I expected another dodgy day. We were very short of staff. Stapes, Cola Boy, Wayne, Jase, Digga, Galey were all missing. Stapes and Cola Boy I knew about. Cola turned up to pay his fine wearing standard student attire (i.e. flip flops) and was tempted to play, even though he looked comatose. Jase was missing completely and I couldn’t get hold of him. Wardle surprisingly managed to get hold of Jeff's kit. Wayne was missing completely as well. Digga turned up to drop his kit off (and this time he wasn’t dressed like Neo off the Matrix like he was on Wednesday). Gourlay rang me the night before asking what time we were on to watch, but I told him to bring his boots - good choice as well.

He grabbed two goals in a very enjoyable end of season performance. We had a line up of Watty in goal, Boothy, Gash, Stubba and me (yes me!) at the back. Fatty, Baker, Kelsey and Emu were in midfield and Gourlay joined up around five minutes after kick off to partner Jona in attack. We went 1-0 down after a mix up but soon took advantage of our dominance. Kelsey grabbed the all important equaliser with an assist from Gourlay and we never looked back. Muers scored an unusual goal which almost looked like it went behind the goal and back in. Probably the horrendous way we set the nets up. The pitch had been cut and cleaned up so we didn’t have any car parts. Although I did use some seat springs in an innovative manner.

The second half saw Jona score and also Wardle score (finally). A long range effort which was perfect as it looped over the 'keeper. Forgetting the positives, we let two easy goals in. Boothy blames himself for one and I blame him for the other. Kelsey was chasing the midfielder (who looked like Dixon with long hair) and the ball overran, which meant Boothy had it, but he didn’t and they scored. This was the reason why he missed two scorchers in the last two minutes. The first one glanced the crossbar and that was it. But amazingly, he got a second chance a few minutes later but walloped it against the post.

Obviously if he went to church on a regular basis and was generally a good person he would have had one in the bag, like I did on Thursday evening.

Positive day, nice day, great weather and everyone up for it. We also agreed that a one off £25 is to be paid by all to keep us in the league and also a regular £10 at the start of each month instead of paying subs now. There was some disagreement over if someone paid and then was injured, but it was easy to work that out by either refunding the amount or carrying it over to the next month. The reason for the £10 is simple. It's now the players who pay's responsibility to be there. I'm quite sure that, for example, Wayne would have been there if he'd paid £10 at the start of the month. Also when we are short, we cannot guarantee any payments for people we bring in for the last minute. Also the £25 rule applies to all - if anyone says (on the 1st June when it's due) that they don't have it, then the lads who have paid will get their £25 back and we won't be entering on Saturday mornings. It's down to player power. Also Keith Brazier has turned down the chance to coach the team. He was very tempted but I blew it by saying he has to make Muers and Stubba better players.

A typical away day. Bad organisation, lack of shirts, fatty turning up in blue shorts. Say no more.

There were changes in the team, most we forced changes. Gash was missing (work) so Stubba (with £2) slotted in as centre half with Wayne (kicked out of his house). Jase was left back and Booth was right back. Kelsey came in as right winger (both politically and positional) as Galey (gammy foot) and Staples (gammy toe) were out. Jeff was missing due to work (liar) and kept a fucking top with him. It baffles me why any player should take a shirt home with him when he cannot commit to Wednesday and Saturday games. Simply not acceptable. Cola Boy was also missing (having his highlights done). So I popped Digga and Hunt up front and (asking for trouble) Fatty with Baker in the middle.

For the first time I employed a small tactic as now the team seems to have moved on from joined up writing and now on to pushing different shaped blocks into the correct holes. I've always identified the Clubs backline on being slow. They hold an excellent offside trap and are very physical. But Digga was to stay on the last man and break at every opportunity. The plan seemed to work but eventually we didn’t take advantage of it.

It almost didn’t happen. Digga was late, but he did tell me he was going to be. Kelsey and Hunt were holed up in the changing rooms having a chat and a cup of tea. So we nearly started with 8 players. We did actually start with 10. Digga had to take his suit tie, cufflinks, etc off to get ready. But it did give me an opportunity to give him instructions. Also the team got on his back to hurry up, so by the time he was on the pitch, he was well pissed off.

