Hembrough opens the account, but everyone else is out of it

Day 1   1

I was utterly convinced that out of the thousands of flights from Newcastle to all over, ours would be the only one that'd get cancelled. This would mean the dipstick, Ant Hill mob, driving down in the car (with Dave Smith being the only sensible one) would have to play 6-a-side against their Maltese opponents. In the event, everything was truly perfect. No delays and we were all in Gatwick with plenty of time to wait for the Malta flight.

Everyone driving down was well sloshed. Cressy was boozed up and Macca, Greenwell and Muers (who was catching up) had their fair share in Gatwick. So the flight itself had it's usual ups and downs. I managed to get us all in together in the same seats. Greenwell fell asleep and had his face painted, while Emu sleeping had his watched stolen. He woke up, slavered all over his shirt and then looked at his wrist to see what time it was. Greenwell also puked up in the toilets before take off. It didn't help that he admitted he was scared of flying, so it was the usual, "that wing looks a bit loose", "is that smoke coming out there?", "have you seen Airport 77, when they crash into the sea?" Gourlay and Cressy also got bollocked by the Air Hostess.

Day 1   2

"What are the rules?" asked someone. "No rules," was my reply. Once we took off from Gatwick, everyone was on their own. We landed and then it was a perfect transport to the hotel. Everything was running like clock work. Everyone was sharing rooms, but to my utter luck, Macca / Cressy were roomed next door to Greenwell / Muers. To top it off, instead of single beds, Macca and Cressy had one double bed. Cressy being the bitch of the relationship was in for a sore time (and a sore arse). He Kirkop Pennantalso discovered that an ex of his was spreading rumours that he was fiddling with boys in the Town End Farm Club toilets.



We met in the lobby and were soon transported to the Victor Tedesco Stadium for our first game, an evening game. Everyone was well out of it by now. In the changing rooms, Scotty revealed his thong. As I said, there were no rules in this tour and it also included relaxing my ban on long hair and homosexuals, which is the reason why Scotty Hembrough, turning increasingly camp throughout the tour, was available to play. The opponents, KirKop FC looked well and truly useful. All doing the usual warm up stuff while we could barely keep our eyes open.

Game kicked off and I announced there was no way I was going to play. Cressy, apparently "sober as a judge" was forced to play the full ninety. Marky Mark was our Man-of-the-match and rapidly realised that Sassco have been standing still for six years. He's probably shocked thinking about how he spent a year travelling up and down from Northumberland playing with a bunch of retards. We actually did okay in the first half. Eventually they wore us down and went 4-0 up. Scott Hembrough scored a late consolation, but it was all that we deserved.

The standard of the Maltese sides was spectacular. We look at amateur football in a different way. The top level sides in Malta are pro, but not well paid, so the attitude in all the other sides is exactly the same. The same level of fitness and dedication. These are all teams run along the lines of the likes of Shildon AFC. In Malta there are no teams put together by one person such as the retards playing for us and not training, etc. These are all well organised community units.

Back to the hotel, shave, shower, clean up and we spent the evening in a local restaurant, drinking heavily and stuffing our jaws in preparation for an early morning kick off against Mdina Knights.

The Voyage Home

Malta Tour 2008 - 10th November 2008

Malta2008.Day 4   1nsp 310

Shopping, drinking and it actually rained! The Monday was coming back day. Me, Macca, Cressy and Dave Smith spent it shopping around. The Maltese roads and pavements were shocking. Digga, in...Read More

Sassco.co.uk 2 Gudja FC 5.

Malta Tour 2008 - 9th November 2008

Malta2008.Day 3   1nsp 310

Best performance so far, but second half lack of fitness shows The third and final game took us to the evening on Sunday. As everyone had a late, late night, we...Read More

Sassco.co.uk 0 Mdina Knights …

Malta Tour 2008 - 8th November 2008

Malta2008.Day 2   1nsp 310

Searing heat combined with massive hangovers. The morning game was rough. I started due to Emu blowing out of his arse for the previous one. Cressy was well out of it...Read More

Sassco.co.uk 1 KirKop FC 4.

Malta Tour 2008 - 7th November 2008

Malta2008.Day 1   1nsp 310

Hembrough opens the account, but everyone else is out of it I was utterly convinced that out of the thousands of flights from Newcastle to all over, ours would be the...Read More

Victor Tedesco Stadium

Malta Tour 2008 - 16th May 2008

Victor Tedesconsp 310

A panoramic view of Sassco's venue for the tour. The Victor Tedesco Stadium (Capacity: 2,000) was inaugurated in 1996 and is the training ground for Hamrun Spartans. This football ground...Read More

Malta Tour Squad

Malta Tour 2008 - 16th May 2008

Malta2008. Smithnsp 310

Malta 2008 Sassco team information. Numbers are shown as squad numbers. 01 Dave Smith The highly regarded goalkeeper from Fatfield Biddick Inn. Made one appearance for the "B" team. 02 Mark...Read More

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