KeithMouat

With the recent Britain exiting Europe, or Brexit Referendum, result leading in an increase in racism. I think it would be responsible to part with some advice for ethnic minorities and EU migrants who are ingrained into the country and aren't really going anywhere.

Proving you belong here.

  • OldpassportAlways have your passport with you, preferably the older blue version with a cut corner.

  • Have your birth certificate to show you were born here. Note that this doesn't always work if you are non-white, as they don't care. If you have the gift of the gab, convince the opponent (not difficult; most are a bit thick), that your ancestors first came to Kent back in the 700's AD when it used to be called Cantia. I did this to someone many years ago, convincing them of an Asian population during Roman times (owning shops). However, this might backfire if they say something like: "Get back to Assyria where you belong."

  • Possibly have a payslip with PAYE details to show you pay tax. Again, this may not work on some people you show it to them as they don't pay tax.

Assimilating and making the locals comfortable.

  • MuersSanghaHave a picture of yourself with a Caucasian male, preferably a thug like person, with a bald head and various tattoos.

  • Wear a non-Manchester United football shirt. Lots of Asians support Manchester United, so it needs to be a working class team like Sunderland or Scunthorpe. Not Rotherham, because they might think you're a kiddy fiddler

  • If you have a Polish or other EU name like Bartek Filipowski, then call yourself Barry Phillips, or Dave. Bit more difficult if you're Asian.

  • Make mention of England's 3-0 win over Poland in Mexico 1986. Do not mention the 1-1 draw in Wembley 1973 and DO NOT mention the 2-0 defeat in Chorzow. Note. Alan Ball was sent off; England wearing yellow tops.

  • Share plenty of Jeremy Kyle links on Facebook. Also, share plenty of photos of St George and similar stuff even though he was a foreigner and never stepped in Britain. But then again, he's the ideal foreigner: Christian, rides a horse and not in Britain.

  • When in the Polish food isle of the supermarket pick up a Polish brand and say to an assistant "Ey, mate. Do you know what this is? It's in Polish?" If Asian, have a steak and kidney pie prominent in your basket.

  • On the Metro, if you are darker skinned or have just come back from holiday, have a clear rucksack so people can see inside it in case they think you have a bomb. When reading on the Metro, try the Daily Mail or Jeremy Clarkson's shit biography.

Language and skin colour.

  • SpikeasianIf slightly darker in complexion, try and enhance makeup (hint: you need lots of white). If black, try and look and act like Ian Wright, but NOT Carlton Palmer as that would backfire. If Polish and too blond, then tone it down and maybe lose a tooth to blend in. You don't want to look like an albino and stand out.

  • If you are Asian try not to use your own language in conversation. However, if you do need to have a conversation using your own language, shake your head left to right and wave your arms like you're taking the piss out of Asians.

Things to avoid.

  • NumberplateIf you go into a pub, do not say "Where's the nearest NHS Walk-in Centre?"

  • Hide the EU part of your number plate.

  • Don't shop at Iceland. It just winds them up.

If confronted or barracked. Defend yourself by saying:

"I was born here, mate."

"I pay tax, I contribute."

"My folks moved here and worked in shops/mills/buses, etc."

Or if really confronted and in fear for your safety, resort to any of these:

"I've had my balls in your mother/wife/daughter's mouth. Does that not count towards being a British citizen?"

"Fuck off, you Cunt!"

Sassco win at the Stadium of …

11-a-side - 21st May 2017

Playonthepitch2017.sanghajumpnsp 282

Sassco's most glorious moment in their 18 year history. Sassco 11-a-side, finally won their first game in over a year, and what a place to do it in. It was their first...Read More

Stadium of Light 2017 shirts …

11-a-side - 12th May 2017

Solwovenincnsp 282

Delighted to announce that the shirts supplied by Woven Inc. have arrived and are ready for our second game at the Stadium of Light on 18th May.

