25th October 2003 | Mav, Wardle and Muers get sent off early to keep me company on the sidelines.
Trawling through our many archives sometimes brings up amazing victories, cracking photos, but usually ignominious defeats. This particular one was a cracker. It was a morning game, played on a cold Saturday, back in October 2003 and the highlights were Muers, Maven and Wardle being sent off within one or two minutes of each other. Other highlights included Greenwell telling all three to “f**k off” on regular intervals.
Don’t miss those early starts on a Saturday, but here is our report from that fateful day.
| 8:00am | Alarm woke me up and it took me 5 minutes to realise what for? Sassco 11-a-side day of course. |
| 8:05am | Watched BBC News. |
| 8:30am | Breakfast. Tea and two slices of plain toast, no butter, etc. |
| 8:45am | Got bits ready. Tried to contact Wayne who wasn’t answering. |
| 9:00am | Fired up the now newly sprayed white Mid Life Crisis Fanny Magnet aka Le Clit Magnet. Filled it with petrol and proceeded to travel to Boothy’s birds house to pick him up. |
| 9:20am | Dangerous route through Ford Estate and Pennywell to pick up Wardle and Stubba. If I was around half an hour later, the Magnet would have be stripped bare (wheels and all), and no doubt Boothy would have been gang raped. |
| 10:00am | Arrived on the pitch. Bloody freezing, began to get a headache and the usual “why do I really bother” thoughts (also echoed by the rest of the team. Mav, Staples and Watty arrive. Mav wishes the game was called off. |
| 10:10am | Dixon and Galey arrive. Dixon’s the only one who really doesn’t feel the cold. |
| 10:30am | Muers Greenwell and Baker are late as always. Sandhills turn up with a vast squad. We’re still down to 8 men. Referee looks dodgy. One of those type of guys who probably couldn’t get in the Police or Fire service and now is a referee ready to lay down the law. |
| 10:35am | We don’t need to put our head to the floor to hear the Greenwell mobile turn up. |
| 10:40am | Kick off at last |
| 10:43am | Goal down in the first minute |
| 10:55am | Mav tells ref to fuck off and gets sent off |
| 10:56am | Wardle sticks his oar in and says something similar and gets sent off |
| 10:57am | Muers gets sent off because he’s thick as pig shit. Shame he got sent off early. The referee didn’t give me enough time to sub him. |
| 10:58am | Spent the first half defending in some style. |
| 11:10am | Soon conceded another one. |
| 11:15am | Wayne bollocks Wardle for getting sent off |
| 11:17am | Concede more goals |
| 11:18am | Wayne bollocks Wardle for getting sent off |
| 11:20am | Half time, we’re around 3 or 4-0 down. |
| 11:21am | Wayne says to me in seriousness, “ere, we can win this”. Staples nearly vomits. |
| 11:22am | Boothy wants to jack it in |
| 11:25am | Second half starts |
| 11:27am | Wayne bollocks Wardle for getting sent off |
| 11:45am | Wardle asks the ref to blow his whistle – Muers ask the referee to “blow on this,” pointing to his crotch. |
| 11:50am | I’m beginning to hop around, dying for a piss without getting arrested. There’s no bush or mound in which I can let one out. |
| 11:55am | Don’t feel like a piss anymore as the Sandhills basically took it all out of us. |
| 12:00pm | Staples nearly scores when were around 9 or 10 down. Dixon sets him up, but he beats the ‘keeper and hits the post. |
| 12:10pm | Watson nominated as man-of-the-match after some mind bending saves after the full time whistle blows. |
