Harrison holds the trophy aloft, while Murton watches on.

Murton sells his team name, but remains triumphant, despite conceding a penalty.

As Fusion were out, the way was clear for Shakthar Sunderland to clean sweep the August Tournament, which was originally scheduled in April -until everyone started to sneeze and supermarket security staff managed to get some authority in shouting at people to stand apart or telling ugly people to wear a mask.

However, a spanner in the works. Billy Harrison contacted the organisers with the comments: “It’s Carpet Centres Elite – none of this Shakthar shite.” So, Murton was quietly shuffled aside complaining about “going for the money”. Billy Harrison’s wasn’t as authoritarian as Murton, as two of his players were wearing odd shorts and socks. A standard 25p fine was administered, as well as abuse on Twitter.

Sporting Redhouse and Sassco were standard entrants.

Then Washington Deaf team, who were the fourth entrant decided they couldn’t get a team together on the day of the tournament. In stepped Grangetown FC, who like Denmark in 92, came close to a clean sweep. Their opener against Carpets saw them taking a 2-1 lead before succumbing to the pace and power (and moaning) of Carpets in a 5-2 defeat.

We marked out the goal lines with dominos which led to the first flash point. Murton, having played in the previous leagues from when his balls dropped to when he started paying council tax, forgot the no entry box rule and conceded a penalty.

Opening game saw Sassco come from behind to defeat Sporting, their regular nemesis’ since the year 1999. Sassco have now won the last two tournament encounters. This time, John Hunt made a 98% improvement over his last tournament by remaining uninjured and playing out all three games.

Grangetown FC efficiently beat both Sassco and Sporting in reasonably even games. Grangetown were far more clinical and were competent at the back, despite an odd scare.

Carpets however, walloped Sporting and defeated Sassco by two goals at either end of their game to take a clean sweep

Next tournament is scheduled for 6th October.

Grangetown FC v Sassco.co.uk
Grangetown FC v Sassco.co.uk
Sporting shown after their game, which is quite similar to how they were before it.
Sporting shown after their game, which is quite similar to how they were before it.
Rank Teams Played Won Lost Drawn Goal difference Points For Against
1 Carpet Centres EliteCarpet Centres Elite 3 3 0 0 11 9 13 2
2 Grangetown FCGrangetown FC 3 2 1 0 1 6 7 6
3 Sassco.co.ukSassco.co.uk 3 1 2 0 -3 3 3 6
4 Sporting RedhouseSporting Redhouse 3 0 3 0 -9 0 3 12