Vastly superior to anyone within the League*.

* According to David Murton.

It all began on a rare, warm summer evening - the 28th June 2005, to be precise. The League Secretary, Davinder Sangha was being pestered by some young upstart on MSN claiming that he was going give the incumbent Champions, Sporting Redhouse, a good seeing to. "Heard it all before" was Sangha's response, but the mighty David "Bunta" Murton delivered on his promise and the Hylton Castle team, which up until then was floundering, sprung alive in a 2-2 draw.

In his own words, he claimed that he "set the league on fire with my amazing vision and lethal finishing and quickly becoming the star of the team."

As a young pup, he was clearly eager to impress and establish himself as the best player ever seen in the Sassco League. After growing restless at Hylton Castle, he decided to head into management, which was a true disaster, much to everyone's amusement. As Murton continues, "A team of testosterone filled steroid abusers, including Gav Murton, Chris Ord, Kyle Robinson and Davey Taylor." The team, known as Marine House, just about won their first game, but then lost the second one. The team imploded and Murton was left with egg on his face.

He was then made aware of a new venture of Gash Braziers with AFC Redhouse and finally gained something to show for his talents. After a few successful campaigns, which included silverware, Murton was once again getting the itch (not a medical condition). He was poached by his previously sworn enemies, the Youth's, and it all started well as he along with another shock signing, Hembrough, was banging in the the goals, including a memorable strike against the then Champions, Southwick, on his debut. Things did turn sour and according to Murton, "The Youth's friendly alliances got in the way of success, as they insisted on playing their mates who are of a less quality then we had in the squad." He then cancelled his contract with them and supposedly took a substantial pay off to keep silent over the Youth's shenanigans.

His 11-a-side career was all hit and miss as well. Debuting for Sassco in 2005, he fired in a goal on his debut and began to tot up a number of strikes, before vanishing and returning sporadically. Sassco 11-a-side seems to be his spiritual home, but General Manager, Sangha, doesn't seem to trust his reliability. Only time will tell if he ever dons the Sassco jersey again in the 11-a-side field.

Back in the 6-a-side, he did return briefly to play a solitary game for Sassco in a 2-0 defeat to the Youth's, but is at the moment waiting in the wings for Gash Brazier to fire up AFC Redhouse again and move forward as one, as he doesn't seem to rate his successor, Thomas Bell, as genuine management material (Bell took over the embers after Brazier quit the League in disgust).

Since then, Murton has all but disappeared into obscurity, very similar to George Best playing for the Los Angeles Aztecs in the late 70's. A vast talent, which is rapidly fading due to age and alcohol. It wouldn't surprise anyone if in around fifteen or twenty years time, Murton will track down all his illegitimate children and form the genuine Murton FC, as David knows that the only good players around him should be clones of the Murton himself.

A misunderstood soul.

Gareth Brazier first popped into life as a referee in the Sassco League. Being one of the youngest there, he had his fair share of abuse (the majority of it justified) before catching the bug and wanting to put a team in. He took over a team back in February 2002 called Sunderland Star after previous incumbent, Chris Haldane, could no longer handle the team. The Star team dissipated and Brazier was left in the cold for Seasons 5 and 6.

Now becoming desperate he resorted to selling himself to anyone who'd have him. Sassco called and for Season 7 in 2004, he helped them to finish in their highest position since Season 2 with a good 4th place finish. With his new found arrogance, Gash B briefly turned to management again in tandem with Dennis Jackson, with his newly formed and impressive looking Redhouse FC team for the Cups at the end of Season 7. However, a true thrashing at the hands of Fulwell FC (8-1) meant that the team collapsed and Gash was threatening to vanish into obscurity again.

Yet, for Season 8, cap in hand, he returned to Sassco as the team had a poor season in 2005. He also had some rare appearances for the team in Season 9

Season 10's Cup competitions saw Gash finally make a successful return to management after spending his college time polishing up his management skills. His newly formed AFC team took part in the Open Cup. Ironically, his minions were walloped 4-1 by a hastily put together Wearview team, but as Wearview withdrew, AFC were given a second chance and took it to reach the final. Unfortunately, Gash Brazier made a fool of himself by being sent off in record time (2 minutes) in the Final and saw his five men (all who gave him a liberal amount of abuse throughout) succumb to a 2-0 defeat against Southwick in June 2007

It was better in the next competition, as Gash B kept his mouth shut and secured a memorable 3-2 win over Southwick in the Semi's (after being 2-0 down). They went on to win against Hylton Castle in the Final in August 2007 and Gash held up his first cup.

