Indoor game in searing heat. Alldis fails to mark his four men.

The entire Futsal Lions and Sassco squad before the game.

Futsal Lions 7 Sassco.co.uk 2 | Full match footage is shown below. Please feel free to share this on Facebook and Twitter. We also encourage you to LIKE our Sassco.co.uk page on Facebook.

The morning after saw me and and Kev trawling along the street to find a breakfast cafe, where Kev nearly got attacked by a dog before admitting defeat to return to the hotel, not knowing if the buffet was going to be chargeable. We tucked in anyway and eventually all the rest wandered in where the only incident was trying to identify what was in a manky sausage which Gourlay and Alldis tried. Gourlay said he was suspicious as they were all in water and Alldis was certain he felt a pulse.

  • 18/08 09:44 | SMS to Tim: "Where the f**k are you? Everyone's p**sed - especially Dave."

Alldis' sausage. Please contact us if you know what kind of sausage it is.

It was tram and subway time this time. Dixon wanted the chauffeur treatment, but we said the Sassco team had moved with austerity times and downgraded to public transport since Spain 2010. Plus, the kit rule had gone out of the window with the heat and the polos were considered an unwise investment. However, I did tell Dave that they would be used in Sassco 11-a-side's eventual return from the wilderness (Just like the New York Cosmos).

A tram station was handy and close to the hotel. We got on and managed to get to city centre where, after enjoying a cold coke in the blazing heat, we went separate ways before meeting at 2:30 and tramming it to the venue. It was in the middle of nowhere and reminiscent of the scene in Trainspotting. However, a mini detour saw us discover the venue, which was like Crowtree Leisure Centre, with no vending machines, people or shops around it (so nothing like Crowtree). We met Sascha, the Lions manager, who pointed us to the nearest drinks outlet which was Subway.

Woodland walk towards the University venue.

We returned and after some little warm ups and once over with the rules, we kicked off and held our own, being 3-2 down in the half. Second half, we conceded more, but did blame Matthew Alldis as he wasn't marking the four players he should have been. Fancy Dan got our first at 3-1 down, while Gourlay poked one past the on rushing 'keeper to make it 3-2. We suffered more in the second half, where goals were conceded, but Kev Cooper cemented his player of the tour billing with several saves, meaning that hammering we got at Gateshead a few weeks back did him the world of good.

Sassco's line up against Futsal Lions. Tim Gillespie is not in the photo as we think he might have taken it.

I got whacked in the nuts, but convinced everyone it was my stomach, and Paul just generally got pissed of and wanted to go home. Tim still hadn't turned up, so we all had to double up

Half-time tactical discussions: Lob it to the big man in the box.

Dave also complained to the referee as he was penalised for not stepping behind the red line when taking dead balls and said it'd help if the referee told him. You might also want him to wipe your arse and launder that stupid head band you've been wearing for the last few years. Dave was beginning to get moody due to him cocking up his make-believe fantasy football thing and removing some random players and apparently getting beat by Ed Cook who "auto" selected his squad.

We were presented with Futsal Lions unlucky 13 shirt after the game, while we in return presented what Alldis claimed was a "picture on a stick" to them. I did say it was an austerity tour. I was going to try and present them with Dave's Nike jacket from Malta in 2008. Yes, I still remember, Dave.

It was the tram back, before the change over saw us tucking into some sausage in the main station, where we thought we saw Tim rustling up he bratwurst sausages in the canteen. Then it was back to the hotel, with the football business complete. We trammed it all the way and were convinced we saw Tim being bundled into the back of a car by four burley Russians.

  • 18/08 20:55 | SMS to Tim: "We're having a meal in Einschiffen. Meet at 10:15. I'll order for you."

It was food time and Dave got a handy tip to go to a nice bar and restaurant off a "mate" which turned out to be generally shite, where the waiters were ready to go home, snatching a fork ladened with steak before it even reached Alldis' mouth. A more welcoming pub later, we discovered Alldis' expertise, via video on his phone, of him throwing small objects into other objects from a distance. He reckoned he'd get on Britain's Got Talent, where his Pièce de résistancewould be sticking his dinger into Amanda Holden from a distance. "Come here, love and get this inside ya!"

By the end of the evening my chin infection flared up again with the stress, making me look like Desperate Dan with half a face. I just hoped Tim turned up with the antibiotics soon. Matty and Matthew, apparently, had a bust up regarding the concept of man marking. Alldis' method is to use zonal marking while everyone else did the man-to-man. Alldis, McConville and co. also haggled for a bottle of Jim Beam at a local shop. They got back and just as Alldis had "scientifically" measured the cokes, realised someone had lost the Jim Beam bottle. Most suspect that Tim had been shadowing and sabotaging the trip throughout.

The remaining days were spent with strolls around the city centre (which is all but closed on Sundays). We went to the odd museum and sat in a bar to watch some Premiership games. The Sunday night also saw us wander into a local Italian restaurant, where the waiter was a miserable twat, and they didn't do pizza or chips. So we all upped and left while Dave G was still reading the menu.

A trip round the corner saw a more welcoming Chinese, with masses of food, including Ed's oversized spring roll thing, Dixon discussing "Tromboning" and Dave getting pissed off with the tour kitty. An idea where we all gave Dave around €20 a day for him to pay the taxi and food fares.

  • 20/08 10:25 | SMS to Tim: "Dear Tim, I'm ordering number 117, what shall I get you? Paul's getting chips."

Next morning, me, Alldis and Kev went to the city centre for shopping, where Alldis made a sharp exit as he was allergic to shopping. The others were also there, but in the old town. We travelled back to the hotel and all met up to blag our way past some free breakfast payments and prepare our suitcases and hand luggage. I asked Alldis to "mule" my Kappa bag. He was worried I had put something in it, but I explained the smell was my sweaty duds from the last two days. Matty Downs also said "You can't take cheeses or water on the plane." To which Alldis replied that he better get back to the showers and clean up his bell end. A taxi trip to the airport was surprisingly uneventful.

The airport saw Dixon, McConville and Gourlay beginning to hate each other. Dave gave in and logged on the Internet for his fantasy team. McConville was dead, while Alldis was wandering around the shops revealing that he does like his shopping. Dave also threw a wobbler when he purchased a "wiener" and a bun drenched in water.

Tim's unblemished shirt, ready for the next tour and Dave G intently screwing up his fantasy team.

McConville crashes after his big performances in two games. Dixon and Alldis need to improve.

So, a great tour, which like all tours is different and perfect in its own right. Germany is a pure utopia of a place. The people are nice, the cities look superb and no charvers or benefit scum in sight. The opponents were fabulous as well. All really helpful and of a good standard where we didn't get a hammering as I feared. They also talked of coming over to England, where we could use mind games and take them to downhill for games where they could avoid the litter congregating in the area, golf balls being thrown at them, charvers on the roof tops eyeing up their gear, a carved up pitch and the only 1980's astros still around with bobbles, plus a squad boasting big names such as David Murton, Sassco's only full time signing (as he is banned from playing with anyone else) and the ubiquitous Tim Gillespie.

To top it off, I'd get Ken Street to referee.

Sassco.co.uk are in preparation for the France Tour 2013, which is likely to take place in early September, due to flight costs. More details will be updated on the site. Anyone interested, please contact us via the Facebook Fan Page.

Germany Tour 2012 - Day 2

Germany Tour 2012 - 21st August 2012

Germany2012.day2 4nsp 313

Indoor game in searing heat. Alldis fails to mark his four men. Futsal Lions 7 Sassco.co.uk 2 | Full match footage is shown below. Please feel free to share this on...Read More

Germany Tour 2012 - Day 1

Germany Tour 2012 - 19th August 2012

Germany2012.02nsp 313

Geordie Shore cast member to replace Tiger Tim. FC Vollkontakt 20 Sassco.co.uk 14 | Full match footage shown below. Please feel free to share this on Facebook and Twitter. We also...Read More

Germany Tour update.

Germany Tour 2012 - 19th August 2012

FC Vollkontakt 19 Sassco.co.uk 15.Futsal Lions 7 Sassco.co.uk 2.Two defeats for Sassco in the tour, but both performances were more than adequate. The team even led at one stage against...Read More

Germany Tour itinerary.

Germany Tour 2012 - 7th August 2012

Friday 17th August 11:35 - Flight fron Newcastle to Düsseldorf.13:55 - Landing in Düsseldorf.14:30 - Travel to Hotel Lindner Congress.16:30 - Travel to Cageball Center.18:00 - FC Vollkontakt v Sassco.co.uk.  Saturday 18th August 15:30...Read More

Pennants at the ready!

Germany Tour 2012 - 28th July 2012

Downloaded.pennantsnsp 313

For Vollkontakt and the Lions.Back in 2008, in Malta, team captain, Dave Gourlay, looked like a plum when our opponents provided us with pennants and mementos before our games. This...Read More

Sassco.co.uk 20 Sassco V 20.

Germany Tour 2012 - 10th July 2012

Training Gamensp 313

I think that was the score. The second training game ended in a stalemate, but nearly started off with a disaster. Dixon, finally showing his face, locked his keys in the...Read More

FC Vollkontakt @ Cageball Düs…

Germany Tour 2012 - 5th July 2012

Entering the "cage" in Düsseldorf against FC Vollkontakt. Our opening game on 17th August 2012 in Germany, is against Tobias Mundt's FC Vollkontakt team, who play in the Cageball Centre in Düsseldorf. Thanks to...Read More

Futsal Lions Düsseldorf.