Opening game v South Tyne Bui…

11-a-side O35 League 2017 - 10th May 2017

11aside2016 Shirtnsp 282

Sassco return to action on the 3rd June at 10am against South Tyne Building Supplies. Squad has been confirmed with the following players: 1. Davinder Sangha 2. Chris Dixon 3. Marc McDermont...Read More

Stadium of Light Rules, Itine…

11-a-side - 4th May 2017

1229pxLogo Sunderlandsvgnsp 282

The rules and regulations for Play on the Pitch 2017 have been passed on from Sunderland AFC. Those who took part last year, will know what to expect. Rules of Play Squads...Read More

Iceland Tour map and Golden C…

Iceland Tour 2017 - 30th April 2017

Hotelrangagooglemapnsp 282

The main venues are shown below for the Iceland Tour. The apartment is shown, plus the football venue, main bus terminal, as well as hotel and airport. Below this map is...Read More

3-5-Who?

11-a-side - 28th April 2017

WP 20170428 18 54 25 Pro1nsp 282

A hastily arranged game against Mark Muers' U35 team, Washington United FC. We really cobbled a team together. High hopes were for the Stadium of Light team, but Smith, Sangha, Dixon...Read More

Woven Inc to supply Sassco's …

11-a-side - 20th April 2017

Wovenimage1nsp 282

Please to announce that Woven Inc, one of the UK leaders in custom workwear and fashion clothing based in Washington, are supplying the AWDis kit for our game at the...Read More

Sassco 11-a-side are back?

11-a-side O35 League 2017 - 31st March 2017

11aside35nsp 282

We're looking to revive the 11-a-side team in, albeit, an over 35 format. Durham FA are organising a 50 minute game league, which is played on a Saturday morning at Durham...Read More

NUOTC 5 Sassco.co.uk 3

11-a-side - 25th March 2017

Sassco11aside250317nsp 282

Sassco travelled to the beyond (i.e. Walker Dome) to take on the Northumbria University Officer Training Corp team. A team which we somehow defeated 6-1 last year, albeit with what...Read More

Knattspyrnufélagið Þróttur To…

Iceland Tour 2017 - 20th March 2017

Icelandtournamentbannernsp 282

The dates and times have been just about confirmed with a five team tournament set over two days. The teams involved, alongside Sassco.co.uk are Þrottur, Breidablik, FC Sækó and Öspin. The dates...Read More

AWDis football kit choices fo…

11-a-side - 8th March 2017

Kits2017nsp 282

We have a number of choices for our game at Sunderland's Stadium of Light in May. Last year, we chose orange as the sponsor colour, but our opponents are looking at...Read More

Sunderland AFC Stadium of Lig…

11-a-side - 28th February 2017

WP 20160609 20 39 34 Pro LInsp 282

Delighted to have confirmed 11 Sassco players for the Play on the Pitch event at Sunderland's Stadium of Light, in May 2017. The team is scheduled to play against a similar...Read More

The FA People's Cup at Goals …

Sassco 5/6-a-side - 24th February 2017

Peoplescup1nsp 282

Sassco took part in their first FA People's Cup, a 5-a-side competition played at Goals Sunderland on Sunday 26th February, but failed to get a Quarter Final spot. The team comprised...Read More

Official match ball for Icela…

Iceland Tour 2017 - 15th December 2016

IMG20161214WA0008nsp 282

Ready to grace the glaciers. It's back to basics with the 70's retro look for our Iceland Tour 2017 match ball. The ball contains the Iceland Tour logo, as well as...Read More

5-a-side defeat against Sunde…

Sassco 5/6-a-side - 4th November 2016

Bandgalleriesnsp 282

A game requested by Sunderland Deaf FC, who are taking part in a the Rudolph 5-a-side tournament in Derby, was arranged at the outdoor pitches at Everyone Active Washington. The Sassco team...Read More

Iceland Tour football kit by …

Iceland Tour 2017 - 26th August 2016

Iceland 2017 Shirtnsp 282

A little while away, but the initial design for the Iceland Tour 2017 football team kit is ready. The jerseys will be provided by the Just Cool by AWDis brand, supplied...Read More

Icelandair from Manchester an…

Iceland Tour 2017 - 13th August 2016

InfographicIcelandnsp 282

The flights were changed slightly. Originally, we were due back on the 30th May 2017, but as the flight was cancelled, a few panicked communications later saw it changed to...Read More

First team ever to use Just C…

11-a-side - 7th August 2016

Just Cool By Awdis Football Topsnsp 282

New shirt for the nomadic 11-a-side team. Sassco have had branded team kits and custom made team shirts since the foundation back in 1999. So we are now proud to announce...Read More

Iceland Tour 2017 football sq…

Iceland Tour 2017 - 27th July 2016

Subbuteonsp 282

The six players for the Iceland Tour 2017 are detailed below:   Kevin Cooper Joins again after taking part in four recent tours. Superb between the sticks. Davinder Sangha Organiser (as expected) and defender in...Read More

Cricket score = bad defences.

