CyprusIt's Cyprus in 2019. The team aren't getting any younger, so it as to be scheduled as one of the last tours, until Sangha scored in Tel-Aviv (on the pitch) and then "Where next?".

Cyprus is the birthplace of Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love, and was actually the first choice venue back in 2007, before we went over to Malta. The squad of five players is heading direct from Newcastle to Paphos, via Jet 2 on the 27th March and returning, if allowed back in due to Brexit on the 31st March.

Three game events have been scheduled v Alana FC, St. Georges FC and then a tournament arranged by the A.M. Fair Game Sports Center. The players taking part are Davinder Sangha, Tim Gillespie, David Gourlay, Chris Dixon and new old boy, Lee "Bulgy" Calvert.

The initial line up against Alana FC.

Three games, with four players in a five a side tour

Our 12th tour kicked off, and seemed to be steeped in a little chaos. From 6 players, we were left with 4. Baxter couldn't make it, but Tiger Tim started waffling about some bullshit about work 24 hours before our first kick off so I knew the cunt wouldn't show.

Opening game was a bit disorganised. I completely forgot the shorts and socks for the extra players we had assigned to us: Mario and Andreas Konstantinou. Needless to say, we got shafted. The final result was 17-8 against a team of predominantly ex-pats, put together by Periklis Perikleous from the excellent Alana Sports Center. He also provided us with our missing players, but us "foreigners" didn't really play too well. Dixon was Dixon, Gourlay was Gourlay and Bulgy asked too many questions.

Only positive aspect of the game was that beforehand, we told Digga "Stay on your feet, stay on your feet, stay on....too late."

The line up before the game. Dixon was prepared to block all the shots.

Leading twice, but then Dixon.... 

The second game was our last game as a group of 4 (in a 5-a-side tour - as Tim still hadn't turned up). We needed some youthful inspiration and got it from our goalkeeper, Maxim Kindyakov, who lowered the average age of the team by around 100%.

The lack of inspiration came from Dixon, who was still suffering from sun burn. Therefore his normally jovial mood wasn't the best, and the dad-jokes weren't as smooth. We'd also been winding Bulgy all week, saying our opponents, St. Georges FC, had been in the early stages of the European competitions and some players had some Champions' League experience. We didn't tell him until after that game that it was just watching experience. Bulgy played a blinder and we naturally deflated him by revealing the truth afterwards.

The game was very tight, even though large parts were spent in our half. Even the St. Georges lads weren't used to Sangha's Solid Defence - by packing our own half and getting them on the break.

We scored first, and they equalised. They went ahead, but then we equalised. The big problem in the game was Dixon being Dixon. He took a huff after being bollocked for trying to take on two players (which led to their goal), so he started on Gourlay - I then started on Dixon calling him a useless red cunt, then I went at Gourlay, calling him a cabbage for wearing his tracksuit bottoms. I'm sure I said something to upset Bulgy, but can't remember, or he was busy concentrating on taking on professional opponents.

The heavens truly opened and the thunder lit up the sky. We were on a hill around 270 metres above sea level and needed oxygen - well Dixon did to stop his sub burn induced shivers. The pitch was soon waterlogged, with the ball sticking in the deeper parts. We took a two goal lead in the second, but just couldn't kill the game. The rain was amazing, and to be honest, quite exhilarating. All you heard on the camera was the constant tapping of the heavy rain, until a lone voice is heard: "Dixon, get out of fucking goal!"

Too late by then.

Both squads before the game.

And then there were three.

Chris Dixon, who last watched SAFC when they were in the Champions League, sipping champagne in the corporate boxes, decided that it was really important that Sunderland needed his support for this one game.

So he had to leave the Sassco team in the lurch and head to Wembley. Dixon, although, had overstayed his welcome, after trying to take on two St. Georges players with the ball, in the deluge a night before. Dixon lost the ball and realising he was crap, started to slag off Dave G. Then I started on Dixon, and we all had a lot of fun. The comprehensive sunburn didn't help. He was burnt so badly that we only needed to paint on some white stripes on his chest minge to simulate the red and white Awdis shirt.