Season 11 was promising for Gash as his team were definite contenders. However, they ended up in third place, but reached the Open Cup Final again. But this time suffered a heavy 4-1 defeat against Sporting Redhouse on a cold night in February 2008.

In the Super League, as holders, they were hot favourties and cruised through the initial pool of 7 teams unbeaten (including a trouncing over Sporting). Yet the old arrogance crept through as Brazier demanded a Semi Final game against lowly Sassco, his old team, who triumphed 2-1 and left Brazier without any trophies for Season 11 and a team who were questioning his management skills.

It all ended in tears for Brazier in Season 12. His team were coasting towards the title after a series of consecutive wins. However, he was dismissed in the Thursday League and pulled his team out. Ironically, they were replaced by the accomplished Hylton Castle team, who kept the good run going by defeating the stronger teams and being crowned as League Champions in Season 12.

His 11-a-side career with Sassco also floundered, with an appearance as a regular for the team in 2003-2004. Nothing much happened, mainly because he was a bit wet behind his ears. Sassco's enforced absence from 2004 to 2005, meant that Gash signed for the Catfish and within a few seasons had been crowned as the WCFL 11-a-side Champions.

Subsequently, Gash Brazier was reduced to drink. He was attacked while down in Leeds, his girlfriend dumped him and he drowned his sorrows by signalling his intent to take part in the Sassco Tour to Portugal in 2009. The first time he would have donned a Sassco 11-a-side jersey since 2004. Things just go from bad to worse.

Considering that Sassco 11-a-side have had an average of 0.5 substitutes during the course of the season, meant that my wonderful bright idea of having a Sassco v Sassco game was going to be a bit over optimistic. The so called B team was a Sassco XI made up of mainly ex-players, Sassco League players and Non-regulars. Not many ex's were there, but more Non-regulars.

By Friday, I was thinking of calling it off. Dave Graham was missing because he had to collect some weapons from down South (probably to sell on the black market in Georgia). Dave Smith (our Malta goalkeeper) was not 100%. Dixon apparently fell over his golf clubs and injured himself. Gourlay was a doubt due to man-flu, but got himself together to make an appearance. However, this meant some of the players to be playing on the B team were shifted over to the A team. Luckily, Tim Gillespie managed to get Mark Edmundson in; Greenwell got Stubba in and everyone else turned up. I had Bunta and Keith Mouat pencilled in, but as expected, they didn't turn up. In the end Dave Smith (now not the ex-Park View 'keeper) came in for his Malta warm up (albeit ten minutes into kick off).

Bri Watson looked after the A team while I cobbled together the B's. In came Hendon Rovers' Wayne Ramsay, as well as returns for Ed, both Pearsons and Jamie. We had Simma outfield in defence. Paul McConville was in midfield with big Pea, while Stubba was the holding player.

Macca received a torrent of abuse in the first half as he was on my side of the pitch and despite doing me in once or twice, he didn't do much after that. He had a goal disallowed for offside by referee John Keenleyside, who did an excellent job and our thanks go out to him for helping out. We were playing 4-5-1 and a break from one of their attacking moves saw them caught cold with Gareth Stoker and Mark Muers flat footed. Wayne Ramsay fired in the curling shot past Gav Kershaw. Pearson had put one of his bank breaking bets on with Gav Kershaw claiming he'd score, and for the second, he nearly did. It came off the crossbar and Stubba scrambled it in.

2-0 down at half time and the B team were comfortable. Then Macca, with all the abuse, refused to go back into defence and took a hissy fit. The A's were down to ten for the first few moments. Macca then saw sense and kitted up to get back on. Personally I was delighted. I spent all week shitting myself expecting a combination of Greenwell, Cressy, Gourlay and Lewis to have me on my arse, but was left with Macca. If you gave me a list of 100 players, including blind ones and one legged ones, I'd still probably chose Macca to play against.

Second half, they did get one back. Simma dallying on the ball lost it and they fired one in. Gareth Stoker started the move and bludgeoned everyone out of his way to finish it off. Simma nearly picked it up, but remembered he was outfield. That was their only goal of the game. Dave Smith was outstanding in goal, so it bodes well for Malta and also if Simma ever falls off a cliff with his Sat Nav, then Dave will be the man.

At 2-1, we were under pressure. Gaps were being left, but Stubba took advantage and fired in a superb long range effort beyond Gav Kershaw to make it 3-1 to the B team. After this, Mark Edmundson scored and Pearson (A not M) scored off a rebound when Gav Kershaw parried the ball out.

