Sassco.co.uk 9 Sunderland DFC 1.

Sassco 11-a-side back in action for 2013.

Sassco 11-a-side back in action for 2013.

Sassco storm back in action, but McDermont still rubbish.

It always surprising to me that a team which hasn’t kicked a ball in anger since 2010, can still manage to be ready ten minutes before kick off, wearing white shorts and socks, with all subs paid.

I had high hopes, especially when I monitored the social channels and noticed McDermont was hyping himself up in recent games. However, when I met him and debutante, Ray Stoker, on the pitch, I asked Macca and he said, “No, I’m still shite.” He didn’t let me down.

They all started floating in. Craig Charlton was first, and as I was dragging a moldy medium sized top out of the Adidas back, he said I better make it extra large. Swinhoe and Simpson came in, followed by phone-less, Dave Gourlay. Simpson even asked me if I had any goalkeeper gloves, as he’s been out of it so long. Keith Mouat, constantly complained about everything. John Harper turned up with his sidekick, Liam Fairs trotting alongside. Then it was McConville and Ramsay, who had to track down some boots. Dixon showed up last and that was it.

Macca and Harper wait for a corner, while Dixon keels over in the background.
Macca and Harper wait for a corner, while Dixon keels over in the background.

So, it was obvious that half of the team hadn’t kicked an 11-a-side ball in a number of years. So, my team talk was the usual run of the mill ones you can download from the internet. It was even interrupted by the usual predictions of what I was going to say. Basic stuff really. Don’t pass to Macca. Dixon, don’t take shots. The opponents, DFC, were a pale shadow of the Rutherford and Newcastle teams of the past, with only one or two recognisable players and lots of youngsters.

We kicked off, and within moments, we realised this game was there for the taking. Gourlay put Swinhoe in for the opener, a looping shot over the ‘keeper. Dixon had rattled the post beforehand. Actually, Dixon keeled over several times in the game for no reason at all. Then it was Ray Stoker to make it 2-0. Thereafter, the half belonged to Craig Charlton, as he bagged three goals before the end of the half.

Andy Swinhoe puts Sassco back on track in 2013, while Dave Gourlay gets a 20p fine for too much green in his socks.
Andy Swinhoe puts Sassco back on track in 2013, while Dave Gourlay gets a 20p fine for too much green in his socks.

Second half saw Harper bag a hat-trick, with McConville grabbing one in between. Social media was buzzing with certain people asking me how Billy Harper scored three, to which I responded that the only time Billy scored three is when I make a typo. It was young Harper who took the glory today.

Great game. Keith was still moaning to the end. Simma didn’t manage to grab any shot and fumbled most of them, and Ray Stoker probably thought “How the f**k did this team stay together for ten years?”