Better than that prick, Tim, who didn't even show. Dave actually asked me, when Tim was first hinting at not being on time (a day before we were due to fly out), how much of a percentage did I think Tim wouldn't show up and I said 100%, which is ironically the amount of a percentage of a spineless, sackless cunt I think he also is.

So, for our third and final game, which was against a representative team organised by Andreas Menelaou, at the excellent A.M. Fair Game Sports Centre (or Center), we were the walking wounded - well I was. Andreas kindly put on a barbecue afterwards, to inevitably drown our sorrows and stuff our faces

For the game itself, we actually spent large swathes of this game ahead. Bulgy, now liberated and realising he wasn't playing professionals, fired in a number of goals and shockingly discovered his right foot wasn't just for stepping in dog shite.

Gabriel Theodorou, our guest outfield player, also fired in a number of goals and Gourlay also hit the score sheet, even while wearing his stupid hat (has to be different). Savvas Pitsillos was our goalkeeper and he did a great job in and out of goal, and both our "guests" were probably wishing Brexit had happened a bit earlier and we hadn't been allowed to step into Cyprus.

Eventually, we failed to keep the lead and suffered our third defeat in four days, with three players in a five a side tour.

 

Alana FC 17 Sassco.co.uk 8.

Cyprus Tour 2019 - 5th April 2019

The initial line up against Alana FC.

Three games, with four players in a five a side tour Our 12th tour kicked off, and seemed to be steeped in a little chaos. From 6 players, we were left...Read More

St. Georges FC 9 Sassco.co.uk…

Cyprus Tour 2019 - 4th April 2019

The line up before the game. Dixon was prepared to block all the shots.

Leading twice, but then Dixon....  The second game was our last game as a group of 4 (in a 5-a-side tour - as Tim still hadn't turned up). We needed some...Read More

A.M. Fair Game FC 14 Sassco.c…

Cyprus Tour 2019 - 2nd April 2019

Both squads before the game.

And then there were three. Chris Dixon, who last watched SAFC when they were in the Champions League, sipping champagne in the corporate boxes, decided that it was really important that...Read More

Brief modern history of Cypru…

Cyprus Tour 2019 - 25th March 2019

Either our villa or a photo of Paphos bombed by the Turks in 1974 (Photo by S.Charitou)

Yes, it's Sassco on Tour again. This time, to Cyprus, which was our first choice destination back in 2007, when we only managed to get 10 people paying, before abandoning...Read More

Sassco.co.uk v Alana FC

Cyprus Tour 2019 - 20th March 2019

Alana Gamensp 342

Opening game of Futsal. Thanks to Periklis Perikleous from the Alana Sports Center, we have arranged a game on the day we land. It's an outdoor futsall encounter, similar to the one we had...Read More

Sassco.co.uk v St. Georges FC

Cyprus Tour 2019 - 8th March 2019

41061119 2093075740743987 6899749748526284800 Onsp 342

Friday night game at A.M. Fair Game. Thanks to Nick Cairns from St. Georges FC. We have the Friday night game confirmed at the A.M. Fair Game Sports Center v St...Read More

Tournament at A.M. Fair Game.

Cyprus Tour 2019 - 8th March 2019

Paphos Tournament 2019nsp 342

Saturday tournament at A.M. Fair Game. Thanks to Andreas Menelaou from A.M. Fair Game for arranging a mini tournament on Saturday afternoon. We'll be playing St. Georges (again), Anal√≥sima FC and Legend FC. Two of...Read More

Venue confirmed in Paphos.

Cyprus Tour 2019 - 1st March 2019

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Fair Game Sports Center We're caged in Paphos, with the venue: Fair Game, agreeing to arrange some games for us (opponents TBC). I've requested the fences to be increased in height...Read More

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