It was interesting to watch Sassco from the other side. Lots of whinging. Players demanding to play in positions which they clearly can't handle (Macca) and heads down. Not good, but good for the B side. Everyone played astonishingly well. Paul Mc and Pearson in the middle. Anth Pea on the wings with the ever excellent Ed on the left hand side. Then Jamie and Simma at centre half. Both were outstanding. It's good to know we've got capable players available if needs be, but I can't see the A team doing any better than we did last season. Dave Graham was missing, but he was on and off last season, so this will be the same. Nelly was missed for this one, but even with the absentees, the A team should have done much better.

Community North Sports Complex
Pre-season friendly
Sassco.co.uk 1 Gareth Stoker
Sassco XI 5 Wayne Ramsay, Steve Stubbs (2), Anthony Pearson, Mark Edmundson
Sassco.co.uk: Gavin Kershaw, Tim Gillespie, Gareth Stoker, Mark Muers, Marc McDermont, Wayne Greenwell, Andy Swinhoe, Mark Cresswell, Dave Gourlay, Mark Middlemiss, Stephen Lewis. 
Sassco XI: Dave Smith, Dave Simpson, Davinder Sangha, Jamie Wilson, Mark Edmundson, Steve Stubbs, Mickey Pearson, Ed Morrison, Anth Pearson, Paul McConville, Wayne Ramsay.

The wife was envisioning a perfect holiday, but I saw a bit of a logistical nightmare. I knew India were due to play at Male, which is the capital of the ocean paradise known as the Maldives in the Indian ocean. The dates, 3rd, 5th and 7th were the game dates in a regional competition known as the South Asian Football Federation Championship. I thought there was no way we'd be able to sort out a holiday for a good price and in those dates. Amazingly and resourcefully, the wife sorted it and we were due to land on the 3rd. Problem was the travel to and from our resort island (Summer Island Village - proper paradise) to the main island. The person who sold me the holiday was full of shit. Travelling to and from the main island is not easy. We were only 22 miles away, but with oil prices rising, it wasn't cheap. Figures of $300 to $400 were being quoted. Not good. I managed, with the wonderful world of email, to get a return back to our resort on the day we landed for $335. We landed with a bit of a delay. It was a massive 10 hour flight (along with me driving 3 hours to Manchester). I had arranged tickets for the opener against Nepal on the 3rd, kicking off at 4pm with a local chap called Shimaz Ali, who runs the excellent Maldivesoccer.com website. The dippy announcer at Monarch Airlines gave the wrong time. I thought we landed at 3pm, but in reality it was 2pm.

Out of customs we met the wonderful Cosmo Tour Rep, who arranged for our suitcase to go to our resort and then helped us on to a quick ferry to the main island. The ferry conductor tried to rip us off (wife snarled at him - change returned). The car taxi dropped us outside the corner of the stadium where we met Shimaz. A very pleasant chap. We had a quick chat and took the tickets for the Nepal game and Pakistan game off him ($10 for four tickets). Into the stadium then and in a perfect position behind India's dug out. The stadium reminded me of a low key QPR / Norwich style venue before the Taylor report. The seats on the other stands were simply concrete steps while we were offered the luxury of a set of seats which were essentially plastic garden furniture seats. We were seated next to the VIP area alongside some reasonably fancy birds, who must have been the India WAGs (not a patch on the wife though).

We arrived in time to see the India team warm up wearing their away kits. I watched the game in bits really. I was taking constant photographs in the Sassco.co.uk manner, i.e. take loads and you'll get a few good ones. Bobby Houghton came out early, inspecting the pitch and chatting with the Nepal manager. I took some of the training and generally enjoyed the atmosphere, which was exceptionally humid.

The game kicked off on time with all the usual FIFA fanfare. I'll briefly run through it in the same manner I do my Sassco.co.uk 11-a-side reports. For details on the scorers, I'd recommend going to the excellent IndianFootball.com website, as I really couldn't remember who scored apart from the second goal. No fancy replays here, just the basics. As the game developed, just as I was extolling the values of Bob Houghton's decision to obtain more taller India players for set pieces, etc. A ball centred from the left was headed in beyond the height of the tiny Nepalese team. The opponents were actually more enthusiastic in the opening moments before goal went in, while India seemed to bulldoze over them with their much taller and stronger players. Baichung Bhutia, he of ex-Bury fame, was a genuine star on the field. He was constantly clobbered and hounded by the Nepalese until a moment of glory saw him power an overhead kick, similar to Dave Simpson's away to Mountain Daisy. Unlike Dave "Simma" Simpson, Baichung leapt several feet into the air and the sheer power of the kick saw the ball palmed into the back of the net by the Nepalese keeper. I was reserved for the first goal and happily listened to a row of excitable Nepalese in front of me. However, for India's second goal, I leapt up in the same manner I greeted Muer's and Swinhoe's wonder strikes against Washington Colliery. The Nepalese chaps didn't really say much after that.

