Pie face

So, our usual pre-match meal would be a fry up, or even being late for a game at Silksworth, due to Fatty wanting a McDonald’s.

But as we’re spending around £120 for a chance to play at the Stadium of Light, then it’s only fair we keep off the pies. Here’s a useful little guide on what to eat to combine with the extensive fitness, which no one will pay any attention to.


The Internet says this is the most important meal of the day, so it must be true. Instead of fry ups, you probably need a combination of the following:

  • Porridge with linseeds
  • Bananas or berries
  • Poach or scrambled eggs on toast
  • Oats
  • Omelettes

Avoid any sugary cereals, croissants (yes I eat them) and any sweets.

Good Carbs

The science behind carbs is that they are ranked using the ­glycaemic index (GI). Food with higher GI scores break down quickly, providing an energy burst, which only lasts a short period of time. Lower GI scores break down slowly, providing lasting energy and keeping you more fuller for longer, so the lower the better.

  • Avoid white bread and swap it for a plain bagel or something like quinoa (ask someone in ASDA what aisle it will be in).
  • Avoid regular jacket potatoes and swap them for sweet potatoes. The sweet ones tend to release energy slowly.


Once you’ve done your bit exercise, it’s time to refuel. The human body (and even Muers’) is most ready for carbs and protein within the first 45 minutes after you’ve done your exercise or played again. Some call this the “refuel window”.

Post-exercise snacks should include

  • Coconut water
  • Chocolate milk
  • Seeds, nuts
  • Bananas

Avoid chocolate bars, orange juice and drinks with too much sugar in them. Sugar gives you an instant boost, but that’s it.

Other foods

In general, you know to avoid heavy alcohol consumption and the usual kebabs. Every now and then is acceptable, but no wandering down the Chen’s every night. Try and include the following to follow a healthy regime:

  • Beans (butter beans, kidney beans)
  • Salmon
  • Chicken (grilled and not fried)
  • Drink plenty of cold water: it burns calories

Never add anything unnecessary to your meals. Dollops of tomato sauce and mayonnaise (or lard when it comes to Muers) isn’t going to help. Avoid excessive bread and go for the wholemeal option instead.

Quit smoking! It clogs up arteries and any fitness isn’t helped, especially late on.

Don’t go ultra strict. Have a cheat food now and then, but make sure your calorie amount is around 2,000 in order to lose that weight (or 20 calories a day if you are Muers).