Performance was good overall. For the third consecutive game, the defence was solid. Unfortunate lapses led to their two opening goals. Both came from our left hand side. A simple cross (which wasnt prevented) and a header in. We were clearly disappointed but it didn’t affect the performance. Both Hunt and Dixon came close. Dixon should have definitely scored when clear on. Wardle also came close but simply failed to deliver in the middle like he always doesn’t. Now I could have plonked Greenwell in the middle, but it would have cancelled out the defence which is the only thing which looks good in the team. Kelsey played well, but seemed to be intimidated by the opposition - Kelsey scored in our last game here. Muers, after a good first half, died in the second and got into difficulties. The only major chances in the second were a shot from Baker on his weak left foot and clanger from Muers. Wardle also failed to take advantage of the slope on the field and was useless like he has been in his last three games. Hunt was excellent as always, he threw himself about and caused problems. The thing about Hunt is that if he isn’t scoring he's getting stuck in so regardless of the result he always gives his all. The only other player on the team like that is probably Staples. Jase, Greenwell, Stubba and Booth were all solid. Greenwell stumbled to cause one goal, but apart from that it was an impeccable performance. Jase's clearances and anticipation was also good. Stubba slotted well as centre half instead of Gash and Boothy's forward play was quite good as well.

But as with the last three games (including this one), we aren’t scoring and the longer a game goes on, the more goals we'll concede - not out of bad defending, but the fact that the opposition have the confidence with a goal and also the fact that we're pushing up.

We've got one last league game and it's against the Cliff. Hopefully we can sign off in style like we did last season, to give us a positive start to next season.

With Dov at work, I was left to rally the troops as Sassco entertained Daisy for the second consecutive Saturday, this time in the Quarter Final of the Sangha cup. The team lined up with Watson replacing Stubba in goal, back four (Booth, Gash, Greenwell and Jase), midfield (Dixon, Baker, Jeff and Muers) and Wardle and Hunt leading the attack. The game was refereed by Muers best friend Mr Gordon, who had sent off 4 of our players this season for dissent. The first half continued on from last week with both teams seeming to cancel each other out. Daisy, however took one of their few chances after poor marking from a set-piece let them in for the opener. With half-time approaching  Sassco had their best chance of the game, Hunt strolled past the Daisy defence and rocketed a shot off the crossbar, re-bounce fell to Wardle (who is on a bit of a barren spell at the moment) and his shot was well saved and then Muers should have done better from the loose ball.

Half time 1-0 to the Daisy. Dixon was replaced with Galey. Told Stubba he would be on in about 5 minutes as he had to get Dixon’s kit off him. With the score still 1-0 the ugly twat entered the fray replacing myself. I thought I would try to use my managerial skills standing on the touchline. Daisy soon doubled their advantage after a mix-up between Stubba and Watson. Watson seemed to have the ball safely in his hands but it squirmed loose leaving a easy tap-in after Stubba had knocked him for 6 (after a  push from a Daisy player).

What would Sassco’s response be, heads normally start to drop. Hunt responded smashing the ball off the underside of the crossbar once again. Gash was fouled trying to get the follow-up. PENALTY!!! Hunt decided to take the responsibility, you could hear the Daisy lads saying “He’ll miss, he’ll miss he did last week” and sure enough he blazed his penalty high over the bar. (A penalty Johnny Wilkinson would have been proud off). But at least he had the guts to take it.

Time was running out, the only player I had available to try and turn the game around was Kelsey as Staples was injured. Jeff was whinging saying he wanted to come off and calling the team “useless”, but Kelsey preferred to stay on the touchlines and laugh at Jeff. Muers moved further up field to partner Hunt and Wardle, but this seemed to confuse Wardle and he dropped further back. At this time Stubba was doing his famous bursts up field without the ball. Daisy introduced a tall striker who sewed up the win for the Daisy and ended Sassco’s final cup run of the season with 2 strikes in the last 5 minutes, one from a 20-yard free kick.

No subs collected from several team-members including Stubba once again. When will he realise we need money to survive as a team*.

Next game on Wednesday against The Club and then a week Saturday against South Shields Brit and that’s it for Sassco for this season.

*don’t worry. I’ll send a letter to DFA like I did last time to force Stubba to put his hand in his pocket…simian twat!!