Germany Tour 2012 - 29th June 2012

174858 158620724150390 3012239 Nnsp 313

It's not long now before we undertake the tour to Germany. Our second opponents are going to be a the real deal and it's definitely going to be a tough encounter...Read More

Germany Tour map

Germany Tour 2012 - 14th June 2012

The map below shows the hotel, airport, as well as the two venues at Cageball and Dusseldorf University. View Sassco.co.uk Germany Tour 2012 in a larger map

Uniform for the Germany Tour …

Germany Tour 2012 - 7th June 2012

Downloaded.germanygearnsp 313

Polo and zip top to accompany the Kappa shirt. We will be providing polo shirts and zip tops alongside the Kappa shirt for the tour. The polos and zip tops have...Read More

Sassco.co.uk 15 Sassco Lightn…

Germany Tour 2012 - 21st May 2012

Stories.practicensp 313

A good opening practice game for Dusseldorf saw eleven players turn up with six of them going on the tour. The team comprised of Kevin Cooper, Matthew Alldis, Matty Downs, Ed...Read More

Official Futsal Rules.

Germany Tour 2012 - 19th May 2012

The Playing Court 1. Dimensions: 25-42 m long x 15-25 m wide 2. Marking: 8 cm wide touchlines at the sides, goal lines at the ends, and a halfway-line across; 3...Read More

Düsseldorf practice match.

Germany Tour 2012 - 14th May 2012

6:00pm, 21st May at Birtley Leisure Centre. The first "test match" has been scheduled for Sassco's overseas tour. The game is indoors and played at Birtley Leisure Centre. We are looking for...Read More

Germany Tour 2012 fixtures.

Germany Tour 2012 - 23rd March 2012

Cageball V Sassconsp 313

17th August 2012 (6:00pm) Cageball Düsseldorf v Sassco.co.uk Venue: Football-Center Düsseldorf, Ulenbergstr. 5, 40223 Düsseldorf. 3G turf 5-a-side         18th August 2012 (5:30pm) Futsal Lions Düsseldorf v Sassco.co.uk Venue: Heinrich-Heine-University, Universitätsstrasse. 1, 40225 Düsseldorf Indoor gym...Read More

Kappa shirt for the Germany T…

Germany Tour 2012 - 3rd March 2012

Kappa2012 Webnsp 313

We're going Kappa for the Germany Tour in August of 2012. After many years with Adidas shirts, despite a brief foray into Kappa in 2008 (for our second shirts), we've obtained...Read More

Nine players set for Düsseldo…

Germany Tour 2012 - 23rd February 2012

Three debutantes alongside four regulars and two returnees. The tour is now fully booked and paid for. The flight takes off just before lunchtime on Friday, the 17th August 2012, from...Read More

Futsal Lions Düsseldorf v Sas…

Germany Tour 2012 - 7th February 2012

174858 158620724150390 3012239 Nnsp 313

First game arranged for Germany! Thanks to Sascha Mizra, Chairman of Futsal Lions Düsseldorf eV, we've managed to arrange our first game in Germany. The fixture is due to be played on...Read More

Hotel for Düsseldorf.

Germany Tour 2012 - 5th February 2012

8483 15 Bnsp 313

Düsseldorf hotel with an indoor pool. This business-friendly hotel is located in Dusseldorf, close to Esprit Arena, Museum Kunst Palast, and Dusseldorf Art Academy. Local attractions also include City Hall and...Read More

Dusseldorf in Germany.

Germany Tour 2012 - 5th January 2012

Germany Tour Logonsp 313

The next tour has been confirmed as Germany and Dusseldorf to be precise. The flights details and costs are as follows: Fri 17 Aug 11:35 - 13:55 Newcastle to Dusseldorf LH3455 Mon...Read More

Football News

Netherlands 2-3 Germany: Schu…

Nico Schulz scores a last-minute winner as Germany gain revenge over the Netherlands with a Euro 2020 qualifying victory in Amsterdam.

24-03-2019

Northern Ireland 2-1 Belarus:…

An 87th-minute Josh Magennis goal gives Northern Ireland victory over Belarus and sees them top Group C with two wins from two.

24-03-2019

Tottenham Hotspur Stadium: BB…

BBC Sport takes a look inside Tottenham Hotspur's brand new stadium, which hosted its first game on Sunday as their Under-18s beat Southampton U18s 3-1.

24-03-2019

Tottenham: A glimpse inside S…

Tottenham opened their long-awaited new stadium with a test event on Sunday; BBC Sport's Simon Stone went along and found a club ready for a fresh start.

24-03-2019

Montenegro v England: Gareth …

Gareth Southgate says England's young players need to prepare for a "hostile environment" when they play in Montenegro on Monday.

24-03-2019

Steven Gerrard: Liverpool ico…

Liverpool icon and Rangers manager Steven Gerrard scores at Anfield for the first time in five years, in a charity game against AC Milan Legends.

24-03-2019

Dan James: Wales winger impre…

Wales manager Ryan Giggs says he is delighted Dan James scored the winning goal in their Euro 2020 qualifier against Slovakia.

24-03-2019

San Marino 0-2 Scotland: Alex…

Scotland boss Alex McLeish is booed as his side labour to a Euro 2020 qualifying win over minnows San Marino.

24-03-2019

Ashley Williams: Defender sti…

Wales manager Ryan Giggs says Ashley Williams will keep the captaincy despite dropping him for the Euro 2020 qualifying win over Slovakia.

24-03-2019