11-a-side - 24th July 2016

Sassco240716nsp 282

Our regular tri or bi-annual game took place again, but this time off the 3G (or is it 4G) and on to grass at Castle View, where we suffered a...Read More

Games against Breiðablik UBK …

Iceland Tour 2017 - 23rd July 2016

Icelandgamesarrangednsp 282

Really delighted to announce two games in Iceland for the 2017 tour. Games will take place in and around Reykjavik. The first one arranged was against Breiðablik UBK arranged by Andrés Pétursson...Read More

Tactical headquarters in Reyk…

Iceland Tour 2017 - 7th July 2016

Black Towernsp 282

We've provisionally booked a two bedroom apartment in Reykjavik, which will hold 6 people (Booked tickets yet, Tim?). The apartment is close to shopping, bakery, ATM, etc. Bus stop is also...Read More

Defeated again; Dave Gourlay …

11-a-side - 3rd July 2016

11 A Side.Sassco V OBriensnsp 282

Plenty of dinosaurs were dug out for Sassco's difficult game against O'Briens, a team organised by Steve Farrer (himself a rare dinosaur), and containing a lot of ex-Redhouse FC players. For...Read More

Post Brexit Guide on dealing …

Various Articles - 29th June 2016

KeithMouatnsp 282

With the recent Britain exiting Europe, or Brexit Referendum, result leading in an increase in racism. I think it would be responsible to part with some advice for ethnic minorities...Read More

Posithread win Season 18.

Sassco Tournaments - 25th June 2016

Posithreadseason18nsp 282

With a revival of the Sassco League, albeit in 5-a-side format, five teams entered and the tournament was reasonably successful, despite no referees, a flare up, slight confusion over the...Read More

Season 18 tournament in June.

Sassco Tournaments - 17th June 2016

Season18nsp 282

Downhill Complex is a distant memory now, but Sassco 6-a-side keeps failing to die off. Now it's a 5-a-side tournament played over a few hours in the new Everyone Active venue...Read More

Microsoft Band / Health GPS t…

Switzerland Tour 2016 - 11th June 2016

Semaillesnsp 282

During the Switzerland Tour, the Microsoft Band was in action and with GPS tracking during the Geneva Tournament, here are the results from my ultra-cautious approach during three 20 minute...Read More

Defeated at the Stadium of Li…

11-a-side - 11th June 2016

11 A Side.safc Lineupnsp 282

Trepidation meant I wanted everyone to be at the stadium early. All arrived promptly, probably because their subs were £163 each. But it was a bit of a hiccup from...Read More

Geneva Tournament 2016 - Sass…

Switzerland Tour 2016 - 11th June 2016

Switzerland2016.Geneva Tournament Line Upnsp 282

After a bad night's sleep, the next morning, we headed into the city centre again for a bite to eat and then headed to a market. A local said it...Read More

GB Outfitters - player profil…

11-a-side - 7th June 2016

11 A Side.dukensp 282

Learn about our opponents! Here's a very detailed player biography provided by David Duke from GB Outfitters. Jonny Prested (Goalkeeper)The many faced man; Ronnie O'Sullivan, Peter Whittingham, the count from Sesame...Read More

Futsal defeat in Geneva - Sas…

Switzerland Tour 2016 - 4th June 2016

Switzerland2016.semailles And Sassconsp 282

Back in the late Summer of 2015, I was contemplating an end to the football tours. We were Stateside in New York, playing in iconic surroundings, down in the Lower...Read More