Sassco really baffle me sometimes. The same team which got walloped off Sandhills and beaten by Hollymere turned out against an ominously dangerous looking Mountain Daisy team. The bad blood emanating from the earlier game which saw DFA take action against Daisy for racism was still there. Ironically, they got off after making an appeal. It was essentially my word against theirs – and they did have “their” referee on their side as well. But then again it’s not the first time I’ll be called a racial slur and it certainly wont be the last time. Speaking from a truly independent point of view, it’s no wonder why there’s so much strife between the asian and black communities and the white communities now because of crap like this. Most older asians and blacks don’t really trust anyone anymore due to the harsh treatment they got in the 70’s and 80’s. I for one can still remember racism vividly in West Yorkshire in the 70’s and 80’s. NF marches. Posters going up with “official nigger targets”. My old man telling me about his bus being pelted with eggs when he was a bus driver. Me and my old man being racially abused when I must have only been around five or six years old when using a public toilet by another bloke. So when all throw their arms up in anger that the “foreigners” don’t integrate into society – well they’ll know now why. There’s still too much bad blood and memories. I was born in the UK and fully bred there. I don’t have any single asian person as a friend and only hang around with white people as I have all my life. I also hate religion and am a devout atheist. I also don’t agree with the notion of asylum neither, but I for one won’t hoist up the Union Jack and start singing “hallelujah” until all racism has ended (which it won’t).

Back to the game. As I said it was ominous. The whole Daisy team were geeing their own team up against a silent Sassco team before the opening whistle, and it worked. We were swamped in the first twenty minutes and it seemed that Daisy would bang one in sooner rather than later. Strangely, when we broke we simply sliced through the Daisy back line. Staples fired over the bar with the goal at his mercy. The confidence immediately rippled through the team. We had a forward line of Hunt and Wardle and a new midfield of Jeff partnering Baker in the middle. Stapes and Muers were on the flanks while a brave decision (I may say) by myself prompted by Greenwell put him in the centre half position. Gash, who had a nightmare in the same position on Wednesday, also remained in that position. This was a key area and luckily for me – it worked. Both were truly outstanding. Jase was left back and Boothy was right back and both had outstanding games. Jase, again, looked nervous as left back on Wednesday, but today, looks as if he’s played there all his life. Stubba held the goal and was sure as hell in catching the ball and commanding his area.

But the good performance was given a setback with around two minutes until half time. Daisy grabbed one off a set piece free kick, but our heads clearly weren’t down. Half time talk was simple and to the point “keep at it.” I took Stapes off at his own request due to injury and plonked Jeff on the wing. He was replaced in the middle by Cola Boy. Jeff looked forlorned in midfield and failed to make an impact. Cola Boy did the opposite. Mountain Daisy’s key player is probably Mark Gibson (who also turned Ellie Leisure’s season around when he started for them in the Tuesday league). He was running the show and causing no ends of problems. Cola Boy stuck tight on him and won the majority of the high balls (mainly due to his height advantage). But he also riled Gibson up – not surprising really, our lot want to kick Cola Boy’s head in most of the time as well. But Gibson lost his strength in his game and concentrated on lynching the Cola Boy instead. The whole Daisy team were far more aggressive in the game, but we matched them in the response. Especially from the Cola Boy. Obviously he wouldn’t win a fight against any of the opposition, but it wasn’t about fighting, but about gaining the upper hand in tactical terms. More and more fouls were being given against him and it was quite obvious that we broke up their play in the second half. So it wasn’t really surprising that we scored. Cola Boy began the move which ended with Muers lashing it in. Muers had a good solid game. His work rate was still low but he caused them problems. At one occasion Daisy were saying “get him out of the game.” Little do they know, he usually does that himself. Wardle is still not firing on all cylinders. Even during our dark days last season, he still came in with some stunners from distance. In this game, he barely had a shot and was snipered on regular occasions. The opposite has to be said for Hunt. His presence was strong and his one liners were even better (although he got a yellow card for it). Baker had a quiet but effective game. He rarely gave away a pass which is so crucial for us as every second of possession is so crucial. We came close on so many occasions after this and were very disappointed to be ending the game on level terms. Extra time didn’t open up neither. We did have glimpses of chances but passes were astray as the team got tired. Kelsey was on now for Jeff as the team went in to the penalty shoot out. Openers from Wardle and Cola Boy were taken comfortably, but both Jase and Jona missed to send us out. Both of theirs hit the upright and post. Never mind. I forgot to mention (obvious now though) that this was a cup game in a league which seems to have more cups than Mario Kart.

And to go back to the opening statement. Sassco still baffle me. This result reminds me exactly of the last game of last season away to the Cliff. I made positional changes after a string of bad results and we gained an impressive win. More importantly, we built on it. We had a narrow 3-2 loss against Durham in the friendly and then had a storming season opener which included 8-3 wins away to Hollymere and a 5-1 win over Sandhills. Ironically this culminated in a 4-4 draw with the Daisy when we were 4-2 down. After this we thought we were invincible and haven’t recovered since. Despite all this rhetoric, we still lost against the Daisy on penalties. But to me, to take it so far and have a good solid performance means so much. In my eyes we didn’t lose, but drew and we’ve got to take something from that and build on it. If we don’t, then it’s classed as another Sassco day – when we pull out all the stops and play really well, but don’t bother the next week.

