David Smith chooses the wrong option. He should have gone the other way.

Callum defies the laws of gravity and physics.

It was all laughs and giggles before the game. Callum showed up around two shirt sizes bigger and managed to squeeze in the only remaining medium Adidas shirt. The match plan was to have Call as a flying winger, but my tactics were based on the Medium Callum from 2010, not the Extra Large (or is it 2XL?) from 2013.

Then it was deathly silence as Keith Mouat decided to push a young un in the penalty area. Dave Smith’s first action was to pick the ball out of the net. It was panic at the back. Anth Pearson matched Callum and showed his extra shirt size by being tortured around six times before requesting himself to come off. Charlie, our leading scorer, was on the sidelines as a late addition, so I decided to switch an angry Dixon from attack into defence, while Charlie’s first action was to force the opponent ‘keeper to pick the ball out of the net. McConville also came off and was replaced by myself, before shoving Campbell in the middle.

It was all action from then on. Stoker was causing havoc, along with Charlton, while Mark Middlemiss was bombing around in the middle of the park; winning the ball and then distributing it to a red shirt. I’ve missed Marky (don’t think he’s missed us). Stoker scored two before everyone had to rewrite the laws of gravity when an oversized Callum leapt like a graceful salmon, to nod one in. 4-1 in at half time. Ramsay also had chances, while Keith Mouat decided to boot a young-un up the arse for fannying about at the corner flag. It nearly flared up with Callum as well, when he went steaming in and nearly destroyed another player. It was pure momentum as he genuinely couldn’t stop the extra weight.
Simpson, after being blitzed for the first few minutes, settled we’ll and managed to put a few choice challenges in, before begging to come off (there was a queue, Simma. You have to stay on).

Second half saw Sassco settle, show a bit of overconfidence and take a 5-2 lead before being pegged back to 5-4. However, we were always one step ahead. Eventually it was 8-5. Charlie and Stoker got two each. We tended to score every time they were back on top.

The second half was quite eventful. The referee stormed off when his son was subbed (mate, he wasn’t playing too well). Plus he also suffered the ignominy of being abused by Keith Mouat, who then realised he wasn’t deaf. Ray Stoker actually got ‘sent off’ by the replacement referee, before the opponents stepped in and saved him. I was considering subbing him when he missed a sitter that even Macca would have put away.

Good encounter. The pitch was still the same overgrown field, with added lines, but that didn’t stop a decent game. We couldn’t keep the ball and were lucky that the opponents, who were much improved and changed, didn’t take advantage.

The squad lined up before the game.