Sassco.co.uk v GB Outfitters …

11-a-side - 2nd June 2016

11 A Side.gb Outfittersnsp 282

We've finally discovered our opponents, GB Outfitters, a strong side which includes David Duke, who played for us in a friendly v Sunderland Deaf AFC not too long ago. Kick off...Read More

Sunderland AFC itinerary and …

11-a-side - 23rd May 2016

11 A Side.safcnsp 282

Itinerary - Thursday 9th June 2016 7.00pm - Team Arrival, taken to changing rooms 7.15pm - Team Photographs 7.20pm - Pre- Match Warm Up 7.30pm - Kick off 8.15pm - Half Time 8.30pm - Second Half 9.15pm -...Read More

Geneva Tournament 2016

Switzerland Tour 2016 - 19th May 2016

Switzerland2016.geneva Tournamentnsp 282

Delighted, as part of the tour in Switzerland, to be involved in a special tournament arranged by Adolfo Domingues and FC Semailles. There are a total of five teams taking part...Read More

Starting line-up at Sunderlan…

11-a-side - 10th May 2016

11 A Side.11 A Side Line Upnsp 282

The initial 11 who have paid the money for the Stadium of Light game have been set to start as we now have had two drop outs from the original...Read More

New York Cosmos 1 Jacksonvill…

USA Tour 2015 - 27th April 2016

Usa2015.cosmosnsp 282

Back in 2011, I made my way over to Old Trafford and refused to "Stand up if you love Paul Scholes" while fulfilling an ambition to watch the New York...Read More

Switzerland Tour 2016 footbal…

Switzerland Tour 2016 - 26th April 2016

Switzerland2016.Switzerland 2016 Shirtnsp 282

Workwear Express will be supplying the Switzerland Tour 2016 jersey. The shirt (along with a black long sleeve version for the goalkeeper) will be worn by the six players travelling to Geneva...Read More

McDermont Disaster!

Switzerland Tour 2016 - 18th April 2016

Switzerland2016.mcdermont Missnsp 282

McDermont sets the tone for his performance with a pre-match miss. Confidence was sky high, but then Dixon announced he was unavailable, which meant McDermont hopped on board, alongside He Who...Read More

Switzerland Tour 2016 venues

Switzerland Tour 2016 - 4th April 2016

Switzerland2016.map Genevansp 282

The map below shows the venues to be used in Switzerland. The game against FC Semailles Futsal will be taking place on the 5th June on the Stade De Fraisiers grass pitch...Read More

Sassco.co.uk 6 Northumbria Un…

11-a-side - 12th March 2016

11 A Side.Sassco V NUOTCnsp 282

Back: Chris Dixon, Connor Llewellyn, Patrick Knox, David Bilton, Mike Barker, Paul McConville. Front: Davinder Sangha, Marc McDermont, Kevin Cooper, Dave Gourlay, Mark Middlemiss Safe to say that this was a...Read More

Iceland in 2017

Iceland Tour 2017 - 7th March 2016

12670915 1085994678118770 1374500302259548157 N

We're heading to Iceland in 2017. It's early days, but as the Switzerland Tour is all but arranged, pre-planning means that we're heading to Iceland in September/October 2017 with flights from...Read More

Swiss test at North Lodge.

Switzerland Tour 2016 - 19th February 2016

Switzerland2016.North Lodgensp 282

The team in one of the worst photos ever taken and placed on a Sassco site (by Paul McConville) Despite the posh surroundings, the teams made their journeys from the four...Read More

Wayne Greenwell: My point of …

11-a-side - 13th February 2016

11 A Side.Wayne Greenwellnsp 282

“Nothing is impossible, you just haven’t done it yet. Dreams are hard to achieve, otherwise they wouldn’t be a dream. In the darkest of hours when all seems hopeless, that’s...Read More

Baxter is lucky 13.

11-a-side - 26th January 2016

11 A Side.baxter Safcnsp 282

Despite thinking that he deserves a full 90 minutes and extra time and corner kicks and free-kicks and pre-match pies, Mike "Max Factor Baxter" Barker has signed up for the...Read More

Eat like a (proper) footballe…

11-a-side - 19th January 2016

Wcfl 2009 2010.10 10 09 4nsp 282

So, our usual pre-match meal would be a fry up, or even being late for a game at Silksworth, due to Fatty wanting a McDonald's. But as we're spending around £120...Read More

Get fit for football at the S…

11-a-side - 18th January 2016

11 A Side.fitness Image Mark Muersnsp 282

It's a little under four months away for our historic Stadium of Light game, so no excuses; we need to be fit. So, here's a quick fitness guide and some advice...Read More

Fatty Wardle at the Stadium o…

11-a-side - 11th January 2016

404nsp 282

Delighted to announce that Jon "Fatty" Wardle is on board for the Stadium of Light game on the 15th May. Wardle last kicked a ball in anger (including with a goal)...Read More

Game v Northumbrian Universit…

11-a-side - 6th January 2016

11 A Side.Facebook 11 A Side Banner V Cuthbertsnsp 282

After Sassco's hard fought comeback win in the pouring rain against Sunderland Deaf FC, the team will next be back in action in March, against Mark Middlemiss' team. The...Read More

Sassco.co.uk 5 Sunderland Dea…

11-a-side - 3rd January 2016

11 A Side.Sassco 11 A Side Team Selfiensp 282

McDermont's 35 yard "screamer". Our bi- or tri-annual game against Sunderland AFC's Deaf team took place at Chester-Le-Street, and shockingly, we had more than a full turn out. A total of fifteen...Read More

Workwear Express to sponsor t…

11-a-side - 23rd December 2015

11 A Side.Sassco At SAFC Workwear Express Shirtnsp 282

Pleased to announce that Workwear Express are now providing the tops for the game at the Stadium of Light on the 9th June. The company have provided the uniform and kit for the every...Read More

Game v Sunderland Deaf FC in …

11-a-side - 20th December 2015

11 A Side.dfc Banner January 2016nsp 282

Sassco will be roaring back into action in the New Year. Our regular game against Sunderland DFC is arranged and will take place at 2pm on the 3rd January 2016. The venue...Read More

Hembrough - Cresswell partner…

11-a-side - 19th December 2015

11 A Side.cresswell Hembroughnsp 282

Delighted to announce that the attack pairing for the forthcoming game at Sunderland's Stadium of Light will be Scott Hembrough and Mark Cresswell. The game takes place Thursday 9th June, 7:00pm...Read More

Sassco.co.uk @ Sunderland Sta…

11-a-side - 17th November 2015

11 A Side.stadium Of Lightnsp 282

Sassco are looking to play at their most ambitious venue yet. After the warm climes of the Victor Tedesco Stadium in Malta, the balmy FC Ferreiras Stadium in Portugal and various...Read More

Football News

Huddersfield Town: No EFL act…

The English Football League will take no action against Huddersfield regarding their starting line-up against Birmingham City.

22-05-2017

Mourinho and my team-mates tr…

Manchester United midfielder Marouane Fellaini says he has the "trust" of his team-mates and manager Jose Mourinho.

22-05-2017

Zoe Tynan: WSL 2 winners Ever…

Everton Ladies pay tribute to former youth player Zoe Tynan as they win WSL 2 on what would have been her 19th birthday.

22-05-2017

Thousands won on Terry's 26th…

Thousands of pounds are won in bets placed on John Terry being substituted in the 26th minute of his final appearance at Stamford Bridge.

22-05-2017

Portsmouth: Supporters' Trust…

The Pompey Supporters' Trust votes in favour of Michael Eisner's proposal to buy the League Two champions.

22-05-2017

Millwall Wembley pitch invasi…

The EFL says a pitch invasion by Millwall fans after their play-off final win at Wembley was "completely unacceptable".

22-05-2017

Scotland call up Murphy and D…

Brighton's Jamie Murphy and Aberdeen duo Kenny McLean and Mark Reynolds are named in Scotland's squad to face England.

22-05-2017

Mourinho's new low as Chelsea…

Jose Mourinho's new low, were Tottenham ever top of the table? And how good are Chelsea? A Premier League season in stats.

22-05-2017

Kroenke's Arsenal shares 'are…

Arsenal majority shareholder Stan Kroenke says his shares in the club "are not, and have never been, for sale".

22-05-2017