"Yaar tactics are all wrong!!" howls the toothless (literally) Greenwell. Tactics? we haven’t got any tactics. The team hasn’t got the brains for any tactics. I'll tell you what. I'll sort the tactics and complicated stuff once we've learned how to do the following:

1. Clear the ball properly.
2. Win it in midfield - especially when in the air.
3. Take our chances in attack.

I'll tell you what tactics are. Using the wind to advantage to take long shots. Something which Wardle in all his brains failed to do. The midfield was nothing short of diabolical. Greenwell for all his whinging didn’t win a single 50-50 in the air when he was contested by their opposition player and hasn’t done all season. Hollymere were terrible and so were we. But they took advantage of our mistakes whereas we simply didn’t have the brains to do anything about it. Even the normally reliable Robason looked shaky - but that was probably the fact that eventually we've dragged him down to our level. Jase kept slicing his clearances, Boothy looked nervous and Gash as centre half simply didn’t work. I'll probably try him there again as he's one of the only ones who wants to play there.

Midfield was shite. Baker turned up looking like someone off the Black and White Minstrels show and played the same - toothless. And Greenwell - he's holding the most important role in the team and simply isn’t delivering the goods. I think we've been papering over the cracks by commending his aggression, but when the balls in the air - like it always is, we cant compete. It all came to bare on the Sandhills game when a clearly overconfident and unfit cola boy cancelled out the opposition player who was winning the ball all the time.

And upfront - Jona was the only outstanding player along with Watty (as always) in goal. Stapes, Muers and Digga didn’t do much, although Muers did add some fun to the proceedings. Galey, Stubba and Muers came on in the second half and probably Galey did the most out of all of them. Stubba went on one of his runs and lost the ball (and a goal). Muers just meandered around.

We started extremely fragile. The opposition had around 6 corners on the trot, but were too shite to do anything with them. We wanted to see how many times we could pass the ball in the opposition box as well. And every time we cleared the ball we didn’t win it, despite me saying in the team talk that we needed to win when we clear it. Again, it points to midfield – a ball in the air is a ball lost. Jona scored both our goals when we were 2-0 down. The first was a superb penalty won by Staples and the second was a pile driver from the edge of the box. We should have gone 3-2 up. Jona, again in the thick of things, saw his shot rebound off the keeper and fall in the path of Wardle – who missed. Fucking moron. They scored immediately after that and eventually went 5-2 up. So we’re running out of competitions to get knocked out of. On Saturday we’ve got the bloody Daisy again. Getting fucking sick. Isn’t there any shite teams left in the league (apart from us). Getting sick of getting walloped.

So losing 5-2 was embarrassing and instead of worrying about tactics, we have to learn our basic passing, clearing, winning the ball and taking shots and our chances. Then we'll move on to more complicated systems such as joined up writing and Mr. Men books.

Lets stop beating around the bush. Footballers are thick – the whole lot of them. They come into football with little or no education and make it big based on their own abilities. Take Duff for example – by far Chelsea’s best players, but in a recent 442 interview he said he doesn’t do interviews because he cant be arsed. The ridiculous 442 interviewer kissed his arse by saying that it was refreshing to hear. Bollocks he cant be arsed because he’s thick as pig shit.

I listen to 5 live everyday and after the Leicester problems that daft twat Julian Worricker (who spends about a minute spouting shite instead of saying things straight) holds debates (his fave word) about why they do it. Why! Because t-h-e-y   a-r-e    t-h-i-c-k….Lets take Stubba as an example, he’s barely got 10 pence in his pocket and he’s a moron. Put 10 grand in his pocket he’s still a moron. There’s your typical footballer. The Sassco lads get up to all sorts of shit each and every weekend. Pissed as a fart, shagging owt that moves. You put cash in their pocket, they’re still going to do the same.

I think the FA and FIFA should bring in a new rule. Players should not be interviewed unless they have at least 4 GCSE pass grades (C and above). I really detest thick footballers. Rio Ferdinand, thick as pig shit, struggles to string a few sentences together, deserves to be banned for life and condemned – because he’s thick. Now he has some time off I reckon he needs to start learning some education.

Oh, and we lost 8-1 or 9-1 against the Sandhills. I’m sure one of the Sandhill’s lads shouted over to mention his goal on our site. Most of us were confused – The goat thought he meant building site. Well anyway, we’d be happy to mention it on our site – but would expect a mention for Sassco on the Sandhills site as well.

The few weeks off did me and the team the world of good.

Firstly I managed to erect a fence border around my decking I put down months ago. Absolute top notch and very sturdy, the wife was impressed and so was Wobbly Harper who eagerly asked me for a photo of it. More odd jobs included a new bath panel, a re-constructed Thursday league web site, a new wooden bath panel, a frame around the beloved Sassco photograph (you know…the one taken before we were kebabed by the Club 6-0).  

We were due to play Britannia. I was absent from the game, but it was called off even before a ball had been kicked (or Wayne Greenwell had woken up). So it was against our old mates, the Geordies who deservedly beat us 1-0 in the Final. Now the thing is that nobody, including myself will give them credit for that win, because we simply didn’t fire on all cylinders. A lot of our lads suspected they’d brought in their signed “superstars” for the final, and this suspicion was slightly confirmed when the team they presented had no subs and also quite a few unknowns. To me it’s sad, and I’m not really angry about it. I could have drawn up Paul Mouat, David Duff, Ginger Wilson, Corby, etc for the final and we would have walked it even before the opening whistle – but I would have never forgiven myself. I remember saying, nearly two years ago, that “we win with this team and no other side.” basically saying that the line up wouldn’t really change unless forced and ringers wouldn’t be required for any of the major matches. This philosophy of mine hasn’t changed and never will. In my opinion, getting something out of team which you don’t expect is the best thing. A prime example is our start this season. The win over the Sandhills and the draw against the Daisy was done with just about the same team which suffered so many ignominious defeats last season – that’s why those results were so precious.

The only changes from the Cup Final team were the addition of Baker and Hunt, both who missed the Final due to suspension and ineligibility respectively. My team talk was very basic, and this was after we improvised with twigs, car parts, a colourful plastic toy gun and a chair in order to put up the nets. The instructions were to get stuck in and give no quarter. Also any opposition player with “Spice Boy” hair styles were to be scythed down. Everyone was comfortable with their positions and it was Gash and Muers on the sidelines. I was very tempted to plonk Digga on the subs bench to start off with but thought “fuck it.” he’s had a bad run recently and putting him on the bench wouldn’t help rectifying it. Lucky for me, my decisions in this game were 100% vindicated and Digga got his first Man-of-the-match award.

Within minutes we were camped in their half. Big Bazza was in goal this time so they didn’t really have a physical threat in attack. Hunt came close to start with and so did Booth. But it was Wardle who opened the scoring. We never looked back. Digga looked good – he was playing as an out and out winger and seemed to be gaining in confidence. He contributed towards the goal and also managed to reach the bye-line on several occasions and struck some perfect crosses which caused problems. It was his just rewards when he stole in from the right hand side to score the second goal. It was easy and we were coasting. Boothy had his best game for a while and was unlucky to score (at the opposition end this time). Baker had a blinder. His skill in side stepping each challenge and releasing the perfect ball was allied to his sheer aggressiveness in “wiping out” the opposition when they had the ball. Each time he went in, he caused problems. He did so by pressuring the opposition and forcing them into mistakes.

The second half saw Low Fell open their account. It didn’t last long though. I’d put Muers on for Staples as the little fella was have a difficult game. By this time it was raining hard and he was in danger of drowning in some of the big puddles now developing in our once lush arena. Muers came on and eventually grabbed a goal as the Low Fell back line opened up. I then switch Gash for Hunt and he scored we a neat back heeler to make it 4-1.

A good comfortable result which was enjoyed by all. We reiterated the need for a sponsor or a large cash injection to continue next season, but time is clearly running out, and like Jona said to me afterwards, it’d be a huge shame it wouldn’t go on as the crack is fantastic. I remember the Tash and Tanj deriding me before the start of last season after I told them I was in it for a laugh. Well chaps, that’s what genuinely keeps me going. I don’t take it seriously, I don’t take myself seriously. I demand more than I really expect from what I’ve got on the pitch and they certainly enjoy it now more then they ever have. And the reason is? Because it’s a good laugh….

It was going to be one of those fun days again. I was ill so I didn’t even bother putting me lenses in, there's no way I wanted to play, but the Studio were the type of opposition I enjoy playing again - not rough, won't get me kit dirty, etc. As for the rest of the team, Baker was ill and absent. Digga was ill but played for a bit, and we had a full squad. The usual bollocks about the nets happened, we used string, twigs, car parts any thing, to put them up - the Sassco way. Eventually the growth of bushes and trees behind the pitch will probably vanish as we seem to use a tree a week to hold the nets down. But one has to learn to improvise...during the past two weeks, I've used a straw and a empty tin of ASDA beans to hold the mid life crisis fanny magnet together

I plonked Stubba and Staples on the bench, Stubba for the hell of it and Staples because I thought he wasn’t going to play due to injury. The team was reasonably strong; Watty, Booth, Jase, Galey, Kelsey, Gash, Greenwell, Digga and Muers. With Fatty and Hunt up front.

Game wise I’d say the performance was overall disappointing. When playing teams weaker than us, we cannot finish our chances. When we play the strong teams, we won't win if we don’t finish our opportunities. We are much better than Studio, but the amount of chances we squandered in the first 30 minutes had me tearing my (rapidly greying) hair out and practically pleading with the forwards to score. We did get one in the first. Digga sent a looping ball over to Wardle who chested it down and allowed Muers (Dunston) to steal in and beat four (yes four!) players to send in a perfect shot. I was readying my "pass the ball you bald bastard." when he took on his third man, but didn’t need it. We'd gone close earlier on. Dunston sent in a perfect corner which Hunt connected on but it and Wardle had missed a one on one.

By this time, Digga hauled himself off and started to make weird gurgling noises by sitting in the car behind us. Staples made an appearance on the right (at his own request) and the game continued. I still cant believe the amount of chances we squandered throughout the game. The pressure was eventually taken off when Wardle scored in the second half. Studio had some glorious opportunities with the long ball over the top and their tall striker (aka Lurch), having some chances. We caused our own problems at the back. For a change, Watty made some mistakes which was refreshing to see. Jase played his usual no nonsense style of launching the ball, and we were taking bets on both him and Kelsey on who'd give a penalty away first. Greenwell and Gash were in the middle, but sometimes struggled to hold their position allowing the opposition to take control in that area. Greenwell nearly got cautioned - at least he would have had a card on his birthday. Gash spent too much time whinging at the referee instead of playing to the whistle. The referee was okay but gave some abnormal decisions. A Staples shot which the keeper saved and parried for a corner was given as a goal kick! But all due respect to the ref, Harper though he looked like Rudolf Hess, that's fresh, Harper himself looks like Stalin.

Thankfully Wardle scored a third and decisive goal. Jona was shattered, he didn’t get a goal, but probably didn’t deserve one after he missed a true clanger from around 5 yards out. He even tackled Dunston on one occasion but still didn’t come close. On one occasion, Fatty had me gob smacked. When we were only 1-0 up, he missed a proper clanger. "you're a fat bastard." i told him. He said "and you're white..." Gob smacked, I didn't even have a wisecrack to reply to him neither. Never mind though, good game. The crack on the sidelines was truly outstanding, makes it all worthwhile. Tash and Anth "the goat" Mouat was there and contributed. Although Anth was again whinging about the team selection, etc. But he soon changed the subject when I told him "that I really couldn’t give a fuck about his opinion." Even Tash got frightened off as well, and I for once will never ever take criticism on the Adidas Ball. "It's Adidas, man - it's alright."

Well done to Studio 2000. They themselves contributed to a genuinely entertaining game. I think their lads had a good laugh on the sidelines and also on the pitch. We always have a good game against them. Two 3-3 draws last season. A good strong away win this season and two tight games at home at the start, 3-2 and 2-2.

Well fuck me senseless. Of all the people in the world, a new and improved Baker turned up. And not only did he turn up, he a fresh set of £20 notes to pay off his fine. Staggering, truly staggering. Also the game was taking place on Valentines Day. The main topic in the changing room was what had Wayne and Wardle got each other. From my understanding, they were due to have a “wonderful” evening together.

And after the disappointing final, I expected a reasonable turn out, instead we got a tremendous turn out. 14 players in total. Greenwell was injured and Jase was working, but apart from that, every regular was there. Including the Tash and Hunt.

The opposition were more than half decent, but our problem seems to be that we view each major opposition in awe. Silks Cath Club are, as a team, far stronger than us, but individually, it's difficult to say players like Wardle, Staples, Baker, etc wouldn’t have a problem in fitting into any team.

The set up was reasonably balanced, but with the vast turnout, the team was going to suffer from rotation. I've said it time and time again, if we have regular players paying £2 subs, there's no way they're going to stand on the sidelines. People like Wardle whinge a lot and from a players perspective its fully understandable, but when the shit hits the fan, it's our hard core regulars who will always be there: Greenwell, Dixon, Booth, Watty, Staples, Galey etc.

For this game, Dixon, Galey and Harper were benched. Wardle partnered Hunt up front for the first time. Stubbs and Booth were centre halves, but the rest of the team was as normal. Watty, as always was in goal and certainly lost a few pounds after running out early to pick off and cut out problem long balls from the opposition.

We created chances, and boy did we create them. Gash hit the cross bar and the follow up was launched over the bar. Silks hurtled down the pitch and scored immediately. They were causing no end of problems and I envisioned a walloping. They soon went 2-0 up, but we grabbed one back. Hunt's good work led to Wardle scoring from a goal mouth scramble. We then turned it on for the remainder of the half. Pressure was applied and silks were scrambling to clear their lines. But as with Sassco throughout this season, we failed to score. We missed 4 gilt edged, obvious chances and suffered the consequences. Peoples say "at least we create the chances..." But it's no good, simple as that. I'd rather get walloped fair and square with no chances instead of wondering "what if?" after all the chances we missed. I remember Shiney Row at home. Kelsey's mate squandered so many chances in the first half and we lost in the second. I for one will never pat anyone on the back for missing good chances, just the same as I wouldn’t pat our defence when then struggle. And Stubba did - playing mainly because Jase wasn’t there, Stubba caused a crucial third goal in the second half, instead of clearing his lines, he had the impression that he was a good footballer and tried to play it out. Stubba’s monkey DNA didn’t kick in and his legs gave way, like they did most of the game. The funniest thing in the first half was Stubba hurtling up the field and losing the ball, then hurtling back and clearing it and then bollocking everyone – brilliant. But this time it wasn’t brilliant - it was 3-1 and it was over.

We did have further chances and most were missed. Dixon came on for Muers and spent most of the time out of position instead of out wide. Simple thing is that if the winger is far out wide, the least that will happen is that he'll take one of their defenders with him. also his confidence is truly shot to bits. Twice he was in the box and should have shot, but with a lack of confidence, elected to pass instead. Wardle was useless again. I was told he had sciatica, but I couldn’t give a fuck what religion he is, he's not performing and more importantly, has not getting his shots on target. Harper came on for Gash and Wardle was pushed deeper, but to be honest, he simply didn’t make a difference at all. Playing against teams such as SW Gardens, where he had a blinder is far different to the likes of Silks. But we still allow the opposition to pass the ball around instead of closing every lost cause down – and whenever we do, we always cause problems, but our lost still don’t learn and persist with it. Does my head in sometimes.

Jona had an encouraging game and eventually scored from a penalty. We were 5-1 down at the time so it was only a consolation – at least Muers was off the pitch not to take it. But the embarrassing thing was seeing all the players milling around the ball like flies round shite waiting to take a penalty.

Really disappointed, we need to increase our own confidence and have belief that we are just as good as the other decent teams, we've done it before at the start of this season also the start of last season. And people say to me, give some encouragement. If it's encouragement you want, go and bring your parents to watch you.

It’s difficult not to be disappointed. At the start of the competition, we were clear favourites. We had a genuinely good side. We beat Low Fell 4-0 away in our peak at the start of the season. Times change but I still managed to put out a very good and well balanced team out there.

It started well, the whole day did. The team was there early and we had a full complement, like we did on Saturday. Kelsey, Stubbs and Jeff Clark were nominated substitutes, and the only selection dilemma was if Jase was to be centre half or Booth. In the event, Jase started as centre half and Booth played there in the second. Emu and Wardle up front, Stapes on the left, Digga on the right. Gash and Greenwell in the middle. Robason, Jase as centre halves. Booth right back and Galey left back. A good all round team.

But during the game, once we went a goal down, the facts were plain. Where it counted, we didn’t deliver. Up front we simply didn’t create a chance or an opportunity. Both Wardle and Muers wanted it on a plate and simply couldn’t fashion an opening against a very immobile defence. The midfield quartet of Greenwell, Staples, Brazier and Dixon completely failed in winning the ball. Staples did himself justice to an extent, but his passing was diabolical. Dixon was too far inside instead of pulling out wide and creating more space. We should have scored first. Muers came close when his slow shot just shaved the post. No one followed up though. And dragging shots wide or off target isn’t good enough. We have to take our chances.

