Sassco.co.uk 3 Roseberry Park 1.

Wardle heads home against the bairns.

Wardle heads home against the bairns.

Wardle must score…and does.

After last weeks debacle in attack, when Wardle, clean through on goal, in the final moments, where I’d bet my rented house on him, stumbled into a mess in the penalty box – it was decided to add some youth and pace to the team, therefore Jeff Clark was recalled after 13 years, 2 months, 16 days.

Sangha complaining. Probably about the N*** bib.
Sangha complaining. Probably about the N*** bib.

Offensively, we were strong, and I’m not just referring to Fatty’s looks and Jeff looking a bit like a worn out Captain Birdseye, but we had a bit of pace and surely he’d would score this time? The wish was granted reasonably quick and 12 years almost to the day, Wardle scored the opener, his last coming 12 years back on the 14th July away to Northern League Shildon AFC. He was panicking prior to the game starting, as the opponents were just of out school, a place Wardle never really went. He then demanded the referee allow Sassco to have a 2 goal start, which means that mathematics isn’t actually his strong point neither.

The young-uns were fast, but with me marshalling around 5 metres behind everyone else meant there wasn’t a single off side squeal in the game. We defended deep and picked up any straggling long ball and did a Jimmy Saville when any of their players reached the danger areas. Davey Pie Face didn’t really make any saves, which is a good thing as he’s carrying a bit more timber now.

But, as always, odd mistakes kept on popping up and one in the second half saw Roseberry Park equalising, with the Whelam brothers doing a “to me, to you” effort. Even Pie Face Davey Smith flapped at it, only regaining his place in goal because he helped to obtain the entry sponsorship money (money talks – but that doesn’t explain Macca getting recalled every time). It was only a few days later after a Facebook Messenger discussion, that Glenn took the blame, and then everyone patted each other on the backs and called themselves “fat c**ts”.

Luckily it didn’t end there. A matter of minutes later, David Mordecai, now outfield, stole a loose crossfield ball to fire in a left foot drive. It was 2-1 and then not too long after, Fatty Wardle crossed for Kyle Burns, who finished spectacularly.

We saw the game out and had the luxury of two substitutes, including David Gourlay, fresh from Wimbledon, as he was busy supping Pimms and some vegan strawberries and cream shite. He sometimes turns up for 5-a-side dressed as a tennis player anyway. Matty Williams also made an appearance in attack and added some much needed mobility, while the missing trio were Tidy John, Nelly and Mac, but the latter two only play together in order to blame each other.

This victory was achieved in unexpected attire. We were forced to wear Nike bibs over our wonderful Awdis retro shirts and also asked to wear shin pads, which, to be fair, is a pre-requisite and also helps when James Adams decides to crunch his own team.

Wardle is missing for a few games now, but hopefully back sooner rather than later, as was getting bullied by the opponents later in the game. But we assured him that it’s a form of respect, as they always pick on the fat kid.

* both photos taken by Donna Weiss, from Roseberry Park FC: