It was Teeb’s second appearance, but it was a poor showing. Teeby Tuesday seems to be a false dawn.

Redhouse Fusion 3 Town End Thunder 3.
The SMS message was prepared by me to be sent to Tommy Bell. It read “Town End have beaten Fusion 3-1.” A strong opening from Town End, who without Jonesy finally clicked and fired in three unstoppable first half goals. Fusion reduced the deficit at 3-1 from Yatesy before the half ended. Second half saw both teams closing in on a crucial goal, but Danni Lay won out and put Fusion in with a shout at 3-2. Right at the death, Kurt was left in space and slotted past the Town End ‘keeper to give them a memorable 3-3 draw. All this without glass ankles Wooton. Many local charvers turned away disappointed when they discovered Michael Jones wasn’t playing. They took their anger out on the local facilities and Pitch D. The fires lit up the sky and the glow could be seen for miles around.

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Four players from Sassco out of a squad of six took part on the behalf of Azure-design.com in the PowerLeague Five-a-side Cup in Gateshead. The players involved were Davinder Sangha (in goal replacing the much poorer Ed Cook) Chris Dixon, Dave Gourlay and Jimmy Raeper. The other two player were ex-Sunderland AFC’s Martin Smith and Sammy Bindoff. Martin Smith everyone knows about, but Sam could be described as a ultra skillful Tim Gillespie. Posh sort, etc.

It was two groups of four and I think we were in the strongest group. In the event, we won the first game 7-3, while we lost the second to a team featuring ex-Boro player, Dean Gordon. Also, Gourlay got sin-binned for four minutes and the loss was a 3-2 one. Finally, we hammered a team featuring a Times Inn player, 9-0, to make sure we were through to the Semi Finals.

The Semi Finals pitted us against a team which we truly hammered 6-1. Ironically, Dean Gordon’s lot got easily dismissed in the other Semi Final, so our Final opponents were put to the sword and we won 4-2 – being 3-0 up at one stage.

The comprehensive domination embarrassed the Azure Technical Director, Peter Daykin (who once donned a Sassco shirt back in 2006), as he fully expected a team containing me to be easily defeated. Got to be honest – I was like a cat between the sticks, despite slowly being cooked alive in the weather proof goalkeeper top, which is more suited to the sub-artic temperatures at Downhill.

The tournament was well organised, but the way some of the teams were kitted would have given me a heart attack if it happened on a Tuesday. Mind you, Dixon looked like a tramp and only the special powers of Photoshop make him look half decent in the photo above (a better quality pic will be added soon).

Paul McConville and Wayne Ramsay had their version of the Tuesday team in, but they failed to reach the Semi Finals.

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