The defence didn’t really have a great deal of problems apart from creating problems themselves. An inability to clear the ball was married with Low Fells inability to take advantage. Robason was a star, but like I said in the team talk, it wasn’t going to be a game where the defence would be under pressure. But even then, we caused ourselves problems. Galey, I’m sure was just trying to impress the lasses. Watson made some stunning one on one stops to keep us in it, but like I said in few match reports a while back. It’s no point Watty keeping us in the game when the strikers are simply nothing short of impotent.

The only goal of the game came when the team failed to stop a cross coming in and also failed to pick up their hulking forward who made no mistake. The goal was early and gave us ample opportunity to respond – but we didn’t.

At half time I made a switch. Greenwell was injured, so Jeff came in  as centre midfield alongside Gash. Dixon was replaced by Kelsey. We had 45 minutes to do it and we didn’t. Well pissed off with Muers and Wardle. The one game where I wanted them to perform, they didn’t. I’m never interested in them scoring goals against mingin teams. We came close in the dying minutes, but I need a team to create chances in the 90 minutes not in the last few. Stubba came on for Jase, and lo and behold, he was the closest in taking the game to extra time.

Bringing in extra players to the squad is welcome now. The likes of John Hunt and Billy Harper, although they probably don’t have the pace compared to Muers and Wardle, can create goals and set their own players up – something we were lacking. The lads have got to look at themselves now. The excuse of “at least we got to a final” is bull shit. The competition is naturally weak. We bludgeoned some of our opponents earlier in the cup and also in the league, so don’t give me any crap about coming second in a weak competition.

It was a good day for football. Cold, yes, but bright and reminiscent of the summer days to come ahead. We also had our Ken Atkinson final to look forward to in the midweek. But as far as squad system was going, I expected a small turn out. Two regulars, Stapes and Jase were missing, Baker had been hounded out due to unpaid fines, and as always, I didn’t really expect the Tash to turn up. I had asked him, like I asked twice before, but on both them occasions, he simply didn't turn up.

But lo and behold, he did, along with Kelsey and The Hutt. The Hutt was to be our new shining star up front. With the demise of Durham City, The Hutt is now available almost every Saturday and with his past record in the league, we should be comfortable against the weaker teams. Jeff was also available and surprisingly, Robason was there as well.

So we had a full squad with three subs (including me) and we kicked off, immediately creating an impact on a disaster of a pitch. The referee, who seemed spaced out, missed some dubious decisions and Wardle stole in to score the opener. Most of the first half was spent camped in their area, but our final ball was diabolical. We eased the pressure off the team by slagging off Muers for all the game and i was close to switching Muers and Dixon for the second half, just so we could continue our tirade against the balding winger. Wardle eventually grabbed a second after coming really close on occasions. The opposition was weak and I'm really disappointed we didn’t get more.

At half time, I pulled off Wardle and Jeff to put on Kelsey and Hunt. The game was over at 2-0. We were far too comfortable and Robason, who played almost unnoticed, won everything thrown at him. It was good to have a solid centre half. First time since Paul Mouat and Mav used to play for us. Harper, for all his sins, played really well. He was immobile as his pace from his small legs isn’t really up to the high standards we expect of him. He combined well with his arch nemesis, the Hutt and was unlucky not to score, with a header cannoning off the post. But with the Hutt on, we gained a penalty which Mark Muers took and missed. Work this one out - we've had two penalties in two years and Muers has taken and missed both of them. So he was the obvious choice then. But luckily It wasn’t too long after when he did actually score to make it 3-0. Harper then threw one of his famous wobblers and launched into a red faced, albino haired opposition player. He got a yellow card for it and his aggression was much welcome. Gash also had a blinder in centre mid. He got stuck in and gave 100% which all bodes well for the final on Wednesday.

I've already decided on the team and hopefully we'll fill some sort of potential and come away with silverware.

The meeting was plain and blunt. All were there: Staples, Watty, Stubba, Kelsey, Muers, Greenwell, Gash, Jase, Robason, Jeff Clark and Fatty. I told em all what they owed and amazingly, they all didn’t flinch or disagree. It’s like last season when the team was gonna fold and I told em the only option was if all chipped in. We also talked about attitude and turning up on time. Greenwell and Stubba were cited for that. I also spoke to Galey on the phone before the meeting and made it clear that I expected him on time and not to fuck off after each game without paying the subs. It was a good meeting and I’m reasonably confident for the final, now. Robason is going to be there so that’s a huge boost as we lack a commanding centre half since Mav got injured.

The report is by Michael Booth Throughout the week, it was pissing down which left our fixture wit