Mark Muers, Rikki Lear, John Harper, Davinder Sangha, Nathan Malloy, Lewis Muir.

Muers wipes out a pre-teen.

Mark Muers, Rikki Lear, John Harper, Davinder Sangha, Nathan Malloy, Lewis Muir.

We all made the long voyage into the heart of Blyth, without any hiccups. The venue was actually an oasis of a basketball court in the midst of mounds of dog shit, boarded up windows and God knows how many feral kids (most probably spawned by Muers). It was time warp into another world. Even the graffiti was a bit out of date: “Ugandan Asians – out! out! out!”. The Sassco Lightning team was making it’s first appearance since August 2012, and the team was (as usual) changed being a regionally renowned touring team. This time it was John Harper (son of Tash), Lewis Muir and Nathan Malloy, along with myself (Davinder Sangha), Rikki Lear and Mark Muers. Simon Mulvaney was unable to make it when he discovered that his passport had expired and wouldn’t take him North of Gosforth.

As expected, the team came away with a heavy defeat in around thirty minutes of pretending to be “in the hood”. The basketball result was 40-5, with Malloy getting two points and Muers hitting a three pointed and then proceeding to do f**k all for the rest of the game. I wasn’t successful and getting Billy Harper to squeeze on an XXL top to knock some balls about in the last five minutes.

Harper’s adopted son; Muers, fared no better in the following football game, when the opponents (populated with several feral ringers) raced into a 3-0 lead. Sassco soon pulled it back and went ahead 5-3, before losing interest along with any form of lighting to lose around 8-5. I just used the opportunity to abuse Muers again as I hadn’t been able to do that since our Summer 2012 11-a-side friendly against Rutherford DFC. Ironically, his best shot wiped out one of the feral kids, which was probably the only significant talking point.

Apparently, everyone made it out and back into a civilised land.