So 2-0 at half time and clearly game over. Can't remember much about the third goal. I was busy chatting the wife, while the fourth goal was a tight cross which was bundled into the back of the net. Job done. There was a mini monsoon in the second half. Players slipping and sliding all over the place. Bit like when we played Cauld Lad away (but a tad bit warmer). We left after the fourth goal in a panic as we needed to get to our boat, but there were only around three minutes left. Our journey back was delayed, even though we walked to the jetty. Howver, the speedboat bouncing off the waves back at high speed back to the island was an experience itself.

Getting away for the game on the 5th was going to be a problem. An early boat was leaving the island at 5:30am, while the later one was at 3:00pm. The later one was chosen and Mohamed Waheed, the very helpful island resort manager managed to arrange a free return on a boat going to a different island (Maldives are essentially a set of islands dotted around the different atolls). So logistical worries over. But, I knew we'd struggle to get there for the first half. The 3:00pm boat was delayed to 3:15pm due to a set of German tourists casually wandering around the island before getting on to the boat. I was frustrated, but i'd saved well over $200 so no complaints. Originally we were to stay on the main island overnight, but the hitch hike back solved it. The boat was slower as well and instead of around thirty minutes, it took an hour and a half.

We got there just in time for the second half and I was the only person within the stadium wearing the new India shirt (apart from the players). The thought did cross my mind to bring my shorts, socks and boots as well to try and sneak on the pitch while they were training to see how long it'd take for them to realise I was an imposter. The scoreboard showed 2-0 to India, so job done. The second half was relaxed and, as in the first game, Bhutia was taken off. But we did have the pleasure of the exotically named Bungo and Climax Lawrence playing. The Indian Barmy Army to the left of me was in full swing when Pakistan brought on a little short arse (Farooq I think he was called). The India fans basically started taking the piss, but his Ronaldo type step overs and darting runs led to a late Pakistan goal. India held on well to keep the score at 2-1 to secure a Semi Final berth with the final group game against the hosts.

Near the end, my wife, scared the living daylights out of the big, burly Physical Trainer, Suresh Babu, by letting out a "Hiya!" and requested a photo with Bobby Houghton at the end. Mr. Babu, obviously nerves shattered said he'd ask him. At the end, the wife again squealed, "Bobby! Bobby!" to get the great man's attention, while he was congratulating the exhausted India team. He obliged with the photograph and commented on the shirt I was wearing, "Nice shirt." he said, while I mumbled something about coming all the way from the UK to watch the game. Obviously in the presence of a man who's managed Malmo to a European Cup Final (against Forest in 1979), along with managing Toronto Blizzard in the NASL, China and many others, I felt a bit humbled. I've only taken Sassco.co.uk 11-a-side to the Mingers Cup Final where we lost to the horrible Low Fell FC (who played a bunch of ringers as we beat a completely different team 4-0 a few weeks after). I feel the same way when I'm talking to Billy "Tash" Harper. My words never seem to to make sense and all I can say is, "miss me out." Click here to see Bob Houghton's Wikipedia Biography.

We got back to the island in time, but unfortunately I couldn't get the tickets sorted for the main event, which was the final group game against the hosts, the Maldives, on the 7th. I did manage to watch it on local television (while the rest of the guest were being bored by Czech v Switzerland). The Maldives were desperate not to lose, while India put out a complete reserve side. Their reserve goalkeeper was flinging himself like Simma does on the 6-a-side for the whole game. India were defending a 1-0 lead (another header), while Samir Naik was sent off for a second yellow card. Baffles me how the Maldives didn't score, but who cares. Three out of three for India and a great holiday. I'm going to suggest to the AIFF (All India Football Federation), that they arrange a few games in the Bahamas, Florida or Hawaii in the next couple of years. The next SAFF Championship is in December 2009 in India. Looks like I'll be paying a visit to the homeland then...(and not to visit relatives - sod that!).