Sassco.co.uk 11 Workwear Express 2

That’s 25 goals scored in two games

Shockingly, after the last game’s dirty drop outs, all 12 turned up for this one, and it was in distant Durham. Stubba and Muers got lost, but were too scared to ask any of the locals. Dixon was late as always. Unfortunately, McDermont found the place okay.

The squad formed slowly over the preceding weeks to a total of 12 confirmed by Saturday. The team talk, as always, was done via Facebook Messenger, with players choosing their own positions.

We made sure we had 12 because Macca announced that he had to leave 15 minutes early, so cue the comments:

  • You usually leave 15 minutes early when you’re playing.
  • Can you not leave 85 minutes early.
  • If he scores a goal, he won’t leave.
  • Macca, do you run with your hands in your pockets?

Muers was up top, probably for the first time since the mid-2000’s with his new lease of life. Also, David Duke was making a return appearance and was happy to partner him and learn off him.

Midfield was debutant Keith O’Sullivan, McDermont, Gourlay and Dave Bilton, returning to play against the company which sacked him. Stubba also paid his £2 subs he owed from 2010 and was eligible to play.

Back line was a true powerhouse, with Sangha (me), Whelam (after recovering from his headache in the last game), Dixon (having a headache before this game) and Tommy Wilkinson who had a superb performance, his best in a Sassco shirt. Had he played like this 15 years ago, Sassco would have won the UEFA Cup. As always, Dixon was usually a few metres in front of everyone and me a few metres behind the goalkeeper, Davey Smith. Just in case.

Actually, the back line, apart from Dixon, had the three remaining players from the 15-6 win over the Sunderland Deaf team in July: Sangha, Whelam and Wilkinson.

Interesting to say that nearly half of the team who played in Sassco’s first game back in 2001: Me, Gourlay, Dixon, Stubba and Muers, were there 17 years later for this one. To celebrate, Dixon now has special dispensation to wear his grey shorts instead of white. Grey because his lass put them in a mixed wash. Try a bit of white vinegar in the wash to brighten them up, Dixon. 

Initially, the game was scrappy – then a simple ball, which I could have cleared, but using only one contact lens, meant WWEX were 1-0 up. I was busy shouting at McDermont, half way up the field, to get back.

Soon after though, Dukey, obviously fearing his best days were behind him, upped a gear and grabbed two quick goals. Another effort was slotted in by Muers. At the end of the half, we were 4-1 up, with Duke requesting the match ball – that’s if Tommy Wilko and Dixon hadn’t blared it over the bar.

Immediately in the second, the one thing we feared happened: Macca scored, but it was clearly offside. This meant the 15 minute rule was dead and Macca stayed well past his picking up the kids time.

He also hit the crossbar, but I was more worried about the camera being out of position. In the first half, his goalbound shot was blocked, so from a potential hat-trick, he just got one offside goal.

Goals came a plenty in the second. Duke scored more. Keith tried to bite the ball into the back of the net, while Dave G fired one in. Stubba scored two and did try and back heel Muers’ long effort in, but it megged him, so Muers got his second. Stubba also clipped Keith’s effort in, so a parasite in front of goal he remains.

The WWEX team was predominantly an official works team, put together by Carl Jackson and Mark Turnbull, who played for Sassco in their first SOL game, as well as a friendly a few years back. He was doing his best Mourinho impression on the sidelines, with a lot of arm waving, detailed tactics and a 7-5-8 formation, before, at the end, bellowing “launch the fucker!”.

Good outing and to top it off, Macca’s phone battery was dead, so he was going to be lost heading out of Durham. He’s still not back yet.